3 month old only wants mama

+Mommy2Be+ · July 2011

Hello,

This is my first post to this particular board and I could REALLY use some help! I have a 12 week old and DH and I have both been completely on board with attachment parenting from day one. LO pretty much wants to be held all the time. I recently got an Ergo and wear her around the house while doing chores etc. We bed share and for daytime naps she sleeps best on me, rarely in her bassinet and never in her crib. When holding her I feel that I often must entertain her as well (bouncing, swaying, patting her back etc.) in order to keep her calm for any decent period of time. When others hold her, including DH, she starts to cry pretty quickly. DH works hard to help soothe her while holding her. She is not able to be held by any family or friends for long before she wants mommy. (even when fed, rested and in a dry diaper she still cries when family holds her). What is the AP point of view in helping her with getting accustomed to being held by DH and other family members? I must admit that I love that she finds so much comfort in my arms but I want her to feel safe and secure with DH and other family too.

lisa5201 · July 2011

It takes time, and sometimes it really comes down to the baby's personality. I have a 15 month old who still only wants mama, and I have friends who's babies will go to pretty much anyone (and they are also AP). I would say, don't rush it and don't push it. You can try letting other family members and DH hold her in the ergo and see if that makes a difference. Eventually she will probably warm up to other's "style" and feel more comfortable, but for now she's still a tiny baby and she wants what she wants. If you force her to be held by others past her comfort zone it might push her in the other direction, however, don't stop trying because you anticipate her not liking it. It can and will get hard feeling like the ONLY one she's comfortable with, but it will get better as she's older and able to be entertained by outside things

GL!

LouiseB2001 · July 2011

It sounds tough but also very normal. I remember when DD was that age it was really frustrating that she did not want to be held or even rocked by DH. He was very worried that she would not bond with him and that she would only be with me, but it slowly changed. I think this age is still early to expect her to be comfortable for long time with others. Enjoy your Ergo and other remedies (DD didn't like her bouncer for more than 10 minutes either) that can help you.

missisue · July 2011

So glad I read this post! My LO is only a month old and is fine with DH or me, but is NOT fine with anyone else for very long. I'll stop feeling guilty (or letting MIL make me feel guilty) that grandma only gets to hold her for five minutes.

cstyles · July 2011

My LO was exactly the same way. He was about 6 months before he would let anyone else hold him. Now at 11 months he is the most secure outgoing LO I know. He goes to anyone and will let anyone hold him.

My mother also made me feel guilty for it and told me I needed to fix it. However everytime I would try to fix it, it would get so much worse! I finally gave in to my LO and just gave him what he needed. This did mean Dh had to step up in all other household areas, he did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, on top of working outside the home. I thought that Dh and LO would never have a relationship. Now LO is pretty equal to his preferences of us. If he is hurt or tired he seems to favor me, but will accept Dh.

It does get better, and you will actually miss the days that all you did was hold your tiny sleeping baby. My new parenting motto is "this to shall pass"!

GL!

+Mommy2Be+ · July 2011

thank you all so very much for sharing your own experiences. I know that every baby is different but it was concerning me that my LO is not content being held with anyone else when I see many other babies comfortable being held by anyone. I will relax and enjoy this time in her life where she only wants mama. It's a sweet feeling that I know will pass and then I'll miss it!

cstyles · July 2011

I should add that my sister has a little girl 4 weeks older than my LO and she would be passed around at family events while my LO would scream his head off if anyone even touched him. I swear he got seperation anxiety at 2 weeks and it didn't subside until 6 months.

We missed our entire family christmas because it was social over load for my LO while my niece was held by 40 different people.

All babies are different, but they all have one thing in common.... they all change and grow!

Enjoy every second of being the center of your LO's world. Now that mine is walking, the only quiet time I get with him is around 2 a.m. Wink

jazzyag · July 2011

cstyles:
I should add that my sister has a little girl 4 weeks older than my LO and she would be passed around at family events while my LO would scream his head off if anyone even touched him. I swear he got seperation anxiety at 2 weeks and it didn't subside until 6 months.

That sounds like my DD#1. DD#2 is fine with anyone holding her. It might be tough for a few months but it will get better. DD#1 is 3 now and loves her daddy. She even chooses him over me for snuggles and comfort now, it kinda makes me feel sad.

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3 month old only wants mama

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