Feeling constantly second guessed — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Feeling constantly second guessed

Does anyone else feel like people keep second guessing them in regards to their LO? I feel like I know my LO so well. I spend hours with him and have learned so well to read his cues. He rarely cries anymore, and I know his "I'm hungry" squeal. I took him from my MIL to feed him, and she said "She responds to every little squeak." Well to her it sounds like a squeak. To me, it is him saying "Hey mom, I'm hungry now."  MIL will even look at him and say "No, you're not hungry!" 

I also feel like when I mention something I have noticed about LO (sensitive to polyester, early teething, etc)  I am always met with "Maybe it is x y z" instead.  I feel like I am constantly being second guessed! It makes me so exasperated. I wish people could just take me at my word. Yes, I said he's teething. No, trying to burp him isn't going to help the teething pain. Yes, he's sensitive to polyester. No, it is not a heat rash. Sigh.

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Re: Feeling constantly second guessed

  • BFab11BFab11 member

    It happens, it'll never go away.  Anyone who had kids before you (even if their kid is minutes older than yours, lol) or has more kids than you or babysat more than you did or read an article in a magazine about kids knows children better than you, apparently.  But you're right; nobody knows YOUR kid like you do, so you have to just let it slide and not worry about them.  

    You'll get it from family, friends, doctors, strangers, whoever.  At the end of the day you're the mom and you get to make the decisions, so it's a good thing you're the one with the most knowledge about your kid, right?  It's really frustrating, sorry you're dealing with it.

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  • Being a new mom is a double-edged sword: you don't know as much as many people who have been there before do, but you know a hell of a lot more than they think you do. 

    At the end of the day however, YOU know YOUR kid better than anyone.  So while in their opinion being attentive is a negative thing you know its the right thing for you and your baby.  In their experience burping is the anwer to everything, or xyz was the problem with their kid but you know better with yours.

    I think if you look at it as people just trying to help it may give you some relief.  Just smile and nod at the stuff you know is crap and try to ignore your MIL- she'll realize soon enough that you're doing a great job!  Also, just stay confident in your skills and knowledge but also be open to suggestion; you never know when someone will have actual insight that will help :)

     

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  • I got this a ton w/ DS1 too.  Not so much any more - except I get some snide comments about bedsharing from my MIL.  It's our second kid, lady - maybe you realize we don't want your effing opinions on it by now?  Ignore it and stick to your guns - and throw the random snide remark back every so often like "yeah, it must have been weird to have kids back when people thought ignoring them was good parenting".  My personal favorite. 
  • imageBFab11:

    It happens, it'll never go away.  Anyone who had kids before you (even if their kid is minutes older than yours, lol) or has more kids than you or babysat more than you did or read an article in a magazine about kids knows children better than you, apparently.  But you're right; nobody knows YOUR kid like you do, so you have to just let it slide and not worry about them.  

    You'll get it from family, friends, doctors, strangers, whoever.  At the end of the day you're the mom and you get to make the decisions, so it's a good thing you're the one with the most knowledge about your kid, right?  It's really frustrating, sorry you're dealing with it.

    Haha. Yes... even if minutes older :) Thanks for reminding me this won't go away. I think it will help me respond better, actually. 

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  • imageliongish119:

    Being a new mom is a double-edged sword: you don't know as much as many people who have been there before do, but you know a hell of a lot more than they think you do. 

    At the end of the day however, YOU know YOUR kid better than anyone.  So while in their opinion being attentive is a negative thing you know its the right thing for you and your baby.  In their experience burping is the anwer to everything, or xyz was the problem with their kid but you know better with yours.

    I think if you look at it as people just trying to help it may give you some relief.  Just smile and nod at the stuff you know is crap and try to ignore your MIL- she'll realize soon enough that you're doing a great job!  Also, just stay confident in your skills and knowledge but also be open to suggestion; you never know when someone will have actual insight that will help :)

     

    You described being a new mom well. It really is a double-edge sword. Thank you for the encouragement to stay confident and open. 

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  • imageSeaMama:
    I got this a ton w/ DS1 too.  Not so much any more - except I get some snide comments about bedsharing from my MIL.  It's our second kid, lady - maybe you realize we don't want your effing opinions on it by now?  Ignore it and stick to your guns - and throw the random snide remark back every so often like "yeah, it must have been weird to have kids back when people thought ignoring them was good parenting".  My personal favorite. 

     I may eventually get the comments about bedsharing, since I have already watched it happen to my SIL.  That one I think I can handle. I just never expected to get comments about feeding my him. LOL. Naive.

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  • RedZeeRedZee member

    I get so sick of the annoying comments! I was at a playgroup the morning after DD had been up a ton at night. I said I was tired and all the women were telling me that I need to let DD CIO. 2 even offered to come over and let her cry while I was in the other room or went out! I end up just not sharing everything with everyone. No one needs to know the details of our sleeping arrangements or whatever.

    My favorite moments are when someone (OK, MIL and FIL) tell me that I'm doing something wrong and then realize that I know what I'm doing because I've gotten to know the person that I'm with 24/7. You'd think they'd learn. Even though you know it's part of being a new mom it is still REALLY annoying.

         
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  • imageBFab11:

    It happens, it'll never go away.  Anyone who had kids before you (even if their kid is minutes older than yours, lol) or has more kids than you or babysat more than you did or read an article in a magazine about kids knows children better than you, apparently.  But you're right; nobody knows YOUR kid like you do, so you have to just let it slide and not worry about them.  

    You'll get it from family, friends, doctors, strangers, whoever.  At the end of the day you're the mom and you get to make the decisions, so it's a good thing you're the one with the most knowledge about your kid, right?  It's really frustrating, sorry you're dealing with it.

     This.  And as LO gets older, you will find what you are complaining about lessens (LO will speak and tell you what they want), but still your decisions will constantly be in question and we all just do the best we can.
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  • You'll have to learn to ignore those comments and have confidence in yourself.  Even now, I doubt myself bc others will try to convinve me what DD needs.  The only people who have gotten better at trusting my instincts are DH and my mom bc they spend the most time with her (after me, of course).  But, MIL barely sees her and will make similar comments even now.

    Hang in therea 

  • I feel the same way. My LO is my first, and has been a difficult baby to say th least, but my AP mindset was there prior to having ehr anyway. My issue is how to deal with being second guessed, and challeneged when it is family,... aka MIL. I dont want to fight or have confrontation, but when she tells me " no, you should be doing it like xyz, or E is like this bc you did blah blah blah.  I get so annoyed!

    Yes, I bedshared until she was 9 months, and BF on demand & will cont past 1 yr, and respond quickly to her needs and wants... and I do not see anything wrong with that. She is my daughter and I will do what works for us!

    I think  ignoring ppls remarks and comments is necesary at times but also standing up for yourself ( I am telling myself this too, lol) is important as well. I think if I was a little more assertive in my responses to ppl, maybe i would hear less grief about my choises.

    but I just dont even understand why soo many ppl offer up unwanted advice and comments. I dont comment when other parents do things different from me, or parent in a way I don't... so why does everyone care. ok. well good luck... guess I dodnt help much

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  • imageBFab11:

    It happens, it'll never go away.  Anyone who had kids before you (even if their kid is minutes older than yours, lol) or has more kids than you or babysat more than you did or read an article in a magazine about kids knows children better than you, apparently.  But you're right; nobody knows YOUR kid like you do, so you have to just let it slide and not worry about them.  

    lol totally this.

    I get annoyed by the same thing, OP. If LO is fussing, and I say "poor little guy is fussy because he missed his morning nap/he's teething/he's hungry/fill in the blank", my MIL will say "I think he has a tummy ache". She ALWAYS thinks he has a tummy ache. I've started ignoring it.

    Also, I get

    Me: "He's hungry, I better feed him." Someone else: "Oh he's not hungry. You're not hungry, are you, Linus?" Big eye roll.

    But yeah, I think its just a part of being a parent.


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