Am I supposed to decline?

jinx75 · July 2011

Long story short when I was pg with DD in 2007 my mother lived in California and was unable to share in my pregnancy, the shower (which was a dismal failure thank you big sister who sucks) and the birth. She lives here now and wants to throw me a small, intimate get together to celebrate this new arrival. Being that etiquette dictates that 2nd showers are tacky, am I supposed to tell her no she cannot throw me a shower?

rhubarb123 · July 2011

If she wants to throw a small intimate shower for you then go for it. A lot of the 2nd/3rd/etc shower tackiness meter has to do with your friends and family. If you think 90% of them would give you the side-eye and talk behind your back then keep it very small and only invite those people who have absolutely no issue with it. In my cirlce of friends/family we don't "do" baby showers for additional children. You know your family/friends best. Hope it works out well for you.

NewFamily09 · July 2011

I don't really like 2nd showers, but if it would make your mom happy, maybe it's okay. Just don't go overboard. Make it for close family and your very best friends. No coworkers, neighbors, acquaintences, etc. And don't do a registry.

Could she maybe host a "meet the baby" party instead? That would probably go over a lot better.

weddingbells2010 · July 2011

Everytime I hear someone say that being offered a second + shower trumps the rules of etiquitte I get irritated. Just because one is OFFERED is not a green light to go ahead with something that she already knows comes off as tacky. A lot of times on this board we say, "don't worry, the HOST will look tacky for XYZ, not the guest of honor", but when it comes to repeat showers I think it's the othe way around. Unless it was a surprise and she had no idea it was coming, the guest of honor accepted- she knew she was getting a party in her honor, specifically about gifts, after LO#1.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with a 'sprinkle' or small celebration that is not hosted by you, called a shower, or where gifts are explicitly mentioned (meaning, don't register). Let your mom host a small luncheon or tea with a few close relatives and friends and surely, even without a registry, many of them will want to bring you a little something anyway.

RoxyLynn · July 2011

There's a happy compromise here - a no-gifts tea or luncheon. She gets to host a party and share in the happiness, you get to spend time with your friends, no etiquette rules are violated. And you can also get her (if you wish) a nice hostess gift.

JessieJH · July 2011

Really like this! As the previous poster said, just because someone offers, doesn't make it the well mannered thing to do (though still a good question). Congratulations on your 2nd!

Liz4444 · July 2011

weddingbells2010:

Everytime I hear someone say that being offered a second + shower trumps the rules of etiquitte I get irritated. Just because one is OFFERED is not a green light to go ahead with something that she already knows comes off as tacky. A lot of times on this board we say, "don't worry, the HOST will look tacky for XYZ, not the guest of honor", but when it comes to repeat showers I think it's the othe way around. Unless it was a surprise and she had no idea it was coming, the guest of honor accepted- she knew she was getting a party in her honor, specifically about gifts, after LO#1.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with a 'sprinkle' or small celebration that is not hosted by you, called a shower, or where gifts are explicitly mentioned (meaning, don't register). Let your mom host a small luncheon or tea with a few close relatives and friends and surely, even without a registry, many of them will want to bring you a little something anyway.

Yes

CourtneyR2N · July 2011

I think it depends on your area a lot. Essential showers for 2nd babies are ok. Everyone brings diapers, wipes, lotion, etc. It is very casual and lots of fun and helps you stock up on some of those items.

Happily Overwhelmed · July 2011

I'm pretty anti second+ pregnancy showers. However, if they are done with the right group of people I think it's okay to accept. You said intimate so it's probably fine. Think of it this way...will the group invited be the people to give you a gift anyway for the new arrival? Are they people in your very close circle of friends that will be a big part of baby's life?

Ms.Jade · July 2011

weddingbells2010:
Everytime I hear someone say that being offered a second + shower trumps the rules of etiquitte I get irritated. Just because one is OFFERED is not a green light to go ahead with something that she already knows comes off as tacky. A lot of times on this board we say, "don't worry, the HOST will look tacky for XYZ, not the guest of honor", but when it comes to repeat showers I think it's the othe way around. Unless it was a surprise and she had no idea it was coming, the guest of honor accepted- she knew she was getting a party in her honor, specifically about gifts, after LO#1.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with a 'sprinkle' or small celebration that is not hosted by you, called a shower, or where gifts are explicitly mentioned (meaning, don't register). Let your mom host a small luncheon or tea with a few close relatives and friends and surely, even without a registry, many of them will want to bring you a little something anyway.

THIS. Thank you. Someone else's bad taste does not excuse your own.

greengirl0909 · July 2011

There is a difference between a celebration of a new arrival and a "shower" where you ask people to bring you gifts. If mom wants to throw a meet the baby party and some people happen to bring gifts, go ahead, but IMO a second shower under these conditions wouldn't be something I'd attend.

Am I supposed to decline?

Re: Am I supposed to decline?

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