- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Stay at Home Moms
DH is losing his job
I'm kind of new here, a lurker mostly. But I don't know where else to go for support so I thought of ya'll. Anyway, DH is a high level executive and is going to be losing his job in the next few months. It's a heartbreaking situation but we have a lot of savings and I am confident that he'll be able to find something else, we just obviously don't know how long that's going to take or if he'll be able to replace his current income at all. We've been living a comfortable lifestyle for years now and I know our spending needs to get under control.
With a toddler and a new baby on the way, I don't really think me going back to work now is the best option. I have a good resume but have been out of the workforce for a couple of years. I guess I just wondered if any of you have gone through a spouse's job loss, and being SAHM how did you cope? It's more than just the financial part of it, I find this to be emotionally draining and stressful in a way that I never could have imagined. Im trying so hard to be supportive of DH but I don't always know what he wants to hear and sometimes I say the wrong things.
Being pregnant is leaving me feeling helpless in that I don't feel like I can go get a good-paying job right now. Also, if anyone has ideas for curbing spending, please help because I'm so overwhelmed when I see our monthly bills.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH is losing his job
I'm sorry to hear about this. I can imagine it would be very stressful, though we've not yet experienced it, ourselves.
As far as curbing spending - Try posting your budget on the Money Matters board on The Nest. The posters there are very friendly and can give great advice as to where you can possibly make cuts.
I am curious about the money matters board but a little embarrassed to post what I spend, lol. I am afraid I'll get ripped apart.
I'm so sorry. Best of luck with everything.
I do have one recomendation though...there's a new Ben Affleck movie called "The Company Men". You guys should sit down and watch it together. DH and I just watched it and we both really liked the message that "stuff is just stuff, but your marriage and family are the really important things", ya know? I lost my job unexpectedly a few months ago, and it's been an interesting ride for us both, adjusting to this new reality.
I haven't been in your situation, but I agree with Money Matters. Post your budget- you may get some harsh criticism from some people but a few of the posters are just very very conservative financially.
Right now I would stop any unnecessary spending until you figure things out- but I know that is so much easier said than done when your lifestyle is about to change. Will he get a severance? Hopefully between that, unemployment and savings you will be okay.
I am sorry you have to experience this.
Especially with a toddler and one on the way.
BUT I think it's great that you have a lots in savings and for that, I think you will be okay until your DH gets another job.
And there's lots of ways to cut spending, I would post over on Money Matters too.
Good luck!
I will say Money Matters is nice and helpful if you are willing to seriously consider their suggestions. If you post an unworkable budget and then come up with umpteen reasons why you can't change any of it, they'll rip you a new one.
My DH lost his job back in July of 2009. Lost our house and two cars, etc. We lived in MN and didn't have much savings...at all really. DH hit the ground running with a job search. Thankfully, he had A LOT of connections in the insurance world and had about three head hunters working for him. His previous company gave him a nice package that helped out quite a bit. But it was a very stressful time. We have two boys and the oldest was starting school soon.
Thankfully, it only took six months for him to find a job, hence why we live in Madison, WI now. The company is wonderful and the people are even better! It was meant to be what happened before. They are already grooming him to take over the VP spot (long story). We've lived here now going on two years come December. Kids go to private school and we are happy.
DH losing his job in MN was a blessing, is the way we see it. : )
Keep the faith and believe just keep encouraging your DH to look for jobs. It wont take long. I gave myself that role as his cheerleader. I had to cause we couldn't both be down about it. I cut back on a lot of our spending and it was ok. You have to be the strong one, w/o letting them know.
True!!
If you post your budget and they offer suggestions for cuts that you aren't comfortable with, just take in all the advice that you want and don't say, "Oh, I can't get rid of cable TV 'cause we LOVE cable T.V.," etc.
I had been working full time since I was 16yrs old. When I was 28 and after the birth of our 3rd we decided that we could afford for me to be a sahm... well, 8months after we made that decision, dh was unexpectedly laid off. He was out of a job for over 8months.
My advice is more along the lines of relationship wise... be understanding if dh gets frustrated with being out of a job. My dh went a little stir crazy being at home and not working anymore. Don't get frustrated back at him, that might only make him feel worse.
Let dh have some time alone with the kids, almost like a sahd. My dh was on the computer all day, job searching, studying, etc... I would ask him to take the kids to the park. Even thought it's not the best circumstances to be at home, he might as well take advantage of it and spend time with the family.
It's not terrible advice. A HELOC DOES NOT have to be used... it's there in case it's needed. We have a HELOC and have never drawn from it, not once.
I mentioned a LINE OF CREDIT - totally different from a LOAN. We have a line of credit (HELOC) and have never once borrowed against it. You don't HAVE TO borrow from the HELOC and typically there are no annual fees, no application fees, etc. It's free and there in case you absolutely have to have it....
OP, I am so sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation. I wish you and your DH the best of luck. You will get through this!
Thanks again for all the responses. I'm feeling a lot better today. Went through some monthly expenses in detail and discovered some places I can easily cut back right away. Just doing that made me feel empowered and gave me a little sense of control over what's going on. DH seems to be doing ok because they're working out a pretty generous severance. The whole thing is so sad! But I'm just trying to stay in a positive mindset. I hope he can find something that he truly loves.
All this is making me view being a SAHM in a new light, what our role is as the support for DH's is very complex. Marriages and families are so complicated, but I feel like there's an added dimension with men who are successful, type A personalities and a job loss.
Why is it terrible advice? Are you a CFP? You only draw from a HELOC if you need the cash. Many people have a HELOC for 10, 20 years and NEVER draw against it.
I know plenty of people who THOUGHT they had adequate cash reserves, then it took more than a year to find a job that paid what they were accustomed to making... EVERYONE should have a HELOC *if* they have the equity in their home to be approved for one...... Many people don't have the equity.
Thanks! Most CFP's recommend that EVERYONE have a HELOC, even if they have 12 months or more cash reserves in savings. I think that the women who are advising against a HELOC have no idea what a HELOC actually is. Of course, the issue w/ being approved for a HELOC is that (typically) you have to have at least 20% equity in your home, and many people don't have that these days.....
I'm not a CFP, but I've worked in finance for years and started working toward my CFP certification before becoming a SAHM. I don't really see how that is relevant...
I fully understand what a HELOC is vs. a home equity loan. For starters, it's terrible advice because, for many people, it becomes so easy to borrow from when in a tough situation when the better option would be to scale back their lifestyle or take a tough look at their budget instead. Whether a HELOC is appropriate for someone who is losing their job requires more than a 30 second view of their finances on the internet. Telling someone that they must "apply NOW" is simply unwise.
Secondly, I would never recommend that someone who is unemployed and, therefore, may potentially default on repayment of the HELOC if they draw from it, borrow from equity they have in their home. If default occurs, they could lose their house. In this economy, where it could take years, yes, years, to find a job, this becomes extremely possible. It would be much wiser in many cases, as an absolute last ditch, all-out emergency situation, to borrow from a credit card instead. Yes, the rate is oftentimes much higher. However, they can't take your home if you find yourself in a Catch-22 situation where you are unable to repay the debt and unable to find a job.
I highly disagree that everyone who has equity in their home SHOULD have a HELOC.
Your first point - not necessarily true, especially given the nature of today's economy.
Your second point - we're not idiots. Please don't make assumptions about our level of education on the subject