Convo still bothering me... (long vent)

AmyD583 · July 2011

Backstory: DH and I moved to BFE last year, and somehow I have managed to make 1 friend. She is in her late 40's, has 5 kids, and 4 grandkids. She's been supportive through the whole IF thing, but of course never really quite "got it."

So, yesterday we're having lunch, and she starts talking about how her daughter gave birth last week with pitocen, but she didn't use any pain meds. She then asks me yet AGAIN if I'm going to go the natural route. I said I would like to try, but you don't always get to choose how everything happens, and it doesn't really matter in the end how she gets here as long as we're both okay in the end.

My friend basically freaked out on me. Said there is no such thing as "trying" to do it naturally. You just make that decision and go through with it. She then said I need to do some research since she knows people that have been paralyzed from the waist down from epidurals and how it is so bad for the mom and the baby, and of course I don't want to harm my baby, etc.

I just felt like she was so disrespectful toward me as a competent adult (that has had epidurals before for surgeries, etc). It was just so hurtful for her to come at me like that and push that huge guilt trip on me. If she wasn't my only friend, I would completely distance myself from her, but DH travels a lot for work, and she is my only social outlet.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

ondjima · July 2011

She knows people that were paralyzed from an epi?

That is really ridiculous. I am at the point now where I just agree and go with whatever the person is telling me is best for my body. I got tired of having to try and defend things. It is strange how insistent people become on issues relating to pregnancy.

Sorry you had to deal with that. And holy crap when did you get to 20 weeks??

AmyD583 · July 2011

That's what she claims, but I just have a hard time believing that. She's one of the most genuine people I know, and she usually just provides me with her point of view and leaves it at that if I disagree, but as the pregnancy progresses, she's getting weirder. That's the kind of crap you "tolerate" from your mom, not your friend.

ondjima · July 2011

AmyD583:
That's what she claims, but I just have a hard time believing that. She's one of the most genuine people I know, and she usually just provides me with her point of view and leaves it at that if I disagree, but as the pregnancy progresses, she's getting weirder. That's the kind of crap you "tolerate" from your mom, not your friend.

Ha! That made me laugh. My mom told me I would never be able to deal with the pain of L&d so I should just get a c-section. I just laughed, if a stranger or friend told me that I would have punched them.

I may believe that she knows a person that that has happened to. But knowing multiple people?? I think on Oprah or something there was a lady who was paralyzed for 3 weeks or something like that. Maybe she knows her.

MyHusbandMyHero · July 2011

LGLDVM:

Sadly, the conversation doesn't surprise me at all. People seem to think pregnancy=open door to give advice

What makes me kind of sad is, I wonder if her daugher felt forced to have a natural birth in spite of getting pitocin. I know women do it, but it also can cause some pretty brutal contractions and her daughter should have had the choice to seek an epidural if needed.

This is what I was thinking! Sorry about her unwanted advice and her freak out! UGH! People need to mind their own business!

Temp616379875002458 · July 2011

I'm sorry. That's very hurtful. We will support you regardless of your delivery choices!!!

Jessie*J · July 2011

Wow, i'm surprised she was on the opposite fence of the epi debate lol. Normally it's people telling those who want a pain med free birth that they need to get the epi!

There's always going to be those opinions though. Do what's best for you and like you said, as long as baby and you are healthy - it was the right thing for you both!!

I haven't heard many being paralyzed from the epi BUT all of my friends who have had epi's have had trouble during them or after them. I went pain med free with my DD and plan to with this LO even though we are getting induced this week and will have pit.

Anything can happen during labor and i'm not scared to ask for something if I need it - epi would be the very last item on my list but only because I don't want my body completely numb.

jb2rn · July 2011

She needs to STFU. Seriously. Why do people get so preachy about babies and birth?

MaybeMore · July 2011

She was inappropriate and a bit silly--long-term problems from an epi are rare--but not 100% wrong.

You DO need to decide now because some nurses/OB/GYNs are super-pushy and prey on moms in labor when they're week to make them do it in the way most convenient to them, not the safest way. Virtually all OB/GYNs would rather a woman have an epi.

I'm shocked & horrified by the homebirth stats. Using statistics of ONLY low-risk, uncomplicated pregnancies, baby death rate with an OB/GYN is .69 per 1000, with a midwife at hospital is .59 per 1000, and with a homebirth + midwife .39 per 1000. So just getting an OB/GYN involved in a hospital nearly doubles your chances of coming out with a dead baby. That's crazy. It should be the opposite.

So before you say "We'll do whatever gets us good results," you have to be educated on what that is.

I fought off a pushy OB/GYN for my first birth and had to deal with a hideously insulting and nasty nurse the second, who not only berated me for having an natural birth but also even freaking criticized the choice of TV show I had on trying desperately to distract myself during contractions. No, I wasn't watching something cute and fuzzy--I was watching a freaking documentary because it was more distracting, but apparently, she only approves of laboring to Oprah or something. Because you know that really makes a difference.

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