How do you balance it all?
septemberdc
member
Hi Ladies,
I have a 3 1/2 year old (DD) and a 9 week old (DS). I started back to work two weeks ago after not working for 2 years. Needless to say this is a big adjustment in our home. DH takes DD to preschool in the morning and my mother and MIL rotate watching DS so they come to us (at least for now). With that, when I leave, I go to work when they are all sleep still then put on my work hat. Then I come in the door and have to wear my other hat. DD and DH fight for my attention and I want to give love to DS, too then I cook dinner, baths, spend time. DD goes to bed first and DS just started sleeping 8 hours a few days ago so we haven't perfected that bed time just yet but we do have a routine. I feel like I go to bed to start all over again. How do you balance it all?
Re: How do you balance it all?
I have to say, when DD was 9 weeks old I DIDN'T balance it very well. But as time has gone on I've found a way better balance and now I feel like we have a pretty stable routine.
DH and I commute to work together so we get time to chat/spend time together during the 45 minute drive each way.
I drop DH and work and then drop DD at my mom's in the same town as where DH works. So when I drop DD at my mom's I get some good one-on-one time with DD there.
Then, after work I pick up DD and then pick up DH.
we get home, and we all cook together. DD goes in her high chair with some crackers or fruit and DH and i cook, it's nice family time.
After dinner we have play time, and bed time routine. DD is in bed by 7:30 and DH and I get alone time then too.
I do chores or prep meal stuff after DD is in bed.
Granted I only have one DD and not two kids, so you'd have to adjust for that.
But honestly, DH knows that during DD"s awake hours he just isn't going to get as much attention, and he's okay with that. Our adult time is after she is in bed.
Constant small adjustments, and not always the right ones.
I remember the days being very, very long at the beginning with 2 but the weeks flying by with me seeming to get very little done. Exhausted all the time. My kids are a year and a half apart so for a while it seemed like I was doing nothing but changing diapers, making meals/snacks and packing for us to go somewhere.
It's hard to juggle. And the guilt is part of parenthood.
Ask for help. If you H has not stepped up in a big way, ask him to. Men can be clueless about that. Try and carve out a little time for yourself every week. Even an hour for a walk or a pedi can make a big difference in the mental health department. Mom needs to be taken care of too, right?
It'll get better, or at least you'll get more used to it.
I have to say that you deserve a medal! In Canada we have 1 year subsidized mat leaves and I often thought of you working moms with infants. I never could have done it and I think you are doing a great job! I went back to work when my twins were 12.5 months old and found it hard but by then they were sleeping through the night so I have no right to complain.
Keep doing what you are doing, if some things slide just let them, it won't be forever.
I think you working moms living in the states are all rock stars!
I agree. Eventually a nice routine will develop, but until then don't beat yourself up. It will work out eventually.
set very low expectations. You don't/can't balance it all when you have a such a LO and going back to work to boot. Even if you were a SAH w/ 2, you'd feel stretched. Remember this will pass; the only things that truly matter - are you getting enough sleep, is your LO gaining weigh/eating and does your older one feel loved? Everything else can fall by the wayside until you find your new normal. I say it on here all the time, but just remember no one ever died from eating cereal for dinner for a week (or a month?) or PB&J or chicken nuggets either. Its not ideal, but you are still in survival mode. Your bathroom can survive not getting cleaned for a month too.
Be kind to yourself and know that your are doing great!
oh and also - your DH is gonna have to suck it up a little; he's a big kid and doesn't get all your attention right now - sorry.
One step at a time ...don't beat yourself up if you don't get something done ...ie laundry. it can wait, spend that extra time with the kiddos. DS#1 is 6 1/2 and can be independant but several days during the week he wants me to play with him. the only solution I can offer him is to bring his toys out and play with DS#2 and I. He usually is good with that because DS#2 loves to watch him play with his toys ...after about 45mins I am able to sneak away and get dinner cooked. Granted this doesn't work all the time, but sometimes.
I've also started meal planning ...going on week #2 of that. And its really helped, especially if you have a crock pot and you can throw everything in the crock in the morning and come home to a cooked meal, that really helps free up some play time.
Good luck! Its a daily challenge, but try not to beat yourself up. You guys will find what works for you as a family and then everything will just flow nicely!
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