Intro: Recent C-Section Mom

lob · July 2011

Hello Ladies. I thought I'd post a quick introduction because I'd love to start learning about VBACs. I am a very recent c/s mom. I had an unplanned, emergency c-section birth 4 days ago.

My C-Section: I developed gestational hypertension in the 36 week of my pregnancy. At my 38 week appointment, my doctor decided that DS should be born. They tried inducing me with pitocin, but we had to turn it off after only 45 minutes because DS was experiencing multiple heart rate decelerations.

Emotionally, I am still very raw. I am very disappointed that I wasn't able to delivery vaginally and the c-section itself was pretty traumatic for me. I didn't like the feeling of being numb. I didn't like that I wasn't able to see my son for the first time with DH. I didn't like how I was stuck in the recovery room when DH was with our son witnessing him being weighed, etc. I really did not like that my son wasn't placed on my stomach immediately after birth.

Reading the past few pages of posts on this board makes me think that I am not alone in these feelings. I hope that I can one day make peace with my c/s, and think that this process would be helped if I could learn about VBACs.

nycnola · July 2011

I am a lurker on the VBAC board all the time for the same reason. I had a failed induction at 42 weeks and ended up with a section when we had been planning a totally natural drug-free birth. I am hoping to TTC in Sept, so I come on here a lot for inspiration. There is tons of great info out there about VBACs and searching for it has made me feel a lot better about the birth. Give yourself time to grieve your birth, you deserve that time, and don't ever feel pressured to get over before you are ready, but make sure it doesn't effect you so much that it causes PPD or anything. I am a year out and I am still sad about it, but I don't think about it all the time or anything. And most importantly, enjoy your baby, enjoy these first few days and months, and heal physically. GL on congrats on the birth of your baby!

iris427 · July 2011

Welcome!

I'm sorry that your birth was traumatic. A lot of us here have been through similar feelings and you definitely are not alone. Give yourself some time to heal and make peace with what happened.

And congrats on your new baby!

lostaspen · July 2011

I'm so sorry you had to have a csection! I know some moms are happy with theirs, but I also know there are a LOT that have both emotional and physical damage from them. For me, this board is one of the best places to connect with other women with similar experiences and feelings. Most of the other csection moms I'm friends with now don't feel disappointment or sadness about their experience, so it's hard to talk to them.

I cried a lot after DS was born. It took months to be able to think about it without crying. That is normal. A year after his birth I started getting books from the library and researching midwives and birth centers. I like to be prepared! I found a wonderful, amazing midwife who encouraged me and DH to do something to express our emotions about my csection (it was hard on both of us). I ended up making a quilt, and love how it turned out (you can see it here: https://sparrowlanequilts.blogspot.com/2011/06/cesarean-quilt-complete.html).

I think the best thing I did was talk to people about my feeling and thoughts--people that could at least validate my feelings and thoughts because sooo many people just brush your emotions under the-"at least you and your baby are healthy"-rug! I am so grateful that we are both healthy, however! That does not in any way fix my emotional damage!

Anyway, I hope the best to you and your little boy! Newborns are amazing and hard work, but worth it :-) If you would like a website and book list on vbacs, please email me: my SN@gmail

cchill01 · July 2011

Welcome. There are lots of us here who are feeling/have felt the same emotions you are going through right now. You're definitely not alone. There are lots of great resources and support here about VBACs and c-sections.

For now, I would focus on healing and getting to know your little guy. These first few weeks can be exhausting and emotional. Try not to add to it. You'll have plenty of time for what-ifs later.

Nov5Mrs. · July 2011

You're not alone. Even if you just lurk, the way I have for so long, you'll find on wealth of support from this board. It's somehow healing to know that there are others who've experienced the same emotions you're feeling. By the way, that quilt is AMAZING. Just looking at it brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the link. It's truly beautiful.

Kdonn15 · July 2011

I know exactly what you're going through! I as well had an emergency c-section with my DD and actually needed general anesthesia so my dh was left waiting in the hallway. I didn't meet my daughter or see her until hours after her birth. We were team green so I get bummed thinking about how my extended family all knew we'd had a little girl (an a good handful of them came to hospital shortly after the birth) and saw her in the nursery before I even woke up from surgery. Time does help you to accept the birth you had and while you may never be happy with the experience, it is comforting to know your baby got here safely and a VBAC is possible for the future.

I had hoped to have a VBAC with my son and everything as far as my labored went quickly as it did with my DD but i hit 8cm and right after my epi my blood pressure plummeted and they needed to give me meds which in turn made DS's heart rate drop. they tried to stabilize us and broke my water after they checked and I was at 9cm but there was so much meconium in the fluid, the baby was still high and hadn't dropped at all and the vitals for both of us were not improving. The on call OB suggested I consider a c-section and at that point I said absolutely, there was nothing more terrifying for me at the time than the thought of having another emergency c-section that did not have the same happy/healthy result as my first one did. I did not care at that point about the VBAC I was scared I wasn't going to be as lucky as I was the first time around. My hospitals policy does not permit that partners be in the OR for emergency c-sections but the OB knew of our experience the first time around and made sure my dh was by my side in the OR. Once I saw him come into the room (after I was all prepped and on the table) I relaxed and was thrilled that he was there this time to witness our child's birth.

Ultimately, I can't say I had the birth experience that I wanted with either of my children, but I am so happy to have had them arrive safely that I've been able to accept it. I do get sad from time to time knowing I'll never have the vaginal delivery I wanted to experience (since my OB has said that if we were to have a third child they would not allow me to attempt a VBAC since with my DS I had experienced a small uterine tear/rupture ) but I know deep down is was not for lack of effort!

I hope you can find peace and acceptance with your delivery experience, sooner rather than later for your own sake......this board is very helpful and full of women who can sympathize with you! Best of luck.

iris427 · July 2011

Wow, that quilt is amazing. So many emotions looking at that.

nycnola · July 2011

That quilt is amazing. I wish there was a way more c-section moms could see it. Its so expressive of how I feel about our birth.

lob · July 2011

Thank you all for your kind words. I does help to know that I am not alone in these feelings. It was weird. After the c-section when I was in recovery, the nurses seemed surprised that I was crying so much. I remember hearing one nurse say to the other...."Why is she crying?" And the other had to to tell her that I was upset that I wasn't with my baby. It totally made me feel that what I was feeling was not the usual reaction.

lob · July 2011

lostaspen:
I'm so sorry you had to have a csection! I know some moms are happy with theirs, but I also know there are a LOT that have both emotional and physical damage from them. For me, this board is one of the best places to connect with other women with similar experiences and feelings. Most of the other csection moms I'm friends with now don't feel disappointment or sadness about their experience, so it's hard to talk to them.
I cried a lot after DS was born. It took months to be able to think about it without crying. That is normal. A year after his birth I started getting books from the library and researching midwives and birth centers. I like to be prepared! I found a wonderful, amazing midwife who encouraged me and DH to do something to express our emotions about my csection (it was hard on both of us). I ended up making a quilt, and love how it turned out (you can see it here: https://sparrowlanequilts.blogspot.com/2011/06/cesarean-quilt-complete.html).
I think the best thing I did was talk to people about my feeling and thoughts--people that could at least validate my feelings and thoughts because sooo many people just brush your emotions under the-"at least you and your baby are healthy"-rug! I am so grateful that we are both healthy, however! That does not in any way fix my emotional damage!
Anyway, I hope the best to you and your little boy! Newborns are amazing and hard work, but worth it :-) If you would like a website and book list on vbacs, please email me: my SN@gmail

This is seriously beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I'll be sending you an email shortly. Smile

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