XP: extended nursing - long vent/need advice!
I am nursing my DD who is 14 months old. She still nurses usually 5x during the day, and sometimes during the night if she wakes. The night feeding is a comfort thing for sure, and I have been ok with this. So here's my situation. I have been a SAHM since she was born, but will probably be returning to work soon, out of financial need more than a desire to work. I am really hoping for something part time, but I may not have that option.
I would like to continue nursing her, but I
don't really want to pump at work, and I don't want to start trying to
drop feedings if I don't know when I will start working. I definitely
don't want to try to completely wean her b/c I am not ready yet, and
also, I think weaning, me starting work, her starting daycare, etc., is
just too many changes all at once. I want her to still have some
protection from my BM so she doesn't get sick a lot if/when she starts
daycare. I am thinking that maybe I'll nurse her till she's 18 months...but I just don't know for sure yet.
Part II of my problem: The last time my DH and I tried to go out
in the evening, my mom and dad (whom DD is very comfortable with) were
here to babysit. I nursed her right before we left, and had some of my
milk ready for my mom to try to give her in a sippy cup. I think they
fed her dinner too, I can't remember for sure. (She hasn't taken a
bottle since she was probably 4-5 months old). When we got home, DD was
basically pitching a fit - screaming, kicking her legs, etc. with my mom
trying to rock and put her down. DH calmed her down a lot, but then I
had to nurse her to get her to fully calm down and sleep.
On top of this, my freezer stash is about to expire (it's from
last August and a bit from early September.) She does take cow's milk in
a sippy, but just a taste. And I don't know that she would even take my
milk in the sippy during the day. Has anyone had a somewhat similar
experience with returning to work while nursing after being a SAHM for 14+ months? What worked for you? Also, is there any chance for DH and I to get out for dinner and a movie before she is weaned?? Help!
Re: XP: extended nursing - long vent/need advice!
Hmm, maybe try one or two nights a week to have DH put her to bed with the sippy cup. You may need to be out of the house for this.
Honestly, I am not sure how your supply will keep up if you don't pump. If you miss feedings regularly, your body will get the signal that you don't need to make as much milk.
If she is getting solid food, it sounds like she doesn't need to nurse, but gets some comfort (and some great antibodies) out of it. I know you don't know when you will start work and you don't want to totally wean her, but to make it an easier transition, I would suggest trying to cut down on some sessions. Maybe give her BM in a sippy cup instead or do cuddles? It's better to try and do it now than have her deal with it later, i.e. if you have to miss several sessions multiple times due to a new work schedule.I think it would be easier on your DD.
Good luck!
One option I've considered concerning pumping at work is this. I have been told by my fav LC that you can train your body to nurse 2x or 3x a day. So I could still nurse her when I am at home, and then while I am at work, pump and then wean down those sessions, so my body can adjust.
I read a post a few weeks ago on this board about working moms who have been able to quit pumping, but still nurse mornings/evenings/nights, and then on the weekends, nurse more during the day (when they're normally at work). I think this is probably only possible at 12+ months. They have an established supply that isn't as easily affected by missed feedings. And the more frequent weekend nursing is probably a lot for comfort, in addition to any nutrition the child receives. I am hoping we can figure something like this out...but I am sure this doesn't work for everyone.
Nursing at home and then pumping/weaning at home may work.
As you can see, my DD is still pretty young and I pump about every 2-3 hours at work, since that is how often she eats. As she gets older and is eating less often, I will probably start dropping pumping sessions.
You can always try it and find out!
I think this could work for you. It's what I'm planning to do very soon. I'm still pumping once a day at work, but I'm hoping to stop soon and just nurse 3 times a day when we're together (morning, after work, bedtime).
As for the bottle/sippy cup issue, I think you need to keep trying. It may take several days for her to take milk in a bottle or cup. Maybe have your DH try once a day. But I think even if she flat-out refuses and you have to give up on her drinking milk in a cup, it will be ok as long as you can still nurse her 2-3 times a day and she gets dairy from other sources (cheese, yogurt).
I started nursing only in the morning and at night (and all wknd) at 9 months. My pumping supply tanked at that point and I was only getting 10 oz vs the 20 I had been getting. It was actually fairly easy.
If I were you, I would start cutting back to a morning and night nursing now if you know you are going back to work, to avoid so many changes at the same time.
I agree with the others that after about 12 months it is definitely possible to wean during the day and still nurse at night, morning, weekends etc. We've been doing it for 6 months now with no problem. If you end up not weaning down the daytime feedings before going back to work you might want to rent a pump for a week or two just in case you get engorged at work (I'm really not sure if you would or not, I weaned down at work pretty gradually).
In terms of date night... my son has only a handful of times in his life gone to sleep without me, and each of those times it was a nightmare. We've basically just modified our date night routine. We go to a matinee, then dinner if we want and come home to put him to bed. It works better for us than worrying about someone else trying to put our miserable baby to sleep.
This.
I'm totally ok with extended BFing, but you have to be honest with yourself here - you're doing it more for you now than you are her.
A toddler in the US doesn't NEED to nurse. She should be getting plenty of her nutrients from table food and regular milk. Breastmilk is obviously still good for her, but she doesn't NEED to nurse 5 times a day anymore. She doesn't NEED to nurse at night anymore. At 14 months, she should be working on drinking out of sippy cups.
If you truly plan to go back to work soon, you're going to have to start wearning her of some of this. She NEEDS to learn how to manage without you and your breasts.
I would start phasing out the daytime nursing, start offering her a sippy and cuddles instead. I bet that she adjusts a lot quicker than you think she will.
I agree with this.
I also don't think there's anything wrong with a 14 month-old toddler nursing as frequently as yours does. At that age, I still BF on-demand when I wasn't working, which worked out to be naptime, bedtime and in the middle of the night for the most part. At daycare, they drank from a sippy, ate food and napped without nursing.
As for date nights, once DD was over a year, I felt more comfortable leaving her. She's not too happy to go to sleep without me, but she survives. And we hardly ever go out anyway
Macy ~ 10.23.09
sorry, duplicate post.
Macy ~ 10.23.09
My DD has been in full time daycare since 4 months and never took a bottle very well. I stopped pumping shortly after 1 year and she just nurses when she's with me. She will be two next month and is really just now starting to cut back on nursing. She was a total milkaholic at 14 months. Anyway, my point is, I agree that you don't need to worry about pumping and sending milk. She will get her fill of nursing when you are together.
On evenings out, I am no help. My DD is such a high maintenance sleeper that I just can't imagine messing with the bedtime routine right now, and besides I'm so sleep deprived that I'd rather be in bed by 9pm anyway.
We do like the pp suggested and do afternoon "date night" sometimes, and that works out well. Good luck to you!
I haven't read through the posts, but I want to say that this was our situation exactly, I went back to work when dd was 13 months old. she never took bottles and didn't like cows milk. I had weaned her down to four nursing sessions at that point, morning, naps, and before bed. I spent a lot of time experimenting- and found that she would drink flavored kefir and ate cheese. I continued to nurse am and pm (no pumping) and kept giving her vitamin d drops. The pedi was ok with this. Eventually daycare got her to take cows milk in a sippy cup, and we just weaned a few weeks ago.
And as far as the going out... at around 19 months dd starting asking to nurse further and further away from bedtime, no longer right before. We managed to get her session moved to right when we got home from bedtime. at that point dh could finally put her down to bed. and tomorrow night is the FIRST time a babysitter will be putting her down (fingers crossed). II had the sitter come and hang out at bedtimes a few times this week to build up to it. t was a long road, and not something everyone would have been ok with, but for us this was ok. DD needed me. She's not a super easy kid about sleep and bedtime and for me it wasn't worth messing with. Good luck!
Oops that was supposed to be, home from work, not bedtime (that doesn't even make sense). and ditto to altering dates- we would go out after dd went down for the night.
Also- of course you aren't nursing for you, that doesn't even make sense. Anyone who has nursed a toddler knows it isn't easy- they are all over the place- doing gymnastics, twiddling with your body parts... you do it for them. I still enjoyed it up to a point- but when dd was jabbing her fingers into my chest...that was not for me!
I BFed DS for just over a year - I loved nursing. But it became rather obvious to me when he was ready to be done, and was only nursing out of habit.
I would argue that a sign that a child is ready to be weaned is a child who no longer requests to nurse or doesn't do so for very long when his/her emotionally needy mother forces him on the breast. Nursing gymnastics is just a comfort thing. I also don't think nursing out of habit is a problem if it works for both parties.
Macy ~ 10.23.09
as someone whose been nursing/tandem nursing, etc...for the past 5 years, all while working ft(with 1 child), pt (now), and being a sahm(for 8 months after son was born), i offer the following advice:
stop the pumping and just start combining your stash with milk. your body should regulate to feed the baby when needed.
don't worry about it. some children nurse longer than others...mine obviously do! don't ask people's advice on whether or not you should be doing it because some people just don't get it...go to kellymom.com or talk to an LC or laleche league leader. i don't remember the last time i nursed my daughter...that makes me sad, in a way...but happy that it wasn't some huge deal. she just simply moved on from it when she was ready.
remember: you didn't suddenly start nursing a 14 month old; your baby grew into this and if it's nutrition or comfort you are providing then i'd say you're doing your job!
let me know if you have other ?s...it's really not that hard to do. you can make it a problem, however, if you get all obsessed with it! i found that when i just stopped talking about it and 2nd guessing everything, everything just fell into place!
OP says that she'll likely have to return to working FT soon - if that's the case, she simply won't be able to nurse 5 times/day anymore. If her daughter won't take liquids any other way, she HAS to work that out before she goes back to work. Nurse before and after work, on the weekends, whatever. But the toddler needs to learn how to get through the day without mom's breast - there's no way around that if mom is going back to work.
Pumping 5 times a day for a 14 month old does, IMO, sound nuts though.
Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions. I didn't add in my original post, b/c it was already so long, that I did go to work this past week, Mon., Tues. and Wed. for 4-5 hours at a time. (On a temp basis to help a friend). I nursed her probably 2x bf we left home, and once when I left her with my SIL, and then she went down for a nap Tues. and Wed. just fine without me nursing her immediately before. She ate food and drank water out of her sippy. My SIL offered her WCM in a sippy too (as I requested) and she only drank a little bit. According to my SIL, her DD didn't really drink WCM till she was weaned. I think I'll keep it as an option when we're apart for an extended time, and she will eventually learn to take it. If not, we'll do more cheese and attempt yogurt again, or cottage cheese, etc.
On Thurs. and Fri. I was home with her all day. Fri. I decided to try dropping one of her nursing sessions, and she did fine - 4x during the day and once at midnight. Yes, I know she does not need to EAT at midnight, but I am not bothered by comforting her in this way. Sat. I nursed her first thing in the AM, then I fed her breakfast and lunch bf nursing her again around nap time. I left the house and my mom put her down (without a fight!) for her nap. So yesterday she only nursed 4x b/c she didn't wake during the night. Today I nursed her 8:30am, fed her breakfast, went to church, nursed her again at 12:30pm, went to lunch at my mom's and she ate big time, and DH put her down for her nap without a fuss around 3:45. (Late for nap, but that's how Sunday's go...) Hopefully she's learning she can nap without being nursed immediately beforehand.
If/when I do return to work (hopefully part-time), I definitely don't plan to pump 2x during the day...at this point, I think that would just be annoying and a hassle for me. And obviously we haven't had a lot of date nights, or we would have figured out how to get her down without me! I think my husband is itching to get away, just the two of us. We'll just have to talk it out and see when we can make it happen. And hopefully my mom will be willing to put up with some crying!