Traditional Gender Roles

Boston2Bermuda · July 2011

I live in a very diverse and progressive area. The majority of parents in my area do not believe in traditional gender roles and raise their children accordingly. For example, it is common to go to the playground and see boys wearing skirts or glitter shoes or girls with traditional boy haircuts. This morning my son went rummaging through my closet and came downstairs wearing a bracelet and carrying a red leather purse. He announced he was going to wear them to the playground. My husband quickly replied, "No, purses are for girls" and then I gave him the look of death (not sure why?). I guess I struggle with this kind of thing bc my area encourages blurry lines but I know this bubble world is not reality. I know when my son enters school, most kids are not going to be so open minded. I do not want to raise a close minded child but I also know how harsh kids can be. What do you guys think?

Dreamsicle23 · July 2011

Call me closed minded but I think gender roles exist for a reason. If DS wants to play with a doll...fine, but carrying a purse and glitter shoes crosses the line for me.

mistresscox · July 2011

I am all for letting children, especially toddlers, express themselves with clothing as much as they want (as long as it is weather/situation appropriate). However I have a hard time keeping my eyes from rolling out of my head when dealing with parents that are trying so hard to make their kids "gender neutral." I think it is absolutely obnoxious to go out of your way to blur the gender lines, and makes you no different than the people who are "forcing" their children into typical gender roles. I say if a child wants to play with a doll or a truck, who cares, if they want to carry a purse or not who cares, however going out of your way to make things confusing is just silly.

Mjmksb04 · July 2011

My H is sort of like your H, where I am of the mind that at 2.5, if my DS wants to play with things that are traditionally girly, who really cares? But I know my H would want to tell him that those things are for girls and he shouldn't do it. I think at the toddler age, showing interest in mommy's things is not going to doom him for a lifetime of being interested in female things. Its just good fun and nothing more.

KathrynMD · July 2011

I think the bigger deal you make about your kid adhering to "traditional" gender roles, the bigger deal they'll make about it. If you 2.5 yo boy wants to carry around your purse one day, I'd just say "OK great, let's go" just no big deal. They are just experimenting and exploring the world, it doesn't mean anything unless you make it mean something. DD knows the difference between girls and boys and what girls/mommies do vs. what boys/daddies do, but sometimes she's not quit sure which group she's in yet and constantly wants me to reassure her that she's a girl, mommy's a girl, etc. I'm sure by the time your kid is 4 or 5 he'll have figured out that carrying purses is just for mommies and he doesn't want to be a mommy, so he wont' carry them.

BoSoxbride · July 2011

Dreamsicle23:
Call me closed minded but I think gender roles exist for a reason. If DS wants to play with a doll...fine, but carrying a purse and glitter shoes crosses the line for me.

This.

I read this article recently:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1389593/Kathy-Witterick-David-Stocker-raising-genderless-baby.html

They're setting these children up for a life of ridicule and heartache. By trying to "free" them of stereotypes, they're imprisoning them by imposing their ridiculous ideals (or lack thereof) onto them.They're essentially turning their own children into side-show freaks. Disgusting. Oh, and I love the part about how she "unschools" them, and they all sleep on two mattresses pushed together on the floor. Sorry for the rant, but as a parent I find this whole thing beyond disturbing. These are not parents advocating for gay or androgynous children, these are "parents" that are turning their own children into science experiments to make a f#@*ing point.

KathrynMD · July 2011

BoSoxbride:

Dreamsicle23:
Call me closed minded but I think gender roles exist for a reason. If DS wants to play with a doll...fine, but carrying a purse and glitter shoes crosses the line for me.

This.

I read this article recently:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1389593/Kathy-Witterick-David-Stocker-raising-genderless-baby.html

They're setting these children up for a life of ridicule and heartache. By trying to "free" them of stereotypes, they're imprisoning them by imposing their ridiculous ideals (or lack thereof) onto them.They're essentially turning their own children into side-show freaks. Disgusting. Oh, and I love the part about how she "unschools" them, and they all sleep on two mattresses pushed together on the floor. Sorry for the rant, but as a parent I find this whole thing beyond disturbing. These are not parents advocating for gay or androgynous children, these are "parents" that are turning their own children into science experiments to make a f#@*ing point.

i think there's a big difference between those AW weirdos and letting your 2 yo boy carry a purse one day b/c he wants to imitate mommy.

BoSoxbride · July 2011

KathrynMD:
BoSoxbride:

Dreamsicle23:
Call me closed minded but I think gender roles exist for a reason. If DS wants to play with a doll...fine, but carrying a purse and glitter shoes crosses the line for me.

This.

I read this article recently:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1389593/Kathy-Witterick-David-Stocker-raising-genderless-baby.html

They're setting these children up for a life of ridicule and heartache. By trying to "free" them of stereotypes, they're imprisoning them by imposing their ridiculous ideals (or lack thereof) onto them.They're essentially turning their own children into side-show freaks. Disgusting. Oh, and I love the part about how she "unschools" them, and they all sleep on two mattresses pushed together on the floor. Sorry for the rant, but as a parent I find this whole thing beyond disturbing. These are not parents advocating for gay or androgynous children, these are "parents" that are turning their own children into science experiments to make a f#@*ing point.

i think there's a big difference between those AW weirdos and letting your 2 yo boy carry a purse one day b/c he wants to imitate mommy.

I agree. That's not what I was suggesting. I was agreeing with the other person that said the glitter shoes and skirts on boys was pushing it. My sons put on my shoes at home and play with girl toys when they go to their friends' homes. I don't think there's anything wrong with what the original poster's son wanted to do. Nor do I think there's anything "wrong" with anything any children ask to do. What I think is wrong is when parents use the trendy idea of not pushing traditional gender roles onto their children to make their children own statements about society.

Shayna0182 · July 2011

Dreamsicle23:
Call me closed minded but I think gender roles exist for a reason. If DS wants to play with a doll...fine, but carrying a purse and glitter shoes crosses the line for me.

This!

FeedTheCrocs · July 2011

BoSoxbride:
I agree. That's not what I was suggesting. I was agreeing with the other person that said the glitter shoes and skirts on boys was pushing it.

But if a boy wants to wear glitter shoes and skirts what is wrong with that? It's not like he'll catch thegay from glitter touching his skin.

To the OP - I say if your son wants to carry a purse let him.

kyfirewife · July 2011

I think it's something you & YH need to have a talk about, and come up with a decision that works for your family.

We've run into some criticism re: DD because she plays with trucks & cars, prefers Diego to Dora, and wants to be a firefighter like her daddy.

Not much, because our society is more "okay" with blurring gender roles for girls than boys, but we've definitely gotten the comments.

Mental note - I need to have a talk with the new assistant teacher in her preschool class. The past two school days she's come home with someone else's Disney Princess training pants on. Couldn't figure out why, since I knew she had a more-than-enough stack of Diego training pants, that I had taken to school.

Until DD said "don't think Diego mine". I guess the new teacher must think there's a mistake and some boy's training pants got put in DD's spot, so she's been putting on the Disney Princess ones next to DD's. Ugh.

Anyway, my point is that it's more important that you & YH are on the same page and supportive of your child's actions. If it's a priority to set boundaries with regards to gender roles, then you do. If not, you don't.

No matter what decision you make as parents, and no matter what the topic (meaning not only re: gender roles), there will be times that popular opinion is going to impact your son, and it will be much less confusing for him if he has a unified message coming from his parents.

It may be that YH is okay with some gender blurring, but that the purse-carrying crosses a line for him. You need to figure out where that line is for you three as a family.

GL!

anna7602 · July 2011

KathrynMD:
I think the bigger deal you make about your kid adhering to "traditional" gender roles, the bigger deal they'll make about it. If you 2.5 yo boy wants to carry around your purse one day, I'd just say "OK great, let's go" just no big deal. They are just experimenting and exploring the world, it doesn't mean anything unless you make it mean something. DD knows the difference between girls and boys and what girls/mommies do vs. what boys/daddies do, but sometimes she's not quit sure which group she's in yet and constantly wants me to reassure her that she's a girl, mommy's a girl, etc. I'm sure by the time your kid is 4 or 5 he'll have figured out that carrying purses is just for mommies and he doesn't want to be a mommy, so he wont' carry them.

I agree with this. I know that there are a few parents out there who make a point out of carrying out their political agenda with their kid and I do give the side-eye to that, but for the most part, I think way too much attention is paid to what is "for girls" and what should be "for boys." There's nothing inherently feminine about glitter, for example. It's sparkly and fun and I can see how most kids, boys or girls, would want in on glitter action.

There's nothing inherently feminine about purses, for that matter, either. DH carries a messenger bag all the time, both to work, and on weekends. Yes, perhaps it's not sparkly and glittery, but you know what? Neither are my purses or most of the purses of adult women I know. Bright pink, glittery things seem to be the domain of children. No woman I know wears Disney Princess dresses to work or to the grocery store. So if we gals know it's not okay to do that, who's to say a boy won't wake up one day and say "oh, I don't feel right wearing a Disney Princess dress to school today."

It drives me kind of batty when I hear someone tell their kid "that's not for girls" or "that's not for boys." Seriously, why? The only thing I feel the need to draw the line about is peeing standing up. That's not a gender role, it's an actual sexual difference. DD cannot pee stand up, as much as she really wants to, because things just don't work that way.

ryry1977 · July 2011

I don't think that is that bad. I would of let DS go to the playground with those items. In my area we don't see this though, but I have no problem with it. Not sure what you should do though. I think it (mainly) is a phase that they will outgrown. So I don't worry about it.

Mrs. Rohde · July 2011

I think I would also have given my DH the death look. I mean, when they're little, what does it matter? At some point they'll figure it out. I would hate it if someone said DD couldn't wear camo pants and play with trucks.They're just things to play with.

Someone once asked me if DD was a boy when she was wearing jeans, sneakers and a tshirt. Do girls have to wear dresses???

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