On Jealousy, some helpful advice (PG mentioned)
Lbloom
member
I wanted to write this in regards to the posts on feelings of frustration and jealousy towards pregnancy announcements and babies in general. I'm sure you all realize this, but I thought it might help if I talked it out here. We can discuss it here, safely. This is what has helped me deal with my feelings of jealousy, maybe it will help one of you.
Healthy, normal pregnancies can still end in disaster at the very end. Several of us on this board are living proof of that. Not until that baby comes home, crying with life can we assume anything. I went all the way through my pregnancy blissfully unaware of what lied ahead. Even when they come home healthy, we all know that so many things can still go wrong. The worrying just continues. We never stop worrying about our children, even when they grow to adulthood. Unfortunately I don't know this from experience. This is what everyone tells me and I know it to be true. In my child-loss support group there are several much older parents that are still grieving the loss of their older children, even 20 years down the road they still come to cry.
The risk of suffering is the price we pay for all that good, smooshy love! And, obviously, it's all worth it or nobody would do it! Love is the whole reason to keep going on, day after day. So whenever the green monster of jealousy starts creeping in your head, try and remember that the person you're jealous of is dealing with their own trials in life. We've all got crosses to bear, some of ours are just heavier than others right now. I hope this helps and doesn't offend. This was not my intent. Peace and hugs to all the ladies who have recently come over to this board.
Re: On Jealousy, some helpful advice (PG mentioned)
Yuck, FB is mean. Just hide them from your news feed like I did. Maybe someday I will be able to unhide them, but I know that right now, they are only posting about their pregnancy/babies and it hurts me.
Great post, I completely agree OP. And I also agree that it is hard - pretty much all of my friends w/ babies or currently healthy pregnancies are hidden....maybe I will unhide them one day
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
I agree completely. It is painful to watch my friends go through their pregnancies blissful and unaware, and to watch them slowly grow and then deliver beautiful babies. It literally feels like a stab in my heart. But, I also feel so thankful for them. I would never ever want anyone to go through the hurt we have been through, and I am so thankful they are able to enjoy blissful pregnancies. I never will again, that's for sure.
It is like I am jealous on one end and so thankful for them on the other. If I ever get pregnant again I know they will all be so very happy for me, so I try to be happy for them too.
We didn't announce our PG on FB until I was 7 months along. It was a subtle announcement. Some people were finding out about our PG at the same time as our loss. I don't really care if some people didn't know.
I'm wondering the same thing about announcing a PG in the future. I'm so much more sensitive than I used to be and I was never really a forceful person to begin with.
I don't wish anyone to know a loss but it still bothers me to see them talking about healthy pregnancies. I'm happy for them I am just not ready to hear about it right now. I am bothered sometimes by comments about how they want this gender or that and how they want to plan out all of these various thing that I've in my experience found that just aren't always able to be planned (when they want to have a kid, etc.). I still wouldn't want them to realize that things aren't that simple or for them to know the pain that we've gone through.
I just heard about a FB friend who is going to have a baby in February so right when I should have been having a baby if I didn't have my second loss. I'm happy for them but I'll probably block her feed if she starts posting a lot about her pregnancy. I am not jealous of her specifically or any other pregnant friends I am somewhat jealous of the overall ability of having a healthy successful pregnancy and angry that I haven't been able to, but I am not jealous of them or angry at them it's more of a feeling in general not directed toward anyone in particular but amplified by seeing healthy pregnancies all around when I only wish I had one. It's kind of like I'm a little kid stamping my feet and saying it's not fair that another child got something I wanted but I don't want theirs taken away I just want one too.
I hear you. I'd give almost anything to have her back. But she's at peace.