So we are night weaning and trying to move from bedsharing

Quazel · July 2011

A lot of these post have helped me so I thought I would update everyone on what we are doing. There are a few of us still nursing and bed sharing toddlers so I would love to hear if anyone else is having success as well.

DH had been pushing me to wean cold turkey and I had been saying I wanted to work on the night stuff first. We planned to use this summer to figure things out now that DS is eating. We moved a few weeks ago and set up a floor bed so DS has been sleeping in his room but I have also been in his bed from about midnight on every night. The intention was for me to get DS back to sleep and then return to DH and my bed but I have been falling asleep so that is failing although he knows it is his bed and wants to sleep there rather than our bed so that is good.

This actually started in a moment of frustration for me. DS was extremely clingy for a about a week, as in, he would only sleep with my boob in his mouth. I was ready to scream. One night, I got him to sleep and had to go back in several times while DH and I were trying to relax and have a serious conversation for the second night in a row. Each time, I had to nurse DS then try repeatedly to get my nipple and slip out without waking DS, probably a 15-30 minute process each time. I hit my limit the third time he woke and I couldn't get out. 2.5 years of night duty had finally caught up with me. I left him in his room, he started to cry. I went to sit with DH and cried myself. DH went in which caused DS to freak out, as always. DH lasted 20 minutes and then we switched. DS cried for another 50 minutes, he was half crying/half screaming. Any other night, I would not have been able to do it but I was so upset myself I couldn't nurse him. At the 1 hr, 10 minute mark, DS asked to watch his favorite TV show. My logical mind said no but my mommy mind said he needed help calming down. We went out and watched an episode, it took him the entire 22 minutes to calm down. Then, I told DS no boob in bed, he could have it in the chair so he nursed, we went back to bed, he snuggled up to me and went to sleep, he didn't even ask to nurse. He hasn't nursed to bed at nighttime since. Initially it took him a long time to settle himself for sleep but it is going faster and faster now. On occasion we will nurse in our chair, then get in bed, he will talk and play for a while then ask to nurse again so we go back to our chair then back in bed. He isn't stalling, it just means he is now ready for bed. I am handling everything much better now. It is actually a relief on my body to not have him nurse to sleep while I lay there stressing about whether or not I can escape when he falls asleep.

Unfortuntately, he still eats once overnight and comfort nurses on and off. This is a problem for me because I can't sleep comfortably, especially since only my right side produces. I don't know that I have gotten 3+ hours of straight sleep since pre-preg more than a handful of times. We inititally tried cutting out nursing in bed all at once. I told DS that when we are in bed, my breast is sleeping as well so he can't have it. It resulted in 3 days of no sleep in our house, it was hell. We retreated to just the initial falling asleep. We haven't been sure how to attack the overnight stuff. Normally he is asleep to hysterical within a minute or two if I refuse or DH tries to calm him. I had an idea last night that worked, I am still in shock. When DS woke overnight wanting my boob, I told him he could have it for just a minute or so then my breast had to go night night. He woke three times, two times it was perfect, as soon as I said "Boo needs to go night night now sweetheart," DS released and rolled away. The other time he ate a full meal but as soon as he was done, he let go. I am praying this continues for a few days and will lead to him accepting that my breast is asleep without needing it in his mouth first.

So that is where we are. Hopefully that can help someone. Anyone else dealing with this that is still around, what works for you would be great to hear about!

KateLouise · July 2011

Our Lo is a bit younger than yours. We had her sleeping in her own bed from around 7pm to 530am, where I would bring her into our bed and she would nurse and snooze a bit more.

Then about two months ago she went into hospital for a week. I stayed with her and nursed her through the night as she needed for comfort.

She has slept through the night once, since that time.

She's now in our bed and nursing on demand through the night. Agghhh.

Last time, I got her sleeping in her cot first. I would nurse her as much as she wanted, but always put her to sleep in her cot. Then I reduced the nursing using jay Gordon't method, of reducing how much she could have.

Although I did my own variation of his method. First I did, all she wanted to drink on both sides. Then I did all she wanted to drink but on one side only. Then I did a minute on one side. Then maybe 30 seconds. Then I got to just counting to ten in my head and putting her back in her cot.

At the moment I have morning sickness, so getting up and down in the night isn't ok for me. When it passes though I will go back to this strategy.

The first time it took us about ten nights, so it wasn't quick, but it was fairly painless.

Steph_NJ · July 2011

My DD's 17 months old and wants my nipple in her mouth all night too. Until a month ago MH could get her to sleep by rocking but now the only thing that'll work is NTS. She's been up every 2 hours -- last night she went 3 hours (yay!!) but then was awake again after 15 min, back to sleep, then awake again after 20 min (not good at all!)

We were bedsharing with her, but the constant nipple in the mouth thing was just too much for me; I wasn't sleeping well, back hurts all the next day, and was creeped out. MH would prefer bedsharing because at least she sleeps well, but understands why I want to stop.

One slight improvement is that she'll NTS then wake up when I put her in the crib, as usual. But instead of crying or yelling, now she'll shake her head and say no, then reach up for me. Most of the time she'll be OK with just putting her head on my shoulder and letting me stand and sway with her. Sometimes she wants to lie horizontal across my arms and have me rock her (intersting b/c that's a position similar to nursing and she's close to my breast but doesn't try nursing). After a couple of attempts of putting her in the crib, she'll roll over and go to sleep after I put her down.

I thought that it was interesting how you are able to talk to your son about not nursing. I wish I could do that with DD!! It sounds like he's making some slow progress; probably not as fast as you'd like, but something. Thanks for sharing.

Harper'smom · July 2011

I don't know Q, I don't have that much advice for you. We sort of weaned by default because I had to travel for work a few months ago and that was the end of my supply. But I feel for you. I also think your DH's desires for you to wean maybe out of concern for you and the toll it must be taking. If you were 100% hapy with the nursing relationship I would say your DH needs to back off.

Have you ever been away from J at bed time and had DH or a relative/sitter put him to sleep?

pghwedding10/08 · July 2011

I feel your pain! We were also full-time bedsharing and night nursing up until about 3 weeks ago. DS turned 2 at the end of June and we decided at that point that we would try to work on transitioning him to his own bed and night weaning. I didn't really have a "plan" in place-but both just sort of "happened". I had bought a cute car/truck quilt for DS's bed and set up the bed a few nights before his birthday party with the main intention of having the room a little more "put together" for anyone that may peek in during the party. Well, DS LOVED his "truck bed" and wanted to sleep in it the very first night-so we just followed his lead. The first few nights we just put him to sleep in there and brought him to our bed upon his first waking (usually as early as 1130-1230). I didn't want to discourage him from wanting to sleep in his new bed but I also didn't want to start a habit of me sleeping in there every night-as I knew I would fall asleep as well laying in there at 230 in the morning.

Our night weaning also happend in a moment of frustration. I had been planning to start soon, but one night I just couldn't take it anymore. DS wanted to just keep my nipple in his mouth from 12am-7am. So, I made the decision at about 1am that night weaning would start NOW. The first night was Aweful-he fussed/cried off and on for 2 hours. During this time, I hugged/patted/sang to him and told him that his Nunas were sleeping. The next night was 45 mins, then 30, then 15 or less. I should also mention that our nursing time is 530. At that point I "give in" and let him nurse and hopefully sleep for another few hours (in our bed).

One thing that I think has Really helped us is this book https://nursiesbook.com/. A friend of mine had sent me the link and I ordered it in early June. We had read the book to DS a few times in an effort to get him used to the idea of night weaning which was on the horizon. Once we officially started (the second night in) we made it the final part of our bedtime routine so it was fresh in his mind. Then when he woke at night we would remind him of the story. At this point we only read it every couple of nights as he really has the idea down. Sleep is still not perfect. In fact, he still often wakes up once or twice at night. Luckily, he goes back to sleep pretty quickly with some pats on his back-anywhere from 2-15 minutes. Now that the nightwakings are quicker, I am going to try to keep him in his own bed until 530.

I hope this is helpful! At least it is nice to know that there are a few of us out there tackling the same things with our toddlers Good luck!

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