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Natural Birth
Update on my previous post about our birthing center
I posted a while ago, and haven't had a chance to see if anyone replied. Here's my initial post. I just want to feel better about my choices of going with a birth center. I'm put off by the midwife and don't know how to deal with the situation.
I went for my first appointment today with the midwife at the free standing birth center that we are going to have our baby at. I feel lucky to have found this place since it's close to us and also covered by Medi-cal.
Although it's great to have someone that will help me through the whole process, will give me a lot more help and info than a doctor has at a hospital (was going to a physician until we moved) but she is very one sided. I guess I just have issues with that. Hopefully it won't be an issue, because I've read reviews and lots of people have said the same thing, that she is very pushy and has her judgments and opinions.
I know it's going to be a million times better than in a hospital, for personally. I know lots of people have had great experiences with hospitals, but I haven't, not here in America at least.
I'm happy that I'll get to have a water birth and have midwives coaching me through it. I'm just trying to get to a point where I'm fully happy and comfortable with it, since her opinions are very much one sided, but I'll still do what I feel is right and try to be clear with her on that.Some women were asking what her opinions are that are putting me off, well here is my reply
Alright, one of them, I try to be a very open minded person, and not judge people on their choices. But same as how I feel with a lot of religious people that try to force religion on you, it's the same kind of feeling, like someone is just pushy with their opinions.
I am pro choice, and I really believe that every woman has a right to choose. She was talking about how before she became a midwife, she worked at a non profit pregnancy clinic and would make the women that came in leaning towards having an abortion, she would make them sit there, hold the little rubber babies in their hands and tell them how what they are doing is very wrong, and tell them how far developed they are, and that they will regret it. She told me that she would put guilt trips on them to make sure they didn't get rid of the baby. It's just something that is really not sitting well with me.
She also just makes comments like, "Yeah, don't listen to what you read online, or watch your pregnancy tickers that count down, I would never follow computers, they're wrong"
She complains about hospitals a lot, and she is very one sided. I understand they are supposed to be more natural and that's the reason we are going with them! Butttttttt I really just don't like how she is very one sided and pushy, and almost makes you feel dumb if you don't agree.
And the thing is, she's the midwife we would deal with there, so it's either this birth center, a hospital or pay out of pocket for labor and deliver, and we would rather just use our insurance.
I guess I just want to feel good about it, and maybe I should talk to her? I don't know. I don't know what to do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update on my previous post about our birthing center
Thanks for reading and replying. I wish I could shake this feeling and just enjoy the process of going there and then delivering.
It might seem crazy to think about, but since her opinions are so strong and she would guilt trip women into keeping their babies, it kind of makes me upset. I just keep picturing these poor girls going in and thinking they're going in for help, but instead get a guilt trip and feel even worse. It makes me sad.
Honestly, i would rather be focusing on the happiness I feel being pregnant, not have a discussion on women trying to get rid of their babies. It made me uncomfortable.
I will try to bring it up, and maybe it'll help. She has been great with explaining how things go in case of emergencies, and there's a hospital only 8 minutes away. She told me how much she would help me to make sure I don't tear, or at least do what she can to help with that. She's great in a lot of ways, just very opinionated and one sided on some stuff.
I don't think computers are always wrong, and this board is great for advice and help. I hope I can resolve it because i really want a water birth and not go to a hospital. Hope it works out. It's stressing me out.
I so agree with you!!! It makes me sad. Women going in thinking they are getting help without judgment, yet they're being guilt tripped. It makes me sad.
Is there any way to just avoid these topics in the future- change the subject or something. I wouldn't like a MW like that either, but if you think you'll have a better birth this way than at the hospital, and she's your only option, I'd stay with her. If you had the option to have a different care provider and still use the birth center, I'd look into that.
Sorry she's so judgy and pushy. And really, no matter how pro-life you are, why in the world would you be talking about that stuff during a prenatal visit?!
I don't think so either...if only because of the abortion discussion. That is super creepy and crosses a line IMO.
I sort of agree with her about tickers and countdowns (and in general the idea of "due dates", but the whole bit about computers being bad is weird. My first MW was SUPER CRUNCHY, but also maintained a beautiful and helpful website as well as utilizing modern technology and the internet whenever she could.
I also agree with her to a point about hospitals, but at the same time I would want to know that she understands that hospitals and medicine has its place. Which I totally got from the first time meeting with my MW.
My MW was always very opinion about a lot of topics that I didn't necessary agree with her about- vaccinations, co-sleeping, etc., but none of it really bothered me because she was never pushy about it.
I think it is really important to mesh with your MW. Even if she is good at her job, she might not be the right choice for you. I knew from the first meeting that mine was right for me...and also this time around with my new MW (my old one is retired). I don't think you should discount that feeling.
That wouldn't sit well with me even though I am on her side of the abortion fence. I just think it's unprofessional of her to bring up her past in that much detail since it is so alienating. She could have just said she'd worked at a pregnancy clinic and left it at that.
I would give her another chance, and if it is a recurring problem (especially if you change the subject or tell her that you make decisions for your family only and they are final), I'd find a new provider.
My first impression of my MWs wasn't great at all--they told me my baby wasn't viable and that "the good news was I could try again for another baby since it only took us one month to conceive." Yeah, not cool. I decided to give them a second chance and I am SO GLAD I did because I am really loving seeing them now. FWIW, baby is growing and 100% healthy and viable.
I knew it all along!
Breastfeeding and pregnant!
This actually worries me the most. If complications arise, would she transfer you in a timely manner or push things too far at home? Is she going to support your choices in labor or is she going to be too pushy?
My home birth doctor complained about hospitals a lot but he was also upfront about risks and the fact that hospitals and medical care have their place. I could tell from our early meetings that client autonomy was something he respected.
I agree with PSP that you should listen to your gut feelings. I ignored gut feelings about my OB during my first pregnancy and I regretted it a lot in the end. Home birth is a great choice but since it lacks the resources of a hospital, a good provider is absolutely essential in case complications arise.
This was my initial thought. Her dogmatic thinking in regards to technology, coupled with her unethical treatment of patients, would not sit well with me. I would be afraid that she wouldn't transfer in a timely matter if it were required. I would also be worried that she might not be providing accurate information.
Please check to see what her rates of hospital transfer are, outcomes, etc. Like Iris said, a good provider is absolutely essential.
ETA: Let's say that you were seeing a OB or hospital-based CNM instead. If they said these things to you, would you continue to work with them? If you answer no, I think that you should reassess and look into other options.
I can relate and it's hard. I also really want a birth center experience but only 1 place in the area is covered by my insurance & has room for me. The midwife I met with expressed some surprising views that didn't make me feel totally comfortable but as long as she'll support my birth plan (which will include avoiding side chit chat - not just her, anyone because it's really hard for me to relax when I can overhear random conversations) then her views on other stuff isn't as important to me as having a natural, peaceful, loving birth with my husband by my side.