MIL babysitting snafu vent <long> — The Bump
April 2011 Moms

MIL babysitting snafu vent &lt;long&gt;

I need to preface this post by saying my in-laws are wonderful and awesome...totally adore them! Ok, now I can vent about the boneheaded things they did to my baby this weekend!

My in-laws babysat DD for us this Saturday while we went to a concert. I gave lots of helpful tips for taking care of her if she was fussy or for giving her a bottle, but apparently I wasn't specific enough. I came home and MIL said everything went awesome. Then she tells me that DD only took an ounce of the bottle so she put it in the fridge and then reheated it again an hour later even though there was a second bottle in there for her just for that reason. I would never do this because of potential bacteria and I never reheat our food twice, so why would I do that with breastmilk?

Then I look at the monitor to see how she was sleeping and all I see is a big fluffy comforter and no baby. I run upstairs to find that MIL covered the baby with the decorative comforter that came with the bedding. It had been on the other side of the room because we NEVER use it.  It was completely covering her face and body! Cue mild panic attack as I dig my baby out from the cottony nightmare and slip her into her halo sack.

 Is it just me or are these really common sense things not to do? Next time I will be very specific so I come home to a non-smothered child!

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Re: MIL babysitting snafu vent &amp;lt;long&amp;gt;

  • Things change with each generation, and sometimes our parents/ILs really don't realize that we do things differently than they did. My MIL likes to "poke fun" at me all the time by saying things like, "It's a miracle that any of my children survived!" when I talk about no blankets in the crib, car seat safety etc..

    I would definitely have panicked when I saw baby covered with a comforter, and so now, without being accusatory, I would just be specific next time. For example, I'd say, "There are 2 bottles in the fridge. Even if she doesn't finish the first one, just go ahead and give her the 2nd bottle instead of reheating", and "Her sleep sack is hanging on her crib for when she goes to bed."

    Good luck! You're lucky to have such awesome ILs, and I'm sure they won't think anything of it when you leave instructions next time. :)

    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


  • Okay, the blanket thing is really scary and yes, plain common sense. As for bottles, no, I don't think that is common sense. You can reheat BM for a second feeding, so she really didn't do anything wrong there. Even if it is your preference that she not do this, I do think you need to be specific on that one. I would never have known the "rules" of reusing milk prior to having a baby.

    Even though we trust our parents (or ILs) bc they raised kids, things have changed and/or they have just forgotten some things. My mom always puts toys in DS Pack N Play. It's not really stuff that he could suffocate on, but she fails to recognize that NOTHING in the crib really means nothing. When I have people that aren't my mom babysit, I think I am insultingly specific with them (ie, he always go to sleep on his back with nothing in his crib, don't leave the baby on the floor with the dog, etc). I try to say it in a way that doesn't make it sound like I think they are a moron, but honestly, I'd rather say it than have something happen. Usually, I'll say something like "you probably know this, but he always goes down on his back" or "I'm sure you wouldn't do this, but C and O can't be left alone together."

    BFP#1-7/28/2010, DS-4/11/2011


    BFP#2-7/21/2012, MM/C-8/9/2012


    BFP#3-11/1/2012, M/C-11/25/2012


    BFP#4-1/16/2013, EDD-9/29/2013
    My 4th BFP chart:
    [url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2c4737]My Ovulation Chart[/url]

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  • I totally do need to be "insultingly specific" next time. I love that phrase! I realize that so much has changed for them since we were kids, but I had even labeled my bottles with post it notes because I'm such a germ phobe about the reheating thing. I didn't say anything about any of this to them because I really didn't want to hurt their feelings after they took care of her. Is a written list next time too far?
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  • Honestly? I think you are kind of overreacting on the bottle front. I wouldn't say that's totally obvious or common sense. We do reheat bottles if she falls asleep before taking them, and it's never been a problem. It's fine if you prefer she not do that, but just be more specific next time.

    The comforter thing...I wouldn't love that it happened, and I'd be glad I got home in time to take it off her pretty quick. But at the same time, baby is fine and I would just be more specific about what you put LO to bed in (sleep sack, footie PJs, etc.) next time she babysits. Our parents covered us with blankets, so it's not too shocking that they don't know the current recs against it.

    I've read much scarier and upsetting things on this site re. babysitters, so these don't seem like all that big a deal. Just lay it out more clearly next time, and it should be fine.

  • imageHippixie4:
    I totally do need to be "insultingly specific" next time. I love that phrase! I realize that so much has changed for them since we were kids, but I had even labeled my bottles with post it notes because I'm such a germ phobe about the reheating thing. I didn't say anything about any of this to them because I really didn't want to hurt their feelings after they took care of her. Is a written list next time too far?

    Depends on the tone. I would probably do this, but I'm known for being over-prepared and picky, so no one in my family would bat an eye.

    I write lists for taking care of my dog for the evening. So you know...

  • The tone would definitely be nice. They're super sweet!  I just feel like maybe I throw too many things at them before we leave and it might be easier to just write it all down instead.

    The bottle thing is a personal preference, but I honestly didn't know it was alright to do until tonight. Her ped recommended tossing whatever she didn't finish if it was over an hour old so I never bothered even looking it up, just always tossed. Hope I didn't offend anyone, totally not intentional.

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  • imageHippixie4:

    The tone would definitely be nice. They're super sweet!  I just feel like maybe I throw too many things at them before we leave and it might be easier to just write it all down instead.

    The bottle thing is a personal preference, but I honestly didn't know it was alright to do until tonight. Her ped recommended tossing whatever she didn't finish if it was over an hour old so I never bothered even looking it up, just always tossed. Hope I didn't offend anyone, totally not intentional.

    I think a list is fine...I just make mine so that it is a general babysitter list so no one feels like it is for them. It includes things like directions to the Children's hospital, vet phone number, DS birthday, etc. At the end I just wrote out info about our bed time routine, info on heating BM bottles (like swirl, don't shake), etc. I'd just tell your ILs that you made up a list to make things easier.
    BFP#1-7/28/2010, DS-4/11/2011


    BFP#2-7/21/2012, MM/C-8/9/2012


    BFP#3-11/1/2012, M/C-11/25/2012


    BFP#4-1/16/2013, EDD-9/29/2013
    My 4th BFP chart:
    [url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2c4737]My Ovulation Chart[/url]

    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie.com/MW6qm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>
  • My IL's have no clue when it comes to babies.  I made a list of step by step instructions for every scenario when I left DS with them.  This was only after my MIL wanted to sit outside in the sun with DS when it was 95 degrees in the blazing heat, asked about microwaving breastmilk, and giving bottles of water.  I really don't care if my list came off as insulting becausee I care more about the safety of my child then anything. 
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  • imageRunningGal900:
    imageHippixie4:

    The tone would definitely be nice. They're super sweet!  I just feel like maybe I throw too many things at them before we leave and it might be easier to just write it all down instead.

    The bottle thing is a personal preference, but I honestly didn't know it was alright to do until tonight. Her ped recommended tossing whatever she didn't finish if it was over an hour old so I never bothered even looking it up, just always tossed. Hope I didn't offend anyone, totally not intentional.

    I think a list is fine...I just make mine so that it is a general babysitter list so no one feels like it is for them. It includes things like directions to the Children's hospital, vet phone number, DS birthday, etc. At the end I just wrote out info about our bed time routine, info on heating BM bottles (like swirl, don't shake), etc. I'd just tell your ILs that you made up a list to make things easier.

    This is SUCH a good idea! I wish I would have done it sooner! Thanks so much!

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  • When I went back to work I made up a 4 page instruction thing for my mom (about how much to feed, how to store BM, when he naps, what I've found helpful for fussy periods). When my MIL "volunteered to babysit"/hijacked my baby for a day, I gave her the instructions too. I'm pretty sure she didn't read all of it, but for mom's who always breastfed and didn't pump, handling BM is pretty foreign. I think she thought my instructions were overkill, but I don't care :-)

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