Changes are Coming - Living with parents/in laws please come in

DefiantRose · July 2011

We've got lots of changes coming our way, and lots of decisions to make. DH is top runner for a new store that's opening up about 40 miles from where we live. He already drives 30 miles to work each day as it is, so it's not THAT much further, but with gas prices the way they are, we're debating on moving.

I didn't really want Brooklynn going to school in the town we live in anyways, I was not happy here, and the school system has gotten worse since I left. I subbed at the jr high and high school settings for about a year, and I could live without ever having to set foot in those schools again.

The main decision that has me worried, is that DH wants us to move in with his parents for a few months so we can save up for down-payment and first/last months rent, plus that would give me a chance to get a couple of bills paid off so we wouldn't have to worry about them. Their place is a lot closer to his new store, so we would also be saving gas money that way.

I get along with MIL and SIL (18) for the most part, FIL is a trucker so he's always on the road, but seems nice when he's around. I have issues with BIL (10) though. He grates on my last nerve, and I think usually its on purpose. I realize he's just 10, I do, but he is spoiled beyond belief, as well as having some other issues. I don't think this child has ever been told "no" in his entire life.

I hate the idea of having to move in with either of our parents. I know it could really help us, but its going to be a huge blow to my pride. In the end, I will probably agree to this, but for right now, I'm having a tough time coming to grips with it. I wish we could just jump straight from our house now to a new house of our own, but I just don't think that's possible.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice - if you're currently living with in-laws or even parents, what advice do you have for me?

Twinkz · July 2011

When DH got out of the service he moved in with me and my parents. We lived there for 11 months. Was it great? No. Do I regret it? No. It allowed DH to get a civilian job, for us to save up some extra money and then for us to purchase our first home.

SMask · July 2011

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice. However, I'd love to hear other advice because we are doing the same thing while we build a house. I am a little nervous about living with the IL's!

Ginafawny · July 2011

During my pregnancy I lived with my in-laws. At first I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea, we can save money. But I wish I had never agreed to it. Did we save money? No, in fact we are further in debt then before. But that's because DH has horrible money sense. It also had MIL and myself fighting ALL the time! And DH would never take my side. He wouldn't take any sides. I will never move in there ever again. I would rather run up bills in a hotel or find a crappy apartment. Maybe your in-laws wont be as crazy as mine were. After we moved out it took me a couple of months to even stand seeing my MIL again. And now I have to warn DH that I can only take her in small doses. My advice dont do it but if you have no other choice make sure you have equal say in the house because you are not a guest you will be living there. And it would also help if your DH would agree with you.

aktemple · August 2011

Ginafawny:
During my pregnancy I lived with my in-laws. At first I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea, we can save money. But I wish I had never agreed to it. Did we save money? No, in fact we are further in debt then before. But that's because DH has horrible money sense. It also had MIL and myself fighting ALL the time! And DH would never take my side. He wouldn't take any sides. I will never move in there ever again. I would rather run up bills in a hotel or find a crappy apartment. Maybe your in-laws wont be as crazy as mine were. After we moved out it took me a couple of months to even stand seeing my MIL again. And now I have to warn DH that I can only take her in small doses. My advice dont do it but if you have no other choice make sure you have equal say in the house because you are not a guest you will be living there. And it would also help if your DH would agree with you.

Um, this is exactly why I wouldn't want to live with my in-laws or my parents. The fact is, you ARE a guest in their home. You may be living there, but it's temporary. I love my in-laws and parents and they love us, but I like to "run" my house they way I want and they like to do the same which would cause us to but heads. If you can handle living under someone else's rules then go for it, but don't go in there expecting to run the show.

Ginafawny · August 2011

Your right aktemple. I should use better wording. I mean by "guest" is that guest are only there for a short time and are able to leave anytime they want. Even if it is temp this wont be a vacation visit, you will be actually living there having to laundry, cook, clean etc... And many fights I had centered around how I do laundry, it came to a point where I wasn't allowed to do my own laundry because MIL thought I would break her machine. All because I would never separate my colors, in my defense I doubt the washer noticed. But I did not like anyone other then me washing my under garments so the fights continued. Now I by no means wanted to run the house I just wanted to take care of my own things. Also think about maybe my DH's family is just crazy and you will not have to deal with anything like this.

BeetleLinz1125 · August 2011

I think that if you have the opportunity to do something that will help you in the long run, you should do it. We haven't lived with either side (there was talk about us moving into my parents house though -shudder lol- but luckily we didn't have to do that.)

Just make sure if you decide to do it that both sides have clear expectations of how things will go. i.e. laundry, cleaning, contributing to groceries, meal planning. I think it can work, but a lot of times people forget that those little things make all the difference.

As far as the 10 yo BIL...you might just have to have a talk with MIL about this....Either that or try to just let it not bother you. I wouldn't let a 10 year old stand in the way of an opportunity that will help my family.

misskris927 · August 2011

We put an addition on our house while I was pg- we lived with my MIL for 4 months. I was worried about it at first, but it wasn't bad at all. We had our own room, but shared the bathroom and living room. She pretty much let us have run of the house, so it did somewhat feel like "home" to me. I tried to clean whenever I could, and always helped with the dishes and what not.

If you get along with your in-laws, I'm sure it will be fine. GL!

lfrank86 · August 2011

We lived with my ILs for about a year and a half. It was WAY too long and my mental health suffered greatly. I totally get having to do it, because it was a necessary evil for us, so here are some things I learned from our experience:

set boundaries
offer to contribute to chores, costs, groceries, etc.
set a timeline for moving out
keep your space clean (seems lame, but at least you can't get griped at!)
work out with DH ahead of time how you'll handle stuff with ILs
if you need to, get stuff in writing
have a budget for your new situation so you can maximize the time you do have to live with ILs

Good luck!

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