Would this bother you? (Kinda Longish)

mamaholmes2010 · July 2011

I have a cousin that I grew up with; we were really close until he moved to CA for college after HS (we are from RI). He and his wife had their first LO in May of 2010 (the first great-grandchild for my mother's side of the family). My grandfather is 86 and lives in the same town as me and my parents so he is very close with O. My mom takes care of my grandfather and O on Mondays, and my grampy adores O.

My cousin and his wife made their first trip here to meet everyone this week. We had a huge family cookout on Sunday and it was great to see everyone. Grampy was holding O when they arrived and my cousin came in and asked me to take O so that grampy could hold "his FIRST great-grandson". I was kind of annoyed by this but just smiled and said sure.

Flash forward to last night. I was on FB and my cousin had posted a video of his LO meeting grampy for the first time (very cute, btw). My aunt (his mom, who also lives in RI, with grampy no less...but that's a whole different kind of trashy) made a comment that said "thanks, "john" what a great video, I am SO glad grampy got to meet his FIRST great-grandson"

Really? Is birth order that important? It just kind of rubbed me the wrong way...would this bother you?

Also...if you made it through all of this Cake

lulu8109 · July 2011

Yes, this would annoy me. LO is actually the first and only great grandchild on my dad's side and he is the first and only grandchild on both sides, so I don't have the same problem. I'm certainly not going to rub it in that LO is the FIRST. It's not like it's a competition. People like that annoy me.

EVM1216 · July 2011

Yes, but only in that family can be so irritating kind of way. DH's aunt made a huge deal about how her daughter gave DH's grandpa the FIRST great grandchild, and it really annoyed me too, since it was like DH and I were supposed to be in a race with cousin and her husband to procreate. Grandpa died before we concieved, so all we hear about now is how Maddie was Grandpa's favorite person of all time. I just roll my eyes and leave the room.

AmberLoryn2629 · July 2011

Yes, this would irritate me. When LO was born (he was the first grandchild for both of our parents) I had to listen to MIL telling my newborn baby how he is more "special than any other future grandbabies because he is first," and how he'll "always get a little more money," and "when we go to the store, you can get a little something extra, because you're first." It drove me BSC. I felt like I had to defend any future children we may have. And her second grandbaby was due only 8 weeks after LO was due, so she was already putting down this unborn baby as second-best.. it was crazy. So even though it was kind of the opposite problem from OP, it was still so irritating. I think DH said something to her about it though, because she just stopped with those comments one day. Thank goodness. I was ready to throat-punch her.

jillybean800 · July 2011

I'll play devil's advocate and say no here. I think they are just trying to make the mom and dad feel special because they live so far away. Grampy will surely have a closer relationship with O simply because of proximity. So what else does that kid have besides being the first? Let him have his birth order pride, you've got the actual closeness that will develop. It's natural for people to overcompensate when they don't see that child that often.

mamaholmes2010 · July 2011

jillybean800:
I'll play devil's advocate and say no here. I think they are just trying to make the mom and dad feel special because they live so far away. Grampy will surely have a closer relationship with O simply because of proximity. So what else does that kid have besides being the first? Let him have his birth order pride, you've got the actual closeness that will develop. It's natural for people to overcompensate when they don't see that child that often.

This was my original feeling when my cousin mentioned it at the house...but after the FB comment I got a little upset. I see your point though; deep down I know you are right but its hard to fight those mama bear instincts, kwim?

SapphireKat18 · July 2011

Not gonna lie, I would've been tempted to reply "First is worst, second is best!"

mamaholmes2010 · July 2011

SapphireKat18:
Not gonna lie, I would've been tempted to reply "First is worst, second is best!"

I literally just LOL'd in my office!

erind0213 · July 2011

I am sorry, that is kind of sad.

You figure your grampy gets a lot more time with your son, so I think its more a jealousy issue.

1happygirl782 · July 2011

It would be annoying, but I agree with Jilly. I think they are just overcompensating because they feel like their child doesn't have the opportunity to spend time with your Grampy. I think they are just trying to make themselves feel better.

tiffanyp · July 2011

dup

tiffanyp · July 2011

Was the word "first" actually capitalized, or did you just do that right now for emphasis? If it was actually capitalized, then yes, it would annoy me.

kj07 · July 2011

1happygirl782:
It would be annoying, but I agree with Jilly. I think they are just overcompensating because they feel like their child doesn't have the opportunity to spend time with your Grampy. I think they are just trying to make themselves feel better.

This.

I'd soothe my annoyance by imagining myself posting a response to the FIRST great-grandbaby's mom that was something along the lines of, "Great video! All that time he spent with O helped Grampy perfect his great-grandbaby holding skills."

But I wouldn't actually post it because in the long run it's just not worth fueling those fires.

kat81again2 · July 2011

jillybean800:
I'll play devil's advocate and say no here. I think they are just trying to make the mom and dad feel special because they live so far away. Grampy will surely have a closer relationship with O simply because of proximity. So what else does that kid have besides being the first? Let him have his birth order pride, you've got the actual closeness that will develop. It's natural for people to overcompensate when they don't see that child that often.

This, though I would have been annoyed. They are just jealous that your kid has the tighter relationship.

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