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Working Moms
hsal
member
LO HATES DH! :(
hsal
member
in Working Moms
LO is just over 6 weeks old and I took on a nanny job rather than returning to my job as a restaurant manager. It's better hours, only 3 days a week, and Im able to pump while I'm there but the three days I was there this week DH called 5+ times each day so I could hear her screaming. Well actually, he called to ask for help on how to calm her down but I felt so guilty that I was at work and couldnt help that I ended up crying in the kitchen for 10 minutes until I could convince myself that I NEED to be working so we can pay the bills.
She wont take a bottle from him until she's STARVING. I worked a 9 hour shift and she only ate 3 oz that whole time but drained both breasts when I got home. She wont nap either.
Does anyone else feel super guilty? Does your LO act like this when you leave? DH says hes tried everrything.... wrapping one of my shirts around her bottle, holds her the way i do when she nurses and still nothing. I dont know what to do and this fight between making LO happy and making sure she has a roof over her head SUCKS!
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Re: LO HATES DH! :(
Sometimes the adjustment period is just tough! DD wouldn't take a bottle at daycare and was pretty fussy for a week or so, and it took DS a little longer to settle in. Don't worry, they'll get used to each other and figure it out.
He might actually try not holding her like you do when you nurse. My kids wanted the real deal in that position. Facing away from him or even sitting in a bouncy or lying on a boppy might be better.
This is what I've always been told too. Also wearing your shirt over his shoulder may help.
Ditto - deep breathes and he needs to realize there's nothing you can do remotely, he and the baby need to figure this one out together. Maybe a binky will help or different positions, try taking a walk, maybe Daddy needs some ear plugs too.
Seriously. He needs to find his own groove with her, and calling to stress you out at work is not going to help.
The transition is hard, but you will all get through it (and be better for it!)
This completely.
I went back to to work at 9 weeks. I called to check in a few times/day, and DH couldn't actually call me. But he would complain that DD cried all the time and he didn't know what to do. I went over things with him multiple times to tell him how to make DD happy (basically at that stage, freaking out for my DD meant hungry and nothing else). We utilized the paci, because DD needed it.
I had a time where I broke down, worried my husband was not going to figure out how to step up. I called his aunt, and asked her to 'drop in' randomly - which actually threw-off DH. He finally realized he had to step up.
My DH says that once DD "got a personality" he had a much easier time hanging out with her all day. Some people don't know how to deal with NBs, but your DH has to suck it up.
Maybe he can take DD out for a walk in a carrier or stroller. Maybe the change of pace will help him and DD relax.
ETA: When I first left LO with my brother, he called me and I could hear LO screaming in the background. I recommended he take him outside for a walk. I came home from my job interview to find them still outside - my brother just had to walk back and forth outside to keep LO calm. Poor guys.
I don't neccesarily think it was wrong for him to call you to find out the best way to calm her down but I am sure it doesn't help you and stresses you out while you are work knowing he is having a tough time. They will get into a groove and figure it out. I didn't always have the magic touch with DD either and DH did. LO doesn't hate DH she's just used to mom. You should have your H take the LO sometimes even when you are home so that it's not always you and then you are gone and it's him. It will get better.