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Want to help, but dont know her that well

MrsRonBurgundyMrsRonBurgundy member
in Postpartum Depression

Hi Ladies, A neighbor in my apt complex has a 6 month old (my baby is 2 mos older) we have gotten together a few times and everytime I get the impression she is really sad, on the verge of tears and just having a hard time. She had a tough birth (hospitalized for weeks) and recently she said the baby fell off he bed when her H was watching her and has bleeding in the brain. Baby was hospitalized for a few days, seems ok now, but they are monitoring the baby. 

I think this mom may have ppd, have always thought so. My SIL had a bad case of it and agrees (SIL met this woman a few times.) My SIL has said I can use her as an example, pass on her # etc but I don't know if it's my place to say something.  I tried to get her in a room w/ SIL (invited a few moms over, but SIL cancelled that day.)

 I'm wondering is there a way I can reach out to this woman? Can I ask her if she's ok w/out offending her? Can I tell her my SIL got help and is so much better. I don't know her that well and I do run into her like once a week, so I don't want to overstep, but I do want to help. Thanks. 

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Re: Want to help, but dont know her that well

  • TUSBride22TUSBride22 member
    I think it's awesome that you are so observant and care about her even though you've only spent time with her a few times.  I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "Are you ok?  You seem a little stressed out", and see what she says.  If someone had reached out to me like that when I was going though my PPD, I would have been relieved.  Just try to be there for her, and let her know that you're there if she needs anything.  I think that is the most important.  And good for you for wanting to help, she probably has no idea how much you care, and would appreciate knowing.  And totally use your SIL as an example, that's a great idea!  I would start with that, and ask her if she needs anything. GL!
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  • ladipaleladipale member

    Honestly? She may be just dying to talk to someone, and if you open the door a little, she may kick it open. i would!

    Can you try and talk about something about motherhood that has been overwhelming/sad for you? Can you start the conversation by opening up about something yourself? Even if it is a little exaggeration, opening the door for her might be just the thing she needs

    **** TW - kids and loss mentioned ****
    ~~ married 8.11.07
    ~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
    ~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
    ~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
    ~~ BFP4 10.27.16  MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
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  • milwjeanmilwjean

    I second what the other poster said about stating something that's bothering you.  Although, when I am in a funk, I can really perceive it the wrong way.  ie. "She's overwhelmed and her baby is perfect, my baby is really a mess."  Kind of like going swimsuit shopping with a 92 pound friend who complains about her arm flab, and then you think, "oh geez, I must really be fat." or going to a friends spotless house who says "I'm such a mess". But I digress.

    I would just invite her over for dinner with her baby. Baby playdate?  Or "just happened to have made extra cookies, old clothes from your kid...." whatever and just offer a specific thing without asking her to ask you for help. 

    Foster to Adopt Licensure Process. Expect to be licensed in Sept or Oct. Looking for infant and older sibling.
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