The Real Dr. Wonderful
SP dating is so hard. I've been dating a real Dr. Wonderful (a happy, normal, single, has no kids of his own physician) for a few weeks now and he couldn't be any nicer. He plays with and helps me with Barrett when he visits us. He's really patient and understanding about the limits of how often and when I can go out due to babysitter availability. He lives about 45 minutes away, but will drive out here if it's been too long and I can't get a sitter. He's offered me financial assistance (which I declined) and emotional support since I'm still in a legal battle with the other Dr. Wonderful and he tells me I'm beautiful all the time. There is really nothing else he could do to show me what a nice guy he is.
BUT ... I don't know how attracted to him I am. He's funny, smart, sweet, kind of nerdy, and not un-attractive, but causes no butterflies. I don't want to "settle" for someone who does not make me excited. I keep wondering if I wasn't a SP would I still even be dating him? But it's hard to ignore how great he is about Barrett, and how nice he is to me. Is that enough to keep moving forward in this relationship, or is it really not fair to him? Ugh, I hate dating!
Re: The Real Dr. Wonderful
As cliche as it is to say this but sometimes love comes softly, it's not all butterflies and fireworks. Its a secure and caring love that can grow and last. It's a love that comes from mutual respect and friendship. It's a love that builds with time, experices and maintains throug sickness and hardships.
Butterflies and Fireworks are nice but even they go away eventually, then you have to figure out are you in love or are you addicted to butterflies and fireworks and you keep searching for that fleeting feeling.
I'm not trying to convince you to continue the relationship with this guy or not. But I think you need to reassess what you need in a relationship and what is really important to you.
My father once told me ( and i totally cringed that he said it to me but it's true)
A friend can always become a lover...but a lover can't always be a friend.
I'm going to go ahead and buck the trend here because I've been in similar circumstances as you. For me,at least, if that feeling of "something" isn't there, it isn't ever going to be there. I don't know how long you have been dating him, but sometimes you just can't talk yourself into it.
I would say, if you've only been dating him a short time, just continue to date him and see if things begin to develop. You MIGHT notice in time that they do....or you might not.
What is telling about your post is that you say you don't want to settle. Do yourself, and B a favor, and don't. There is no rule that says you have to be in a relationship. Ask yourself a few honest questions about the situation.
-He lives 45 minutes away. When you aren't around him do you miss him?
-Do you find yourself enjoying the time you spend with him, or constantly feeling confused and wondering where your heart is?
-Do you think that you truly care for him, or do you feel like you SHOULD care for him?
-If he broke things off tomorrow, would you be disappointed?
When I was dating my version of "Dr. Wonderful" I told myself a lot of things that made me think I just didn't know a great guy when I saw one. I blamed it on what I went through in my marriage. I thought I was completely messed up in the head, and I even went to my counselor to discuss it all. After seeing him for a month, I realized it just was not there, and I couldn't force it, as much as I wanted to. When I broke up with him I instantly felt relief. Immense relief and nothing else. I haven't thought about going back on my decision one.single.time.
I think I bought into the whole "a good man is hard to find" cliche and basically that tells us that if we find someone, we really need to latch onto them because there aren't a lot of good ones out there who aren't already taken and therefore we should be grateful. I think that's an unhealthy message to send.
Know that you are wonderful, and deserving of someone who you really care about. I'm not saying that this guy isn't that guy, and my experience may be totally different than yours. But just don't settle because you think that no one else will love you and your child. That's not fair to anyone involved.