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2nd Trimester
mteston
member
Thanks.. I think.
mteston
member
I don't want to sound like a brat at all but I have a feeling that this post will make me look like one.
This is our 2nd child. I was not planning on having a baby shower, mainly because I'm on the complete opposite side of the country from the rest of my family and I don't feel right asking them to send me things. My next door neighbor offered to throw me one so I accepted.
Moving on- my MIL offered to buy us a new crib and and swing because everything we had for DS #1 we got rid of because for 1, we moved 2000 miles across the US and the crib we had was super old. I gave the swing to someone who needed it more. Here is where I'm a little upset. MIL and I picked out the crib and the swing together a few months ago.. she just ordered them this past weekend. Since she is so far away she just had it shipped to the store where we are so that we can go pick it up.. She sends me a text asking what the name of the swing was that I wanted and when I told her she says, "I just ordered it. Does "Luv U Zoo" sound familiar?" ..Um yea, it sounds familiar but that's not the one I wanted. It's a little space saving swing which is not what I wanted but it's fine. I'll take what she gives me.
Today I get an email from her with the confirmation number for the crib and I see the color of the crib and that's not right either... She ordered Walnut, which was never even an option when we discussed the color of the crib. The options were cherry and espresso. We were going to get the Cherry. How do you get Walnut out of that?
I was almost in tears when I was telling DH about it and it makes him mad too because we didn't ask her for any of it. She offered. Don't ask me what I want if you're just going to get what you want anyway. We could have already gotten the things we wanted but we didn't because she said she would get it. So now I have a swing that I don't care for and a crib that's the wrong color. I know I can send the crib back to get the color I want but that's not the point.
I know I have a lot of vents on here but people just really piss me off and it doesn't help that I'm so far away from home with no one to really talk to.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Thanks.. I think.
Irish girl--loves her family. / Heart of gold, fo' sho! / Hates seeds with passion.
You were right. You sound so entitled and nasty. Your MIL went out and spent money she didn't have to on you and the baby, and this is the thanks she gets?
I am thankful, but why bother asking for my opinion if you just get what you wanted in the first place? My MIL and I have never been that close.. idk if it's because I married her youngest son or what but she has never really included me in any aspect of their family life. So whether this was just an honest mistake or if she was just doing what she wanted, I can't say. But the only thing that bothers me AND DH is the fact that we discussed it, she asked what exactly we wanted, wrote it down, and then ordered the total wrong things.. The crib she ordered isn't really even the one that I wanted but I felt like since she like it more than the one I liked and she was paying for it, I'd go with her opinion, but dang, atleast give me the color I want..
Like I said, I didn't ask anyone for anything. DH and I could have bought those things but she offered.. Also, I told her thank you.
Ever thought that maybe she made an honest mistake?
Like others have said, call the store and exchange it out. It's really not that big of a thing.
I have a MIL just like this. I would jsut call the store and either wait until it comes in and exchange for the CRIB and COLOR you want. As you said you live 2000 miles away, she's not going to see it that often and if she does just say you thought the store made a mistake as you and her had discussed it. My MIL likes to do power plays and does what she thinks is best no matter what. I try to just shrug it off, keep receipts for big things then return and keep the small things like clothes and send her pics of the kids in them. It's your family and your house but I would still be thankful she is spending $ on you...if DH has an issue with it, then have him talk to his mom but it might turn into a bigger thing than JUST taking care of things on your end.
This is rude-- she is venting, and this is unhelpful.
I agree with pp who said to call the store based on the confirmation number and try and make the color change and the swing change. The swing will be easier, so if it comes and it's the wrong one, just take it back in (I realize that is not the most fun). Hopefully you can change the crib color before it comes. My guess is she's done more PITA things than just this, and that's what you seem more frustrated than some of us can understand.
I can't believe anyone would get so upset about someone making an honest mistake in purchasing something as a gift. My guess is that you are truly more upset about something else with your MIL and this just pushed you over the edge.
You say you didn't ask for anything but I doubt your MIL had to drag you to the store to pick it all out. Like other people said, be grateful and return or exchange what you can.
Great! Now, take care of it like everyone is suggesting and be thankful someone offered to buy you a crib and swng. It's a pretty nice gesture from your MIL, even i she did get the color and style wrong, at least she tried.
Also, weren't you just on SAHM looking for a way to make extra cash? I'm so confused that you're going on and on about how you could have done this all yourself. It sounds like MIL knows that you guys needed some help and actually offered to do something nice. Stop reading into the whole "she could have done it on purpose" and thank her.
We see it as an honest mistake, but we don't know her MIL's character. Maybe she did do it to be annoying lol.
Either way, she just wanted to vent it out, she knows she can exchange it and she knows to be thankful.
Yes, I was just on the SAHM board. Not because we NEED the extra income, but because I want to be able to do things without having to answer to DH for it. We aren't struggling to pay our bills or anything, so no.. we didn't NEED her to buy this stuff. I said it before and I'll say it again. I'm thankful for everything but if you're just going to do what you want anyway, why are you asking me what I want?
Um, it's possible she just forgot what you'd chosen. My mother forgets EVERYTHING. Hell, a week after I announced my wedding date, she'd totally forgotten when the big day was.
It sucks that if she DID forget, she didn't ask you to remind her what you wanted, but really, is the color of the wood THAT big of a deal?
She may have tried ordering what you wanted but found out there was a problem with what you wanted and did not want to disappoint you. Call the store and return them both. Its is that easy. Get what you want. If they don't have what you want get it in cash or store credit. Would not worry about hard feelings.
This! You sound very appreciative, I totally get where you are coming from. I would ignore the mean comments you're getting. People can be very cruel....
BFP 2/25/09
HCG 3/6=518 3/8=1230
1st Ultrasound 3/18 FHR=103
2nd U/S 3/20 FHR=118!!
3rd U/S 4/1 FHR=169
BIG U/S 5/22=IT'S A BOY! FHR-148
DS Born October 30, 2009
BFP 5/27/11 Stick baby, stick!
HCG 5/31=140 P=9 HCG 6/2=292 P=11
1ST Ultrasound 6/15 FHR=109!!
U/S 8/18=IT'S A BOY! FHR-141
i understand your frustrations. But maybe your MIL is a few tacos short of a combination plate and just honestly didnt remember what exactly you wanted and thought she was correct?
definitely call with the confirmation number and see if you can change the color and as far as the swing - just take it back and get the one you want - you maybe you might end up liking the one she chose?
good luck! remember - dont be mad at MIL. she was trying to be nice. these things can be fixed
I think it's quite possible she made a mistake... I would just try to call the store and fix it, and then drop it, after you've sent her a thank you card. You didn't ask her to spend money on the crib, but she offered. It's a very nice gesture and you accepted.
Great, now I want tacos. Thanks.
OP, I'm with you on this. My MIL is the same way, very generous but almost always changes the order to what she thinks I should have. This is actually part of the reason that we made it convenient for her by ordering our crib from our local store and meeting her when she was in town to "see what travel system options they have". She and my father-in-law were great about it and insisted that they buy those two big items for us. I'm extremely grateful, but honestly, my MIL would have probably given me something even more expensive than I wanted because that's what she wanted me to want. I ordered the exact crib that DH and I had planned on buying with our own money because if it's good enough for us when we were spending our own money, than why change our minds when it's not our money? It was to her bank account's own good that I nudged her in the right direction.
Oh my word, people. Get off your high horses. So many people on here do not practice what they preach and I would guarantee if you had talked, probably at length, with your mil about what you wanted you would be upset that she got something different.
To the op, I get it. My mil does this all the time. Christmas time she asks what to get ds, I tell her, and she gets something that couldn't be more different. You can be grateful, and yet frustrated that she didn't listen when she took the time to ask. If you don't want my suggestions and want to do your own thing, don't ask my opinion.
This!
I'm sorry.. But, obviously you knew you were being kind of a brat by your opening statement. You're lucky you have someone buying you two big purchases. Who cares if the color Isn't exactly what you wanted. Is that really the end of the world? Even if you couldn't return it. My goodness.
I don't think the OP is being a brat at all. There is a big difference between feeling one way and how you act upon those feelings. She is venting to an on-line forum and to her husband. She didn't call her MIL and throw a tantrum because she did not get what she wanted.
I can understand her frustration. I am not sure about anyone else but since becoming pregnant everything is a much bigger deal and everything I need to do seems like a monumental task. The sickness, fatigue and hormones sometimes reduce me to tears when I see a load of dishes that needs to be washed or if I need to go grocery shopping. Having to deal with the MIL, returning the crib and all the feelings from the situation would definitely frustrate me more then it normally would.
I think if you had made a stink about it to the MIL, then you would have been acting bratty. But you're here, venting, and that's what TB message boards are for! I mean, just because people offer to help you out, doesn't mean they get control over what the nursery looks like and whatnot. I can see what you're upset, but I do agree with the with general consensus.... I highly doubt this was anything more than a mistake. I mean you did say she ordered it 2 months after you talked about it. Perhaps she lost the paper you wrote it down on? I would just see about exchaning the crib for the right color and re-sell the swing if you can't return it.
I had almost the same situation with my first pregnancy 5 years ago. Only it was my OWN MOTHER who did this. She wanted to buy us a crib. I wasn't particular except that we wanted it to be white so it would match his room (of course she ordered walnut too).... I exchanged it because our house is cherry with white crown molding and white book shelves in our son's room and it would have looked strange.
My parents also bought us a rocking chair that they ordered on-line to surprise us. (We never asked for one, but the gesture was really sweet). I was actually super excited about it when we opened up the box -- because I love rocking chairs and thought it would be great for nursing and rocking the baby to sleep -- but honestly it was the most uncomfortable chair you could imagine -- my husband and I would sit in it and laugh because it hurt so bad after just a few minutes. It would rock forward but it wouldn't rock back, so it felt like you were leaning forward the whole time. We kept it for 5 years but never used it and finally gave it away.
I know my parents didn't mean to order the wrong things. They just don't pay attention to details and that's how they have always been. When I was a kid I learned that early on. If I wanted a certain type of jeans or shoes, I went out and worked to get them myself because my parents would get something totally different. That's my folks, but I love them just the same...
If I were in your shoes, I would exchange the swing for the one you want (and just tell her that someone else got you one too so you exchanged hers for something else that the baby would need -- that way she won't be offended). And as for the crib, I would just exchange it for the color you want... Send her a fabulous thank you note and that will be that. If she is like my mom, she probably wouldn't even notice that the crib color changed.
P.S. You are NOT sounding like a brat. It sounds like you have taken a lot of time to research what you want for your child, and it is hard when people get you something totally opposite of what you were hoping for.
"This is rude-- she is venting, and this is unhelpful."
AGREED! Yes, your upset. And like you said you live on the other side of the country and have no one to vent to...I totally understand! That is why I joined thebump.
Easiest thing to do, would be like everyone recommended..just call and be polite and see what they can do. If they can't do it, you can always restain it or paint it the color that you want..not you your self because of the fumes...but you could have someone do it for you.