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March 2011 Moms
Ginafawny
member
Date night
Ginafawny
member
Well our first date night was a bust. We really needed the time to work out a few issues we were having in our marriage. I wont get into details but because of DH's second side job he is unable to spend time with his family. There is more to it but that is the main one. I told him he needs to find balance or he will lose us. For me the marriage seems to be getting worse and I told him that last night during our date. He told me that he felt there were getting better. I love how well he pays attention 
After that we didn't talk for the rest of dinner. Then as we were heading to pick up LO, MIL who is watching LO calls me to ask when I will be there because LO has been crying for 20 mins and they are out of ideas to sooth her. So I tell DH that I cant do date night again because LO and I are not ready to be apart. Of course he gets upset and doesn't understand what I am talking about. I am out of ideas, how am I suppose to bring my family together when it seems like DH is in la-la land? Oh and we have been together for 7 years.
After that we didn't talk for the rest of dinner. Then as we were heading to pick up LO, MIL who is watching LO calls me to ask when I will be there because LO has been crying for 20 mins and they are out of ideas to sooth her. So I tell DH that I cant do date night again because LO and I are not ready to be apart. Of course he gets upset and doesn't understand what I am talking about. I am out of ideas, how am I suppose to bring my family together when it seems like DH is in la-la land? Oh and we have been together for 7 years.This discussion has been closed.
Re: Date night
I'm sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to say that maybe you shouldn't disregard date night all together just because of one incident where your LO was crying for 20 minutes. We've left DS overnight with my mom, who told me later that he cried and cried before going to bed and after an HOUR of trying to soothe, he settled down and fell asleep. I guess since she didn't call me while it was happening, I didn't take it as a big deal since he eventually settled.
Date nights/ times together are important. What time does your LO go to bed each night? With your husband's second job, is there any reasonable hour that you can make time to spend together while your LO is asleep? Watch a movie together, play a game, talk, that way, you'll be home and LO will be settled down. Just a thought.
You are definitely not alone. I'm going to assume that the second job is out of necessity. Like Sweetpea said, is there time during the day that you can spend together and have your MIL watch LO or take her you? Even if it's meeting him for his lunch or dinner break? Not ideal but it could at least be a start.
DF and I haven't been on a date since DD's birth yet ... I'm also not ready for it. I'm DEF not ready to let anyone else that's not DF look after her. That's just how I feel and I know I wouldn't enjoy the date because all I'd be doing is obsessing about how DD is ... So, I understand you there.
I'm sorry you're having trouble.
I did write how I feel my flame with DF has diminished and there's not much passion left in our relationship, but I have to say it's gotten better and we've spooned while watching movies since and held hands while going on walks with DD ... These little things, they are so important. I have no advice for you, but one thing is for sure, both of you need to make effort. Another thing is your DH not understanding what you're going through ... you can't expect him to unless you tell him and explain it to him. You're both living in two separate realities, you just need to tell each other about yours and what it makes you feel like, etc.
Hugs and good luck.