MOST tacky alert EVER!

weddingbells2010 · July 2011

I'm starting to re-think the circle of people I spend time with. I can't understand why so few of us have enough common sense to be tactful and respectful people to others.

This week's tacky alert really takes the cake, in my book: a facebook invite to come over to paint and decorate the nursery and assemble the furniture.

Honestly, is it just me? Am I being too judgy? I read it and was like.. whaaaa? Really? You're asking everyone to come do the hard work for you, after we furnished the nursery at your tacky shower where we were asked to bring a dish to feed everyone and a game for the guests to play (at a park)... and is this considered my THANK YOU for that gift, since I never got one? You clearly got my gift, since you're asking me to come over and help assemble it.

Liz4444 · July 2011

I think it's time for you to find some new friends who are as polite and socially conscious as you are! I'll put $20 on the fact that they'll order pizzas then ask everyone for money when the delivery guy comes.

We can hang out when I have to go to LI to see the IL's!

LuvMyFurbaby · July 2011

Eh, I don't see anything wrong with it.

I've been invited to "painting parties" before (mostly with an email), after friends have bought homes. I paint a bit, they provide pizza and beer -- all good.

EastCoastBride · July 2011

I don't see the big deal either. It's an invitation, not a subpoena. Don't go. I've helped people paint and ive helped painting. It's usually fun!

Happily Overwhelmed · July 2011

I'm inbetween... I too see nothing wrong with a little get together to paint/put the room together. It could be a good time. We've been invited and invited others over to help us with home projects. It's never really a big deal as long as it's a give and take situation.

However, you SHOULD get a thank you before you're asked/invited to something else. And I do think being invited to shower and bringing your own dish is boardline tacky. Leave potlucks to potlucks and showers to hostesses.

I think you have a reason to be mad and not go. You didn't HAVE TO get a gift and your thoughtfulness should be acknowledged before expecting more thoughtfulness.

varkeyr · July 2011

Tacky yes. But she might also be trying to get hubby to help her paint and furnish the nursery before LO arrives. My cousin did this BEFORE her shower with just the guys. She supplied the BBQ and beer. She cooked while everyone else painted. It was done in record time and we all had some fun.

weddingbells2010 · July 2011

I guess because it's a nursery I'm put off by it. We had friend who OFFERED to come over and help when we were just moving in, and we certainly took them up on the offer and treated them to lunch/dinner/beers/whatever as our thanks for the help. I guess I just think the nursery is a special thing to do with your SO. Plus, coupled with the tacky shower and lack of a thank you for the gift, it came off as another grab-attempt.

Liz4444 · July 2011

Personally, I feel like if you need help doing something, you should hire someone, you don't impose on your friends. DH and I know we aren't handy in any way, we hired someone to paint and made sure that the companies who deliver the furniture also put everything together.

DiademChi · July 2011

Wow. And not a good wow. I could understand if you were on bed-rest and your husband/partner desperately needed the help -- but even then, it should be offered only to very close family/friends in the area with a clear offer of food. It's one thing to ask for help from those close to you in a time of actual need, but this seems ridiculous.

For example, when we bought our house and had less than a week to paint everything before the movers arrived with our stuff, our nearby Aunt * offered * to come over and help us paint. We of course provided all the food and thanked her profusely.

bhw5660 · July 2011

I wouldn't go and probably distance myself from this "friend" from now on. Next thing, she will probably be asking you to babysit her first day home from the hospital so that she and her DH can go on a date. Relationships are give and take and you shouldn't keep score but its nice to show friends that they are appreciated and not just take advantage of them.

mairanellis · July 2011

How many people does it take to paint a nursery?? Aren't most nurseries really small bedrooms? Even if it's a large room, how many people does it really take to slap 2 coats of paint on it? It's not like they need help painting the whole house, it's just one room. It sounds like they should have asked just one of their closest friends for help, if they really needed the help.

EastCoastBride · July 2011

We put our nursery together on our own. But I was hugely PG when we were doing this and was of virtually no help to my DH w putting the furniture together. That's why I see a certain irony that you think asking for help for any room is fine but the nursery is tacky. that's probably when we needed the most help!

LuvMyFurbaby · July 2011

Liz4444:
Personally, I feel like if you need help doing something, you should hire someone, you don't impose on your friends. DH and I know we aren't handy in any way, we hired someone to paint and made sure that the companies who deliver the furniture also put everything together.

I'm not sure if this sounds snobbish or lazy.

Not everyone can afford to hire someone whenever something needs to be done around the house.

Liz4444 · July 2011

LuvMyFurbaby:

Liz4444:
Personally, I feel like if you need help doing something, you should hire someone, you don't impose on your friends. DH and I know we aren't handy in any way, we hired someone to paint and made sure that the companies who deliver the furniture also put everything together.

I'm not sure if this sounds snobbish or lazy.

Not everyone can afford to hire someone whenever something needs to be done around the house.

If you can't afford to hire someone, do it yourself. If someone wants to offer to help you or you ask one or two very close friends to help, great, but to play it off as a party when you want people to come over for the purpose of free labor... I find that incredibly rude. I also personally think it's worth it to spend the money to have a professional put furniture together so that I know it's done safely and correctly for my baby. If that makes me a snob then I'm a snob.

BakerMommy · July 2011

On its own it might be okay as a fun "get together with friends and laugh our way through furniture assembly" event. However, after reading about her do-it-yourselves shower, it seems very tacky. It sounds like someone missed the day when they explained how to behave like a grown up in school.

NewFamily09 · July 2011

Sounds kind of lazy to me. How many people can it possibly take to paint a nursery? Is it a huge room or something? Our kids' bedrooms aren't that big. Two people should be able to do the job easily. My DH painted the rooms himself, since I was pregnant. He got it done in a few hours. If they are too lazy or busy to paint the nursery, they can hire someone to do it. It sounds like they are taking advantage of people just because they are expecting. Wow, just wait til they are parents.

weddingbells2010 · July 2011

Liz4444:
LuvMyFurbaby:

Liz4444:
Personally, I feel like if you need help doing something, you should hire someone, you don't impose on your friends. DH and I know we aren't handy in any way, we hired someone to paint and made sure that the companies who deliver the furniture also put everything together.
I'm not sure if this sounds snobbish or lazy.
Not everyone can afford to hire someone whenever something needs to be done around the house.
If you can't afford to hire someone, do it yourself. If someone wants to offer to help you or you ask one or two very close friends to help, great, but to play it off as a party when you want people to come over for the purpose of free labor... I find that incredibly rude. I also personally think it's worth it to spend the money to have a professional put furniture together so that I know it's done safely and correctly for my baby. If that makes me a snob then I'm a snob.

This. I don't disagree with PP that the nursery is probably the time when DH could use the help the most b/c being pregnant makes everything harder... BUT, I'd call my BFF or my brother. I wouldn't make a facebook invite with a 25 person invite list. Coupled with the tacky shower it was glaringly obvious that they just want other people to do everything for them.

NechamaChayim · July 2011

Liz4444:
I think it's time for you to find some new friends who are as polite and socially conscious as you are! I'll put $20 on the fact that they'll order pizzas then ask everyone for money when the delivery guy comes.

We can hang out when I have to go to LI to see the IL's!

Ha. I had a friend do that once and I offered to pay the tip. I gave the guy $10 (which he said made his day after a very crappy afternoon) and she got mad! She mentioned it for years (I'm serious) because she thought I should have just given the money to her. She also tried to get people to help her renovate her house all the time so I could see her doing something similar.

NaturalBlond · July 2011

It's not a big deal and certainly not tacky. It's no more imposing than an invite to any event is imposing. If you don't want to go, don't. You are letting her other, perhaps more questionable behavior, cloud your judgment on this one.

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