What will (did you/are you) you do differently in regards to AP w/ additional lo's? — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

What will (did you/are you) you do differently in regards to AP w/ additional lo's?

I had a terrible c-section recovery so I'm hoping a vbac, if successful, will allow us to bedshare earlier. I was a stress case about nursing and watching the clock during those first months I hope I can be more relaxed. I want to try out different carriers as I've only used SSCs with DD. We fell into AP by doing what felt right so it will be nice to have the confidence that our way is the best for our family. Oh and if people badger me again about how long I plan to nurse I won't be as polite :-). That is about as far as I've gone with this train of thought.
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Re: What will (did you/are you) you do differently in regards to AP w/ additional lo's?

  • I will definitely get a wrap immediately :-) I remember seeing this 'cruncy' mama in a shop with a newborn in a wrap when Zoe was 3 months and I had never tried anything but a Bjorn. I complimented the mother and she laughed and said that she had never had the courage to use a wrap with her first baby but this was her second so she had promised herself to learn. I guess that is a classic then... I also know so much about BFing that I won't sweat it next time. I might have different problems but I know where to go (here for example :-). 
    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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  • I'm hoping for a med free vbac. My recovery wasn't awful, but wasn't exactly great either. The more I've gone over my birth experience (scratch that, having my baby cut out experience), the more I feel like I was really duped. That's a whole 'nother post though. I know the c/s was the cause of our rough start to BFing & bonding, & may have contributed to my ppd/ppa. 

    I won't bother buying a crib or cosleeper unless our next LO just refuses to sleep with us. And I won't stress about bedsharing - I did way too much of that the 1st few months b/c of outside pressure. Finally DH & I were like "we love it, screw everybody else."

    I will BW more since I'll have a toddler to run after & will be SAH from the get go. I still wear Ari & did so a lot from about 8 weeks pp (I wanted to before that but couldn't b/c of my c/s recovery), but since I was working FT, I didn't get to wear him as much as DH did.

    Oh, & I will have no problems telling friends & family members who feel the need to tell me I'm nuts for doing xyz to STFU.  

     

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  • Well, I've been thinking a lot about this lately as I am about 10 weeks along now and DH is scheduled for a deployment very soon.  So I have both been thinking about remaining AP for my toddler and a new baby without him for a while, all while worrying about keeping a routine and normalcy for Liam.  This has been a bit stressful for me, but I really hope that my AP philosophies are helpful for this transition for him, the new baby, and myself.

    I know that I will BW from the start with the new baby a lot out of necessity as well as for attachment.  I was so concerned with Liam gaining weight and feeling so much self doubt about BF that I would let him nurse all the time.  Now I am confident with nursing in a sling/wrap so I will use a carrier to nurse  the new baby so I can be hands free.

    I also think that I will bed share from the start instead of using a pack and play just to make things easier on me.  I guess this just depends on Liam and how he does with his own sleep once that time comes.  Right now he sleeps well in his own room, but I worry with his daddy being gone, and a new baby on top of that, that he might need that extra closeness with me in bed.  I don't know how I feel about bed sharing with a newborn and a toddler, so I will just have to see how it all goes.

    What makes me really nervous in regards to labor is I had an induced, but pain med free birth with Liam and my DH was amazing and really helped me deal with the contractions and the pain. Although he will try to make it home for R&R for the birth, I know that there is a likely chance that he will not be able to, and I just hope that I am strong enough on my own to do it.  

    Basically, I will just be more confident in my AP parenting and knowing that if I pay close attention, my kiddos will tell me just what it is that they need.  I definitely have seen the benefits of AP with my toddler, who is now a super dependent, happy child.  I will just follow the baby's cues and go from there, and hopefully I will actually be as calm about having 2 kids without my husband home as I feel now writing about it. Big Smile

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  • I'm definitely going to look into some la leche league meetings to learn more about BF. I had very traditional BF advice, and I agonised over watching the clock, and always having to know exactly what time she latched. I'm pretty sure it doesn't have to be that complex.

    I'll use a wrap sooner. I didn't really discover wraps until LO was around 4 months old. 

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  • I will want to use wraps with this LO.  I have a mei-tai that I bought during the pregnancy that I really like.  I had only used ring slings and SSCs with DD, and not until she was a little older.  I pretty much held her for the first 6 months of her life.  It was very sweet, but it won't be doable with 2. 

    I will start bedsharing immediately with this LO.  It made life so much easier for all of us with DD.  I won't care what the inlaws think/say about it...I don't remember caring much the last time, either. 

    I hope that breastfeeding goes well.  It went really well with DD, but I know that every mother/baby pair is different.  I am curious to see whether or not I will tandem breastfeed.  DD is still nursing as of right now.  She will be 2 tomorrow and I am 30 weeks pregnant.  I'll follow her lead. 

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  • I also thought of one more thing - next time I hope to have better balance. I'm not quite sure how that's going to work out with 2, but I'm hoping that since I won't be working FT it will be achievable. 

    And yeah, ITA on the watching the clock while BFing thing. I was entirely to stressed about timing things those 1st few weeks. I read the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding way too late in the game.  

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  • Ditto pps on buying a better wrap. I had an Ellaroo, and it was nice, but DD outgrew it very quickly and I didn't have enough fabric to support her head. I didn't know at the time that I could find a longer wrap. For some reason, I figured there was a standard size. I switched to the Ergo exclusively around 6 weeks.

    I'd loooooove to try for a homebirth, but my insurance doesn't cover it. I need to figure out costs and if it would really be worth it to me.

    I am really conflicted on the nursing front. I still believe very strongly in BFing my next child, but there were so many unexpected issues with DD and, sadly, it feels like I'd have to go against some of my AP instincts to avoid them- the fact that she wouldn't take a bottle early on (I extended my maternity leave from work by a month because of this), the fact that even after she took bottles, she wouldn't take one at night to go to sleep and I ended up being the only person who could put her to sleep for the first 18 months of her life, and, finally, how ridiculously difficult, both emotionally and physically, weaning was for both of us when she was older. I never would have imagined these things when I was nursing a newborn, but now I am uber-aware of them and I don't know how that will influence my actions next time around.

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  • I had a c-section with E. & honestly? I don't know whether I'll try for a VBAC or not.  I do wish I hadn't had a c-section with E just because he was "too big & wouldn't fit".  If only I had known then what I know now... but such is life I guess.

    If I do have another c-section, I will definitely request that we have as many opportunities to bond immediately as possible. I want him placed on my chest after the cord is cut & before they swaddle him. I want him to remain with me while they finish my surgery. With DH's help, there is no reason this shouldn't be possible. Last time, E went with DH to our room while they finished my surgery.  So I was at least happy that he was with one of us instead of with the nurses or just lying in a bassinet, but I definitely wanted that initial bonding to take place with me. So before we even TTC I'm going to talk with my OB about what I'd lke to do differently next time.

    Hopefully I'll have more success BFing in the first few days than I did with E, now that I know what I'm doing & have BFing experience. E wouldn't latch in the hospital & for 2 weeks once we were home. Finally in his 3rd week we got it right. But those first few weeks of pumping around the clock weren't ideal & also led to some oversupply issues that are just now (at over 15 mos) beginning to clear up. Like, I just stopped wearing breast pads in my bra 2 weeks ago.

    I'm going to wrap a new LO sooner than I did with E. I only got my 1st wrap when he was 4 mos old & I'd like to BW a lot sooner than that. I had a RS, a moby & an Ergo earlier with E, but didn't love them the way I eventually loved wrapping.  Just being a more experienced BWer this time around, I think I'll feel comfortable doing it from day 1 with a new babe.

    As far as bedsharing, I'm torn. I don't think I could bedshare with a toddler and a newborn at the same time, yet thinking of moving E out of our bed makes me sad. But I think we would transition E slowly so that we could bedshare with the new babe right away. Or even have E in our room next to our bed maybe. He's in a sidecar right now, which might continue to work with a newborn in our bed. We shall see when the time comes.

    I think overall I'll be more laid back & confident in our decisions regardless of what others say/think.

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  • I will definitely babywear more.  With DS1 it wasn't as necessary, but with 2 LOs, I know it will be!

    Otherwise, we'll be doing what we did before... bedsharing when necessary, no CIO, BFing on-demand, etc.


  • Good question!  We're not sure we'll try for a second child but if we do I'll probably try for a VBAC, though given the complications during my previous labor I don't know if it'll happen.  I'll also come more prepared for breastfeeding and switch LC's if the first one isn't able to help.

    We wrapped pretty much from the beginning, but I'd like a wrap conversion mei tai to snuggle a squishy in.  I'd also like to try real CDs instead of gDiapers.

    While pregnant I was working lots of hours in a stressful job, then I spent a lot of my maternity leave dreading my return to work and grieving the loss of a dear friend and then my godfather.  While I know it's not necessarily a healthy outlook, I kind of want a "do over" for pregnancy and the first few months!  

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  • I hope to have another natural birth experience.  (I had a natural/low intervention hospital birth.)  I may leave the hospital a day earlier, though, just to get out of that circus. 

    I definitely will use better carriers from the beginning.  I made a ring sling when DD was a few weeks old, but have since realized that I did a terrible, not-very-safe job.  Now I have a better ring sling, another sling, a babyhawk and several wraps.  I will enjoy wearing my next baby much earlier.

    The most important difference, however is BALANCE!  I do not do very well with balance and I am already working on a plan for that for next time.  I will commit to spending 30 minutes each day, taking care of me, and allowing others to care for the new baby.  I think this will help DH and my mom feel better about being able to soothe the baby. 

  • I think I'm more relaxed this time around.  I'm also more confident in my parenting style and not second guessing myself. I didn't know what AP was when Ankaret was born, and just did what came naturally to me.  When I finally found Dr. Sears book it was wonderful to learn that things like bed sharing and Ankaret living in the sling were OK.

    I'm also working on getting a bit more "me" time.  It helps that Kaitlin is an easy baby, is OK being put down, and can nap on her own.  I am working on teaching her to fall asleep in more ways than just nursing so that I'm not the only one who can put her to sleep.  Ankaret still needs to be parented to sleep (and back to sleep) at 3.  She was never a sleeper, but we could have helped her along a bit better.

    I never had a woven wrap with Ankaret but always wanted one... so a Hopp Dublin was my first purchase when I found out I was pregnant again.  I haven't tried many carries, but I already love it way more than the moby.  I'm also thinking of adding a mei-tei to my collection.

    This is not AP exclusively, but I also plan on spending a lot more time out of doors all year.  We are outside a lot on nice days in the late spring/summer/early fall, but I tend to hibernate in the winter and not get out nearly enough.  This year we will be teaching Ankaret to cross country ski and upgrading our equipment too so that we can get a lot more winter exercise.

    Wow this turned out long...

    Well it's after 10pm, I should be sleeping, and I'm getting my me time late tonight, but it's an exception.  DH came home from work Friday with food poisoning (poor guy), and has been out of commission, and recovering slowly all day.

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  • I was definitely more relaxed.

    With that being said, I didnt do much "AP" type things with my 2nd. I tried to bedshare, she hated it. Cosleeping worked for the first 4 months, but then it worked better to have her sleep in her own room in her crib because she slept much better there. I do babywear a lot, naturally (how do you not with a toddler/newborn, lol)

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