how to respond to BF comments — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

how to respond to BF comments

so I am EBF now and plan to continue up until a year and a half or so, not sure exactly. But neways, i am getting soo many comments even now at 10 months, " OMG, youre still BF, when r u going to stop, why are u BF so long... blah blah.  and I havent even said to family that i will continue beyond a year. So I am wondering if anyone else gets these comments?  What do u say back?

and for those that do BF older babies... is it just like mornings, naps and night type of thing? I am wondering if I have to coninue to pump at work if she is only BF 4-5 times a day. 

 

THANKS!!

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Re: how to respond to BF comments

  • When anyone has said anything to me about "still" BFing my seven month old, I just reply something about how if I weren't BFing, I'd have BUY formula for him to drink, and why would I buy him something when I have it for free in my boobs? To me, aside from all the other benefits of BFing, it's silly to pay for something that I don't have to pay for, kwim? And I feel like that is a good point to make to people that they can't really disagree with. Once its past a year, though, I dunno how I'll approach it.


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  • I have yet to have someone ask or say anything like that. I like the PP's idea about having to buy formula if you weren't nursing. After a year I'll likely say somethign to the effect of how the WHO recommends it until 2. Or that it's better than drinking cows milk. I'm not sure. If anyone outside of my family asked me that I'd probably be a pretty rude beeotch about it if it's said in a negative way. My body, my business.

    ETA: Many women stop pumping at a year. It's totally fine. You can supplement with cow's milk but you don't HAVE to as long as they are eating enough calcuim from other sources. I am not planning to give cows milk so I'm pumping a lot now to build a freezer stash of "older" milk for the sippy cup. Right now I SAH so I don't see our schedule changing much, probably about 5-6 times a day.

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  • Your DD is a cutie!  I'm curious to hear what you have been saying back.

    I feel so lucky that I don't know many people who criticize the choice.  I just act confident and normal like they're the one who's being odd.  Some time ago, a co-worker who didn't know my thoughts on the matter said something "ignorant" (about both NIP & nursing a toddler) and I just laughed it off and said, "Yeah.  I'm sure it does seem odd if you're not used to seeing it."  Then I proceeded to talk about it like it was the most natural thing in the world.  She seemed a bit embarrassed and tried to back pedal a bit.

    I am out w/DD a lot, but I've only had one bad experience w/nursing her in public.  And it was bad. Sad

    Someone else's extended BFing has come once on FB w/friends, and I chimed in & responded by quoting that the AAP recommends a minimum of 1 year & that WHO & UNICEF recommend a minimum of 2 years.  Also, the worldwide average age of weaning is somewhere around 4 yoa.

    Here's info on possible ways to handle criticism.

    https://www.llli.org/faq/criticism.html

    https://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html

    https://www.lactivist.com/respcrit.html

     

    Here's info on what it's like to nurse a toddler:

    https://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/toddlernursing.html

    My DD still nurses at least four times a day during the week(daycare drop-off/pick-up, when we get home, later in the evening & at night)--sometimes more than that on the weekends, sometimes less.

    I stopped pumping when she was about 13.5 months old.  I'd struggled about with when I should stop pumping.  At that point, I figured she could drink water at daycare.  Also, even though she still wasn't super interested in solids at that point, I figured that she could make up the difference in any milk she still wanted/needed when we were together.  She didn't reverse cycle, but she certainly did begin to nurse more when we were together.

    I know a mom who stopped pumping when her DD was much younger (9 months) because she was okay with reverse cycling.

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  • I dont really post much, but with DS (who was bf for -shocker- 21months!) I usually resopnded with "What do you think Virgin Mary did? She didnt have formula or let baby Jesus suck on a cow teet". That usually got them thinking and they didnt bother me after that, but im a smart aleck when it comes to people judging me and my mommy skills.

    As far as the pumping. I went back to work when DS was 8months, and i didnt pump, and he was fine, still nursed probably about 5times a day, mostly for comfort or before meal/bed/naptime.

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  • Good for you for BFing and sticking to it. I am still nursing my almost 14 mo old and we're both still interested in continuing. Sometimes its a little awkward/ funny when she does sign language for "eat" and then she points to my boobs (bc usually I've given her a meal/snack when she does eat). She honestly would rather breastfeed all day than eat regular food lol. This is our nursing schedule that we have adapted to (sometimes + or -) 5 am, 7 am, before her morning nap, before her afternoon nap, sometimes around 4 in the afternoon, then before bed and not throughout the night anymore.

    I have been getting those comments from my mother and my MIL for a few months now. I think it also has something to do with the fact that they regret not breastfeeding though. Surprisingly both of my grandmothers are very supportive and think I should continue breastfeeding for as long as possible. I tell people that the WHO recommends until 2 and I want her to get the best start possible to life. DD will only drink juice out of a cup and refuses to drink any milk at all. Although my MIL added last week- she still won't drink any milk huh? So I said no- and she proceeded with "well she had a sip of my coffee with cream in it and she liked it". WHAT makes her think it is acceptable to give someone else's child coffee?? Anyway, it helps DD won't drink milk out of a cup- mine, cow's or goat's. Use this excuse if you like:) 

    Did anyone else shutter a little when you saw on the bump's home page "switching to regular milk?" Cow's milk is "regular" milk, I would think human milk would be the most regular/normal.

     Good Luck!!

  • If someone gave me shiit about BFing a BABY under 2yrs old I would look at them like they had 3 heads. Then, in a "did you know..." sort of way I would inform them of guidelines set forth by respectable organizations who base their recommendations on scientific evidence: the AAP rec's EBFing until 6 mos, BFing for a minimum of 1 yr and WHO says 2 yrs. After that, it's for as long as mom and baby want to.

    Further, humans under 4 or 5 are designed to drink milk. So, if you make your own milk especially for humans and you want to give that to your kid why on earth would you substitute a food that's trying to simulate what you already have or milk that's designed for another species? It makes no sense!

    I'm still nursing DD who is almost 33 mos. and while I thought we'd be done weaning by 3yrs I'm not sure anymore. She's really into it so I let her nurse a few times a day. It's still a better food product than the next available substitute.

  • I was asked about Bfing more often when DD was younger.  I think that most people assume that I have now stopped since she is 15mos and eats table food well.  When anyone does ask, even if they say "You're stiiiiiiiill breastfeeding?"  I try not to be sarcastic or reply with an equally rude remark.  I think doing so comes across too defensive and that can imply your doing something wrong.  My usual response is something like this, " I'm so lucky to continue BFing.  So many women have difficulty with it or schedules that make it near impossible.  The health benefits of BF are huge (I only go into details if the person seems interested) and it's so convenient, no dirty bottles to wash!"  That usually gets a laugh and that's the end.  The people who make those rude comments are often uncomfortable talking about breastfeeding, so a simple, "yes, isn't great!" usually shuts them up!  You could also say "breast feeding" a few times- the rude ones don't like the word breast!  
  • We haven't had a lot of negative reaction about extended BF (DS still BF at night, naptime, and occasionally once or twice a day) but my favorite response is "Well, if was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for my kid!". My mom usually tells people my pediatrician encourages BF for as long as possible (which is true, ? our ped), which seems to satisfy her group of friends. I don't see how it effects anyone other than me or DS or why they would even care.
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  • The one girl who said, "You'd better not be doing this in another year." to me I said, "I don't know how the way I choose to feed my child affects you."

    She got pretty uncomfortable and backed off. I can tell she is not used to people snapping back at her know it all comments. 

    Another woman said, "If they can ask for it, it's too long, I mean, I know it's the bond and all, but at some point you have to let them go." I simply said, "I'm very pro extended BF." I let her know my stance on the subject, respectfully, without engaging her in the conversation and gossip about the other mother. 

    :) 

     

    I wouldn't pay for formula if I can make milk. I can think of about a gazillion other things I'd rather spend my money on. Like cute CD or cookies from Whole Foods or money in the Santa fund :) lol

  • The only people who really gave me grief about it were older family members so I'd state the recommendations and if they pursued it further, I'd generally say that I trust the recommendations now, and who knows, in a few more years they might suggest breastfeeding until 7 like some other cultures.  That'd stop most of them with a shocked reaction or at least start a very interesting discussion about recommendations now vs. then :-)

    Once M was BFing after a year he was mostly a morning, nap and night nurser so very few people outside close friends and family even knew or thought to ask, but M never asked when we were in public.  

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