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horrible mommy guilt today

perry7285perry7285 member
in Success after IF

i feel absolutely sick.

i went away to a conference for 4.5 days this week, my first time away from him. well, my husband tried to make it sound like the baby didn't know i was gone, but then last night i walked in on my MIL (who was there while i was gone) telling my FIL that the baby was out of sorts and looking for me and obviously missed me. enough in itself to make me feel sick. THEN, last night, my first night back, i went sleepwalking and turned the monitor to the wrong channel (i know i was sleepwalking because the monitor had been moved to a different place and i had a cut on my toe that looks like i stubbed it on something, a cut that definitely wasn't there at bedtime). i woke up at 5:20 (LO has been waking up at 4 a.m. lately) and ran to the nursery in a panic, where i found MIL with an exhausted, puffy-eyed baby. even though her room is at the other end of the apartment from the nursery, his crying had finally woken her up.

how the hell am i supposed to ensure that i take care of my baby if i sleepwalk and turn off the monitor? from now on, i'm putting a second monitor in MIL's room. but i don't know what i would do if i was alone with him.

i am a wreck. i'm hating life right now. =( 

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Re: horrible mommy guilt today

  • mrsolsenk12mrsolsenk12
    Don't be so hard on yourself. Going away is hard but he is so young he won't remember it after a day or so. As for the sleepwalking have you thought of putting a second monitor in your room. Also you might want to look into seeing a sleep specialist to see if there is something  you can do about it in the long run.
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  • perry7285perry7285 member

    imagemrsolsenk12:
    Don't be so hard on yourself. Going away is hard but he is so young he won't remember it after a day or so. As for the sleepwalking have you thought of putting a second monitor in your room. Also you might want to look into seeing a sleep specialist to see if there is something  you can do about it in the long run.

    i'll put a second monitor in my room if i'm ever alone again--but having someone else to listen for the second monitor seems like the only thing that's foolproof. =(

    this is the first time i've gone sleepwalking in years, so i haven't seen a sleep specialist. but i'm definitely going to let my doctor know about this and see what she says. 

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  • JustaKidAtHeartJustaKidAtHeart
    What about taping the buttons so you cant change them?
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  • perry7285perry7285 member

    imageJustaKidAtHeart:
    What about taping the buttons so you cant change them?

     

    that's a really good idea! theoretically i could still peel the tape off while sleepwalking, but i think it's way less likely. 

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  • dusk42dusk42
    imageperry7285:

    imagemrsolsenk12:
    Don't be so hard on yourself. Going away is hard but he is so young he won't remember it after a day or so. As for the sleepwalking have you thought of putting a second monitor in your room. Also you might want to look into seeing a sleep specialist to see if there is something  you can do about it in the long run.

    i'll put a second monitor in my room if i'm ever alone again--but having someone else to listen for the second monitor seems like the only thing that's foolproof. =(

    this is the first time i've gone sleepwalking in years, so i haven't seen a sleep specialist. but i'm definitely going to let my doctor know about this and see what she says. 

    I know it's probably different, but weren't you kind of sleepwalking/acting when you were so sleep-deprived?  (I think you tried to sit down in a chair that wasn't there, a hair-tie instead of a pacifier, etc.?)  If you can possibly swing it, I would try to get referred to a sleep specialist/neurologist.  Do you have gates on any stairs so you can't fall down them?  I'm more worried about you injuring yourself than the baby crying and not being heard.  :(  I hope things work out, and don't beat yourself up.

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  • perry7285perry7285 member
    yeah, i wasnt counting that since it was a sleep deprivation thing, but it definitely seems like i am prone to sleepwalking. :( dont worry, we dont have stairs.
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