- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
3003girl
member
what do you do when you get frustrated w/ LO?
3003girl
member
What do you do when you get frustrated with your LO? I am a bit burnt out, I think, and have a short fuse right now. I just handed her off to DH because I was getting frustrated and a bit "gruff" with her.
LO is going through a "I don't want to go to sleep stage" - I just spent 1 hour with her up in bed and she is *exhausted*, but keeps tossing and turning, then will turn to nursing, almost be asleep, and then start playing with a mole on my neck/chest that she is obsessed with. I have to put a bandaid on it because she has made it bleed a number of times. Well, she ripped the bandaid off and I put my hand over it and said "no." That did it, she got mad, turned over and was wide awake. I picked her up - a bit roughly because I was frustrated - and went down and got DH.
I feel bad I was rough with her. She's just a baby who has no idea how to fall asleep! (another post could be dedicated to that, but I know I just have to wait until she can figure it out on her own. Hopefully that will be before she goes to college.)
I have such a short fuse - I need some ideas on how to unwind...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: what do you do when you get frustrated w/ LO?
Take a walk! Or I like to ride my bike, get out even if it is for 20 minutes. Do something you like, maybe reading a book under a tree in the park, taking a hot bath, or having a date with some friends. If your DH has a regular schedule make a time every day when you get your alone time this really helps me, even just a half hour can make a huge difference.
I know how you feel! The sleep has always been a struggle with my daughter, and most of the time it is me with the issue! If she is having trouble sleeping maybe she needs more activity during the day? And I stopped trying to put my dd down at a certain time and just waited until she showed she was sleepy.
Little Rose is 2 1/2.
I think you're handling it well. (DD also doesn't know how to fall asleep, though we're working on it.) You handed her over when you had to. I sometimes do let out a "scream" (not top-of-my-lungs) of frustration, which helps. And then take some slow breaths (longer exhale than inhale - at least 10). And then redircect my own focus onto *just* dealing with her and slowing things down.
DD gets upset if she's trying to get to sleep and can't skritch (scratch/pintch/otherwise play with) some bare skin of mine. But after an hour of that last night, I just said no more. She cried briefly, and got a bit huffy, but at this age, they CAN learn that these sorts of things are not appropriate.
Well, yesterday DD woke up in a crap mood and wanted to do the opposite of everything I asked of her, plus DH was working all weekend and I was already burnt out before Sunday had even started. At the 5th or 6th thing (refusing to put on her shoes to go outside) I just walked away from her, went to the bedroom and lay down on our bed to have a good cry.
I felt really terrible that I couldn't keep the tears from coming (since the last thing I wanted to do was freak DD out on top of whatever other issues she seemed to be having yesterday), but I needed that release and I think if I hadn't cried, I might have started yelling my head off. Crying in front of your child= not ideal. Screaming your head off in front of your child= much less than ideal.
I have a crazy amount of work to get done this week, but I went to yoga this morning and have allowed myself to bump on and off just to relax and start the week off more pleasantly. I can really feel the difference in my patience with DD when I've spent some time on myself.
Thank goodness I'm not alone.
DH finally got her to sleep. She was tired, but just was done nursing and if she doesn't fall asleep nursing she has a hard time falling asleep. It's a growing trend, and increasingly frustrating.
I just needed to take a step back. And now I'm going to go weed the garden. Not exactly a massage, but relaxing in it's own way.
I like the screaming idea, but I did that once and it totally freaked LO out. Then she started screaming. :
I totally need to do some sort of physical activity sometime soon though. Balance!!!!
oh - I did a full out scream once. she was safe in her crib and I walked to the other side of the room. And that totally freaked her out.
I was way beyond an "AAARRGH!!" today!
We do this and/or have a quick hug and/or positive time out. DH usually works nights & very long hours on the weekend, so I often can't do a pass off, & that or walking away often makes it worse anyway.
Ari has taken really well to positive time out. He will sometimes announce that he is going to go do time out now, & he's even told me "mommy mad, mommy need time out." As someone who grew up with a mother who flew off the handle all.the.time., it's really important to me to teach my LOs that strong emotions are okay but you have to learn to deal with them appropriately. It's taken me a long time to deal with them myself, & sometimes I don't always succeed, but I'm way better than I used to be.
Thank you so much for asking this!!!!! Dh has been gone Sunday through thursday all summer and I hate to admit how frustrated I can get at bedtime by tuesday night. Coop starts boycotting sleep as soon as Dh returns and it can sometime take right until Dh is about to return for him to start sleeping again.
Last week we had been battling about bedtime on and off for about 3 hours, I finally set him in his crib and walked outside his door and jumped up and down and screamed into my hands (I seriously looked like a toddler throwing a tantrum). However I got out all that frustration and was able to go back in and get him settled in 10 minutes. It was much better than the alternative of screaming at him "TO GO TO SLEEP!!!" (with a few other choice words). I once got frustrated enough that I did scream at the ceiling while holding him and he completely freaked out. I then cried tear for tear with him while I apologized for scaring him and explaining that sometimes mommy's get really mad too.
I use to consider myself the most patient childcare provider, but sometimes I really suck in the patience department when it comes to my own child. I'm glad I still have some time to perfect my response to him when I become really frustrated. He is a pretty emotional kid and definetly doesn't need me flipping out.
Thanks again for asking and everyones responses. Glad to know I'm not alone it wanting to lose it some times!
As a PP said, thank you for asking this! It is SOOO reassuring to know that I'm not alone in my frustration with LO. He is certainly going through an "I-don't-want-to-sleep" phase and it can be incredibly frustrating when I've tried everything in my arsenal to get him to sleep and nothing works.
I, too, have resorted to an "argh" or a just about scream, but like others have mentioned, it always seems to just make things worse. When DH is home, I will hand him off, but when it's just me at home I will sometimes just put DS in the car and go drive around for a while. Sometimes he'll finally fall asleep for a bit, and other times it just gives us both a chance to calm down.
webmistress- what is a positive time out?
I think I am going to try the deep breathing thing with lo next time. I think she needs to learn how to relax also - it may even help her calm down to go to sleep! (one can hope!)
If DH isn't around, I tell LO how I'm feeling.
So in a situation like not settling to sleep. I'll say, "Mummy is getting very tired of this. I've rocked you and nursed you and read you a story and I don't know what else you would like me to do. Mummy needs to eat her dinner/have a shower/etc so I really want you to go to sleep."
I keep my tone neutral so that she doesn't get agitated by me, but I let her know what's going on for me. Then once I've vented it allows me to regroup and refocus on her.
So the follow up part to the conversation is normally something like, "I know you're a bit over tired/have a sore tooth/ had a big day. let Mummy sing you a song and you can just relax and think about some lovely sleep."
It doesn't always work, but at least it allows me to vent as I need, and I don't think there's anything wrong with LO hearing you expressing your feelings in a thoughtful manner.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
i have done the scream thing plenty of times too. lol - there's not always much else you can do, we're human, right?
just wanted to mention, your LO is near the age (well it was closer to 1.5 yrs) that we had the exact same problem with nursing to sleep. eventually i just gave up and got used to the fact that we would nurse till she was almost sleepy, then i would stand up and sing her a song (same one every night) while rocking her, and then we would lay down together in her queen bed till she fell asleep. not sure if you're headed down that path, but i know i've seen others post about a certain age somewhere after turning one where they fight nursing to sleep... and although bedtime took longer for a few weeks till we both got used to the new routine, then she was better at falling asleep on her own (which made our weaning 2 weeks ago at 2.5 yrs easier, i am sure).
like i said, not sure if you're there yet, but maybe food for thought? or it's just a phase and will pass soon... good luck!
It's weird because she will nurse, get tired, then roll over and babble, kick the crib (we sidecar) and fool around until she is exhausted, but can't fall asleep on her own. sometimes it will take an hour, but every time, she either crawls over to nurse again to sleep (comfort nursing) or I pick her up and cradle her, and she latches on for a few minutes to fall asleep. So I don't know what to think of it....
hmm yeah i dont know, it could be just a phase. but if you don't let her latch on again after the initial nursing, maybe she could learn to fall asleep on her own? this is what we did, but again DD was a few months older than your LO so i'm not sure. hopefully you get some easier sleep soon!
fwiw - i still lay with DD at bedtime till she falls asleep, and it can still take an hour some nights. i think she just takes a really long time to calm herself after a busy day, and i've had to just come to terms with that.