Let's talk about sex....

Athena0809 · July 2011

So when did you resume intercourse? we haven't. I'm 9 weeks pp and sex is the last thing in mind (especially with a baby that wakes up every 40 min!) During my pregnancy the 1st tri was awesome my drive was even higher, 2nd tri everything changed, it was gone, by the 3rd tri we were like "what is sex?" DH was great about it he would tell me that if I was uncomfortable/wasn't into it, he wouldn't be into it either. Caring for a NB our only conversations the first month or so were "can you change his diaper" "how long did he sleep this time?" so he was very understanding. But last night DH, in a very sweet way told me it's been way too long...I feel for him I know it's been months! But I just don't feel like it! Anyway, we tried, I think there is hope for me because I was turned on, but when he tried to penetrate I was in paaaain! I had two tears but I thought everything was healed, but I felt like my perineum was being torn! Anyone else in a similar situation? or tell me how you got your sex life back.

kacelle · July 2011

Violet is 8 weeks old today, and it still hasn't happened. We tried a couple of weeks ago, and it was way more painful than the first time, so we stopped. We had sex until I was about 41 weeks pregnant, but it still feels like it's been forever! I'm hoping to get up the nerve to try again by DH's birthday on Monday.

ETA: I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad since I didn't tear at all. No such luck, and I'm still really sore down there at times.

NothingLikeBarbie · July 2011

I didnt have sex till 7-8 weeks PP. I was too scared. It did hurt the first couple of times, but its FINALLY (at 9, almost 10 weeks PP) starting to feel better. Still a little sore though.

Use LOTS of lube!

Heather & Nayt · July 2011

Lots and lots of lube and foreplay!

We had sex at 5 weeks PP, and it hurt the first few times. He had to go slow, and I seriously felt like a virgin again. Slow and steady!

munsterdani · July 2011

Heather & Nayt:

Lots and lots of lube and foreplay!

We had sex at 5 weeks PP, and it hurt the first few times. He had to go slow, and I seriously felt like a virgin again. Slow and steady!

This! We waited until 6 weeks pp and like everyone else said it was painful the first couple times but now it feels good again.

mizzmeg · July 2011

I must be the minority. I had sex within 3 weeks (go ahead flame away, OB said if I felt up for it go for it) and it was amazing. We have better sex now than before. It did feel weird at first, never hurt for me. We never used lube. I also had a c/s so I am not sure if that has anything to do with it.

And when you BF, your libido is low. When DH starts trying to turn me on, it takes a long time for me to be turned on too.

sugarangel77 · July 2011

6 week pp and havent even thought about it. I just have no drive. UGH?. im going to have to try some time.

I think ill need wine, lube and a sexy show like true blood?.

Neukim · July 2011

I had sex for the first time last night, almost 9 weeks pp. It didn't hurt at all. It felt different to me...meaning it wasn't great(haha)' but it didn't hurt. I remember getting drunk after my first lo because I thought it was going to hurt and I was worried, but that turned out find too. No lube for us either.

RavenandJosh · July 2011

Heather & Nayt:
Lots and lots of lube and foreplay!
We had sex at 5 weeks PP, and it hurt the first few times. He had to go slow, and I seriously felt like a virgin again. Slow and steady!

This exactly!!!! Now its awesome!!! We still had sex up till I delivered at 39 weeks. I would go crazy if we didnt have sex for that long!!!

kacelle · July 2011

megbaby13:
I must be the minority. I had sex within 3 weeks (go ahead flame away, OB said if I felt up for it go for it) and it was amazing. We have better sex now than before. It did feel weird at first, never hurt for me. We never used lube. I also had a c/s so I am not sure if that has anything to do with it.
And when you BF, your libido is low. When DH starts trying to turn me on, it takes a long time for me to be turned on too.

I guess this is different for different people (like most things). This isn't true for me at all!

nickelbabi · July 2011

We finally dtd at 10+ wks and it had been over 3 months. I had been looking forward to using it as an induction method, but I delivered early on my due date so that never happened. Then my post partum appt. got delayed two weeks, my MIL visited, then we were at my parents...When we finally were back at home , alone, the baby woke up every time we tried. I never thought we'd go so long without it, but we were just so busy!

DH was more nervous than I was that he was going to hurt me, so I was on top and controlled the pace, we used lots of lube and went very slow. Use regular lube- we used some kind that we had around and it caused tingling which made things more painful. I just kept reminding myself that unmedicated childbirth was way worse! We're not doing it again until we buy different lube and I think DH would be more than happy with 1x/wk at this point. The baby still sleeps in our room but we put him in his room that night and he slept great but we were both worried about him all night.

croberts22 · July 2011

I did at just over three weeks pp and i had a third degree tear and episiotomy. it did not hurt but felt a little different. it takes a little to get into it, but when i do its great. use lots of lube and be on top. it still does not happen often since it is hard to find time when i am not exhausted

toadstool · July 2011

Did you use lots of lube? That helps. I think I got the ok from my dr at 5 weeks and we tried that day. There was a little discomfort, but not as bad as I thought.

elisbu · July 2011

We couldn't have sex 1st tri, then did it once 2nd tri, one 3rd tri. I had NO drive!

5 weeks PP we did it (I had a c-section, never even dialated) and it was great!! We have to use a lot more lube now, I am pretty dry, but it's been pretty good ever since baby!

SFBayMrs · July 2011

Last night actually, lol! So, a day shy of DS being 2 months. I had a C/S so I think it wasn't so bad because of that (i.e. I didn't tear during labor). It was fine, just a bit uncomfortable. Wanted to try again tonight but, wouldn't you know it, AF showed up. Arrrgh!

Sorry, this response contained all kinds of TMI, didn't it? lol

aimeecasey · July 2011

Warning TMI:

We first did at 4 weeks and have maybe once a week since. It hurt the first few times, but what helped me was DH wouldn't penetrate all the way. I guess the stretching was what was causing me the most pain. I get off with DH in, so he would go all the way after her got off, and the pressure being less made it enjoyable for me.

mzsparklepdx · July 2011

It's been at least 4 months and not since LO was born. I'm not afraid, I just have no interest whatsoever. I am tired and already feeling overwhelmed by everything I need to do and trying to squeeze in just one more thing in the little free time I have makes me exhausted just thinking about it. It's probably weird, but I feel like once we do it, then we have officially "resumed our sex life" and then I'll have to make it happen all the time or I am a bad wife. Neither one of us has ever had a very high sex drive, but he has asked nicely and I know I need to get into the mindset and make it happen soon. I feel bad, just not bad enough yet.

darmca · July 2011

We tried (with the midwife's okay) 4 weeks PP. It was slightly painful for me (not horrible) but it was actually painful for him too as the knot at the end of my stitches was rubbing (midwife knew it was there and still said okay- that was pretty much all that was left of them). So then we waited another week or so until it had dissolved.

I agree with PPs who have said how important lube is but also just keep trying and it will get better.

andigurl · July 2011

Yours + mine ky jelly. Until now I've never really used lube, but that stuff is quite fantastic. Try it, you can thank me later.

lol.

Angel0423 · July 2011

baby is 10 weeks, still havent

tokenhoser · July 2011

We had sex up to the end (the morning of the day I went into labour!), then started again at 6 weeks. It's still not great, and honestly, I think I could happily go without but I'd like to stay married, so I put in some effort. We fool around about once a week, sometimes with actual sex and sometimes not.

As for the pain, use some lube. Start with you on top so you have all the control. Sideways also works for us now. Our old standards of him on top are still not working at all. I had a 3rd degree tear, and it's healed but the scar is SORE.

ah&gg08 · July 2011

I agree with the other girls. Use lots of lube!! It was uncomfortable the first few times but now it feels almost back to the way it was before I got pregnant. I am almost 8 weeks pp