Pregnant after 35
How offended should I be?
My parents live outside the US and are planning to visit after Baby Haribo is born. They are planning to buy a stroller as a gift, but since DH and I have chosen a pricier stroller (uppababy vista), I asked them how much they wanted to contribute since I did not expect them to pay for everything. My father emailed back saying that if I would rather they give their airfare (significant amount since they live in Asia) instead of visiting, to let them know. WHAT??!! Where did that come from? I wrote them back saying that I did not need their money, that I was very offended by their statement, and if they wanted to send their airfare and forego seeing their grandchild, that was their choice. I have not heard from them since. I was very hurt that they would even consider emailing something like that, even if they had been offended by my question about their monetary contribution for a stroller. I don't know if I am overly sensitive because this pertains to my soon to be daughter, or if I am right. What do you think? Am I overreacting?
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Re: How offended should I be?
It sounds like you both overreacted a bit. I don't know anyone, of course, but it sounds like your dad was offended and wrote back without thinking, and you got offended by his getting offended...
Money stuff sure can mess up relationships!
If it were me, I'd call and say you'd rather have them come visit than anything else, and if they're offended about the stroller thing to please accept your apology for offending, it wasn't your intent. Even if he overreacted more than you did, these things can escalate sooo easily, and someone has to take steps to defuse it before that happens!
This is all my 2 cents, and I mean well. A sister of mine had a similar fight with my dad about college money, and it went so sour she didn't talk to him for 12 years, and he died before they made up.
Good luck!
Like the other ladies said, give your dad a call to clear the air. Emails may sometimes come across not exactly the way the author intended. Your father may have been hurt and offended that you wanted the money instead of actual stroller as a gift. My W. African parents would probably have said the same thing that your father said... He does not really mean it. Of course your parents want to come to America and see their grand-daughter.
When you speak to him, out of respect just apologize... Let your parents know that you want them to come to see you and their grand-daughter first and foremost.
I do not know the financial situation of your parents, however I do know that the Uppa Vista (which is my stroller) is at least $679. Do you know how much your parents were planning to spend on the stroller? Even a contribution of half the Uppa Vista amount is still a substantial amount of money.
Maybe you can let your parents skip the stroller thing all together and get something else for the baby. Good Luck!
Sounds like you both were uber over reactive, given the circumstances.
Write back, apologize that you were reading something that wasn't there, and that you poorly communicated what your plans were regarding strollers and shouldn't have suggested a work around. Then tell them that you truly are wanting them with you to greet their granddaughter in person.
Don't expect them to have received similar advice or to acknowledge that they overreacted as well. Just live and let live.
After they arrive, if you already have the stroller of your dreams, then they'll choose something else, or give what they had in their budget for a stroller. If you allow them to get a stroller when they arrive, either use it or wait until they are on their way back to Asia and make an exchange. They live far enough away that they'll never know and the whole being offended thing will never be an issue.