Intro and attachment to dad question

Re: Intro and attachment to dad question

• waitingfornoah

  July 2011

  I almost think this is the age when separation anxiety will flare up but I think it's important that she develops more of a sense of attachment to daddy.  Maybe they could spend one on one time together to get that going?  I wouldn't worry so much about other people right now as much as your DH. 
  
  I'm working on my behavior therapy certification right now so my professional opinion (she said so humbly!) is that when she reaches out for you and fusses when she's in dad's arms, to just talk to her calmly and tell her reassuring words (you're safe with daddy, daddy loves you, etc.) without taking her.  Let her know that you know it's safe that she's with him and because you are calm about it, she's more likely to be to.  I think this will help her develop a sense of security with her dad which will help with the attachment.  Most of the time separation anxiety in children is maintained by parental reinforcement because when they fuss, mama comes to the rescue, reinforcing the idea in LO's mind that she isn't safe with the person she's with at the time and eventually she learns that fussing gets her mom's attention when there's no real necessary need for it at the time.
  
  Good luck!
  

  

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• cstyles

  July 2011

  Your LO's behavior is completely normal.  If your Dh is in another room let him handle it, if your standing right by him and LO is reaching for you, I think it's OK to take her.

  I use behavior modification in my therapy with elementary children, but I think what you're describing is normal infant behavior.  My LO is fine being comforted by someone else if I"m not around, however if I'm within eye sight than he wants me.  If you watch when your in groups of children, at every age children will prefer one parent over another for comort.  At some point your LO will start to prefer dad over you for a while.  Allow dad to figure it out, but if he asks for help or it seems your LO is esclating I think at 6 months it is OK to intervene.

  Enjoy being such an important figure in your child's life, one day they'll ask you to drop them off at the corner so their friends don't see you

  Also I disagree that "most of the time" seperation anxiety is promoted by parents.  Behavior modification is mainly used with preschool age children and older, these methods aren't intrepretted the same way by an infant as they are an odler child.  Seperation anxiety is a normal and healthy stage for children to go through.  Like all phases in childhood, each child is different and how you support each child through these phases will be different.  For example, my LO is an esclator and doesn't do well when he is ignored.  Distraction is a much better method for him.

  OP - another idea is to have your Dh try to distract your LO with a toy, a look out the window, a fun game, etc. 

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• waitingfornoah

  July 2011

  Yes, it is normal behavior, but reinforcing it by taking the baby whenever they want you will prolong it.  I'm definitely not saying ignore LO when they cry or fuss for you, but teach them early by reassuring them that they're in safe hands.
  

  

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• BlindysWife member

  July 2011

  cstyles:

  Your LO's behavior is completely normal.  If your Dh is in another room let him handle it, if your standing right by him and LO is reaching for you, I think it's OK to take her.

  I use behavior modification in my therapy with elementary children, but I think what you're describing is normal infant behavior.  My LO is fine being comforted by someone else if I"m not around, however if I'm within eye sight than he wants me.  If you watch when your in groups of children, at every age children will prefer one parent over another for comort.  At some point your LO will start to prefer dad over you for a while.  Allow dad to figure it out, but if he asks for help or it seems your LO is esclating I think at 6 months it is OK to intervene.

  Enjoy being such an important figure in your child's life, one day they'll ask you to drop them off at the corner so their friends don't see you

  Also I disagree that "most of the time" seperation anxiety is promoted by parents.  Behavior modification is mainly used with preschool age children and older, these methods aren't intrepretted the same way by an infant as they are an odler child.  Seperation anxiety is a normal and healthy stage for children to go through.  Like all phases in childhood, each child is different and how you support each child through these phases will be different.  For example, my LO is an esclator and doesn't do well when he is ignored.  Distraction is a much better method for him.

  OP - another idea is to have your Dh try to distract your LO with a toy, a look out the window, a fun game, etc. 

  ITA

  
  
  I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.
  
  

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• BlindysWife member

  July 2011

  cstyles:

  Your LO's behavior is completely normal.  If your Dh is in another room let him handle it, if your standing right by him and LO is reaching for you, I think it's OK to take her.

  I use behavior modification in my therapy with elementary children, but I think what you're describing is normal infant behavior.  My LO is fine being comforted by someone else if I"m not around, however if I'm within eye sight than he wants me.  If you watch when your in groups of children, at every age children will prefer one parent over another for comort.  At some point your LO will start to prefer dad over you for a while.  Allow dad to figure it out, but if he asks for help or it seems your LO is esclating I think at 6 months it is OK to intervene.

  Enjoy being such an important figure in your child's life, one day they'll ask you to drop them off at the corner so their friends don't see you

  Also I disagree that "most of the time" seperation anxiety is promoted by parents.  Behavior modification is mainly used with preschool age children and older, these methods aren't intrepretted the same way by an infant as they are an odler child.  Seperation anxiety is a normal and healthy stage for children to go through.  Like all phases in childhood, each child is different and how you support each child through these phases will be different.  For example, my LO is an esclator and doesn't do well when he is ignored.  Distraction is a much better method for him.

  OP - another idea is to have your Dh try to distract your LO with a toy, a look out the window, a fun game, etc. 

  ITA

  
  
  I just want to give you a world as beautiful as you are to me.
  
  

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• RedZee member

  July 2011

   

  Thanks for all the responses! I tried to be extra observant today and to make sure that I wasn't swooping in whenever DH was trying to be with her. We went to the ped today and he picked her up after her shot and she calmed down with him, but then saw me and reached for me. But it made me realize that he CAN calm her down, she's just most connected to me right now, which is ok. But before I take her, I do try and say something about how great it is that she's with daddy.

  And yeah, I know I have to enjoy this time when she actually wants to hang out with me and isn't totally embarrased to be around me. That's why I needed to check in with other people. I don't want to enjoy it so much that I prevent her from making normal connections with other people.

       
  

  
  
  

  DD1: born 1/19/11. DD2: born 10/10/13
  

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