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Pre-School and Daycare
ArcticFox
member
Bedtime drama (4yo)
ArcticFox
member
My DD has been so tough about bedtime lately.
Since she was about 2, we had her in her big girl bed and she was fantastic about getting in bed and going to sleep. Sure, she would babble in her bed, but no issues.
Now DD comes out of her room multiple times. She asks for movie night (because maybe 2x a month we do a movie on a Friday night with popcorn) or begs relentlessly for me to sleep with her. I understand that she has had issues with me sleeping with the baby (my DH was away all the time for school, business, etc, and I was up BFing or whatnot, it was just easier to co-sleep with our 2nd baby). But the baby also goes to bed later than my 4 year old, so no, I am not going to have a sleepover (especially at 8pm!).
She comes out of her room so many times, and I tell her she's going to be in trouble, but then she'll come out to go to the bathroom or that she needs water or something. Once I went upstairs to put the baby to bed (an hour after DD's bedtime) and DD was passed out in her sister's room.
Any ideas? Every night is a long, drawn out process. My DH isn't home much and I'm running around putting 2 kids in bed by myself and spending an hour trying to get DD to stay in her bed, even jsut her room (!) is a big ordeal.
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Re: Bedtime drama (4yo)
My advice comes from Supernanny, and works for us (what you're describing happens from time to time and we have to "re-train"). We just keep taking her back to the room. First time we say "It's time for bed" in response to whatever she says (unless it's wet diaper/something real) and close the door. Second time we just walk her in w/o talking and close the door. On the TV show they showed that you just keep doing that 3, 4, 5, infinite times for a couple of nights and they learn that you mean business.
Good luck!
I think it sounds like a phase. I also think it might be an attention thing. Is there a reason that you are putting the baby down later than your 4 year old? My 9 month old goes to bed around 7:30 every night. That gives me time to spend with my 3 year old afterwards.
I know it's hard when your dh isn't around. When my dh isn't around I will let my 3 year old watch a show while I put the baby down. Then I will read books, tell stories, and snuggle with my older daughter in bed. Just a suggestion of maybe trying to put the baby to bed first and see if that helps...maybe she gets up because she knows you are spending time with the baby and she feels left out.
I think that pretty simply it's an attention issue. I hate to sound harsh but unless I'm misreading this the "baby" you're talking about is the 20 month old right? She may have been a bit more understanding when she was a baby and you were sleeping with her but now, well the LO is not a baby anymore and it's far more likely that your oldest DD is really feeling left out. She knows that the LO is getting to stay up later, getting your one on one attention and then getting to sleep with you. Put yourself in her shoes, would you just willingly up and go to sleep?
I understand your problem, I really do. Our house is a bit opposite as our oldest is the co-sleeper but our youngest has always had a later bedtime because the oldest has always been an early to bed kind of kid. Now that our youngest is a bit older and he understands what's up, he's starting to pitch a fit about wanting to sleep with one of us each night, to have one of us lay with him to go to sleep ( although for 2 years he fell asleep for every nap and nighttime alone quite happily). I don't blame him one bit so we're working on transitions that make everyone happy.
I think that you are going to either have to let your oldest in bed with you and #2 or get #2 into her own bed. For getting your oldest to at least stay in her room I'd suggest a reward chart. Figure out what really drives her and then when she has a good bedtime praise the heck out of her and give her something special.
It could possibly be an attention thing, but I think it's more that kids moving into the 4yo stage (mine started this around 3.5ish) have insane imaginations that develop. My previously easy to bed girl started coming up with every excuse in the book & had these wild fears that she'd never had before. Plus she started coming into bed w/us, which is something we've never done w/our kids. It is incredibly frustrating.
One thing that helped was talking about any fears or dreams she had & reassuring her a lot. We also instituted rewards for staying in her bed, not coming out of her room, etc. I think it is a very normal phase around that age & it will pass. You do have to be consistent though, and I appreciate that is difficult, esp. with a husband who works a lot (same here). I'd say that the worst of it lasted a couple of months, with some backsliding here & there. She's over 4 now and we haven't had the issue in awhile- she's back to her easygoing self at bedtime. Good luck!
I agree with this completely
"It could possibly be an attention thing, but I think it's more that kids moving into the 4yo stage (mine started this around 3.5ish) have insane imaginations that develop"
My little guy was an amazing sleeper, and over the past month getting him to bed has been a real task. He stalls and uses every trick in the book he knows. When pressed about why he won't stay in the room or go to sleep he usually starts to cry and talk about monsters outside and thunder. We try to reassure him about thunder being a loud sound and that monsters aren't real, they're just in stories and in shows, but it's hard to reason with a 3 1/2 year old. Good luck.
Thanks for the thoughts/suggestions
The 'baby' is the 22 month old.. I just figured it was the easiest to refer to her as the baby. I don't actually still co-sleep, but the 22mo goes to bed later than the 4yo, so she probably doesn't get that I don't co-sleep. I co-slept for maybe the first 6 months, and then only partially co-slept after that (like if I got up to pump or feed early anyway).
I wish my younger went to bed earlier, something to work on, or at least I can hope for
Nest Bio ~ ~ Baby Food Blog
This won't be popular with some who read it but, I have twins to deal with as well....
We do have a TV in Emerson's room. After we brush teeth, read books and prayers she is able to watch two of her "shows" on TV in bed. This allows her to lay down and relax. She is almost always asleep before the second show is over which is 7:30.
She also has a Melissa and Doug flash light and several books in her bed to occupy her if she doesn't fall asleep prior to her TV being over.
You gotta do what you've gotta do......
ETA-I slept with my parents until I was 9 years old when they forced me out. I still remember, well into my 30's, how scary it was. I have never let my kids into my bed at night because of this....just my 2C.....
Um...aren't you the mom? Put her to bed earlier. This whole situation makes no sense to me. It sounds like your kids just run the show.
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