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1 week since missed miscarriage (LONG)

amyinindyamyinindy
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Hi ladies,

I'm new to your board. It has been 1 week since I found out we lost our baby and it's been a blur. I went in for my 2nd prenatal appt. I was almost 11 weeks. My doctor couldn't hear the baby's heartbeat with the doppler but said that was no big deal because sometimes they're just too small at 10 weeks to hear. She said she'd do even better and get me a picture, so off to the u/s room I went. My heart was pounding. I was alone b/c we thought this would be a routine appt and my hubby had a gazillion meetings at work that day.

 I laid down and saw my baby on the giant TV screen in the room. I was so nervous that it didn't hit me that what I saw on the screen was too small to be my 10+ week baby. I was just anxious to hear the heartbeat! Then I saw the tech take a measurement. I saw her type 8w1d. It STILL didn't hit me. She asked me to hold my breath and by then the door opened and it was my doctor. The tech had just turned on the heartbeat scanner and it was still and silent. They exchanged a glance and that's when the tech finally said what I knew but didn't want to hear "I'm so sorry, honey, but I don't see it." 

My doctor hugged me as I sobbed. No one knew better than she did how profound this loss was for us. At the end of my first pregnancy, I had HELLP and had to have an emergency c-section. 18 months later, I had to have a myomectomy to remove a large fibroid tumor that was taking over my uterus. Another 18 months went by and finally, we were pregnant after nearly 12 months of BFNs. I felt like we'd been through enough crap, now it was our turn! But it wasn't.

It feels like the ultimate body betrayal to have been continuing to believe I was pregnant for nearly 3 weeks before finding out. No cramping, no bleeding. I even told DH earlier last week that I felt my belly getting harder. I never had morning sickness with my first pregnancy, so to not have it this time wasn't alarming. I was still hungry all the time, tired all the time, and constantly needing to pee. I had no idea.

I did start to spot on Monday this week. By Tuesday, the day of my S&C, I had started to cramp and I was grateful I wasn't going to have to experience the miscarriage in the end. My doctor told DH after my surgery that I would have had to have had the S&C in the end anyway because of some clotting, but that overall things looked great. We have no reason to believe this wasn't because of chromosomal issues.

Physically, I feel fine. Still a little dizzy at times from the hormones and surgery I'm sure. But no pain and I can tell bleeding will be over soon. Emotionally, the pain comes and goes. Mostly, I feel helpless and deflated because we have to start all over now. I pray it does not take us another 12 months to conceive again. We are so anxious to give DS a little brother or sister and to experience the joy of another baby soon.

Thanks for listening to me. :) I needed to tell someone my story. 

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Re: 1 week since missed miscarriage (LONG)

  • ella.mabelella.mabel member
    I am so sorry for your loss.  I remember when they told me to hold my breath when they were listening for the heartbeat.  It's the absolute worst feeling when reality sinks in.  Wishing you peace and comfort.  ((hugs))
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  • figgs0831figgs0831 member

    I am so sorry for your loss.  At my A/S,my doctor told me that my baby was not going to make it.  We still had a heartbeat,  but it was getting weaker andI was able to hear it.  It was the worst feeling ever. 

    This board has been a great help for me and I hope you find the support you need here.

     Our baby boy,Logan, was born still at 19w3d on 7/1/2011
    Our 2nd baby boy, Mason, was born still at 20w3d on 1/31/2012

     After a much needed sanity break... we are praying for our rainbows

    ((BFP 7/29/13))  ((EDD 4/12/14))  It's BOY/GIRL twins!!!

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  • kristin329kristin329

    On Sunday I was also  informed at 11 weeks that I had miscarried. On Monday had D&E. I feel your pain.  One day we are happy and planning, next day it's over.  It's been a shock for us.  It took us 15 months to get pregnant.  We also want so badly to give our son a younger sibling but we are older and getting pregnant again may not be in the cards for us.  Still trying to wrap our heads around all this.

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