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Parenting after 35
Opinions Wanted - pls weigh in (Fairly Long)
Hi - Bit of a family drama brewing over here and just wanted to get some objective opinions. It is my husband's 40th birthday this summer and we want to have a celebration. His birthday is in July, but having the party in the summer just doesn't work for us so we decided to make it an end of the summer bash and celebrate his birthday at the same time. Lots of folks had conflicts on labor day so we decided to make it the next weekend. That weekend is my nephew's birthday, but we assumed that there wouldn't be a conflict since he is 5 and we were having an evening party. My in-laws checked and there were no plans in place for his birthday so we went ahead and ordered invitations. We got a phone call tonight asking us to change the date because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law now want to make plans for their son's 5th birthday that extends into the evening.
We think that they could have a morning party and make both things works (children are included in our party) AND they should have let us know that it was a problem when we started talking about it almost 2 weeks ago.
They think it is their sons birthday and we shouldn't have planned anything on that day anyway.
What do you think? TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Opinions Wanted - pls weigh in (Fairly Long)
I think it's perfectly logical to assume that a 5 YEAR old's birthday party would not be an evening do!!
I think you did the right thing and discussed it with your family first - IMO you have the upper hand.
Hmm... I get where they're coming from in that it's their DS's actual birthday, but don't understand at all why they didn't tell you that you scheduling something that same weekend was a problem.
Is it possible to reschedule or are the invites already paid for?
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Tricky.
I can see why they would think the date is malleable, since it's not your husband's *actual* birthday, but they really should have said something before the invitations got printed up. To me, the idea of a little kid's party extending into the evening is pretty ambitious, the little kids I know would be punchy and ready to meltdown by then.
When is the 5 year old Birthday party starting? I mean how late are people going to hang with a 5 year old anyway.
Ironically, we bought the customized invitations just earlier today. We could rescheduled if we ate the cost of the invitations, but just feel that we are being manipulated. They knew what they were doing when they made plans....It is a deliberate conflict that they are creating.
So funny. My husband and I are laughing. We haven't been told what the plans are for my nephew, but just that our plans are in conflict and that we should move the date.
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Agreed. This is where we are - either be the bigger person or do what we want. It would be really great if they could come back with a compromise - like could you start the party later or something along those lines, but our phone isn't ringing. They won't even say what they want to do - just that we should change the date. Ugh - I feel like there is a no win here. It is my husband's call - it is his party and his brother and right now he is more on the eff them side. I think he will change the date if it puts his parents in a rough spot.
I agree that you went about it in the right way, thought of the little guy a checked. It's not like it was an oversight - on your part, though maybe it was on theirs. Perhaps they weren't thinking it was his bday when the ILs asked, "Oh snap".... But I digress.
I would ask them when the party starts and how long they expect the little guys party to run. At most, I would offer to start the party an hour or so later, so Nephews guests can bask in his full glory before coming to your DH's party.
I don't see it as a problem to go to two parties in one day. People make this work all the time. They don't own the whole day!
*Edit* I meant to add that if you do start the party later (if you have a lot of guests who would be attending both - I wouldn't bother if it was just ILs. They can be late) you could just add an insert to the invites with the updated time. I've seen this done with wedding invites when there has been a late in the game change. I wouldn't reprint the whole invite.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I agree with pps. They should have spoken up earlier. Even if they didn't have the exact plans in place, they should have said, "We're definitely doing something for Timmy's birthday, we just don't know what yet. So it would be better if you could pick another day." But they didn't say that. A kid's birthday party is a few hours in the afternoon. They could do 12:00 - 4:00 or something like that which wouldn't interfere with your evening plans.
What Pesky said.
I would say "I wish you had told us this 2 weeks ago when we first asked. We've already had invitations printed and can't change the date now. I'm really sorry. But hopefully the crossover isn't too big and you all can still make it later on!".
As for your IL's - make it "easy" on them by just saying "We totally understand the conflict and obviously realize you'll be late to DH's party. Not a big deal and we can't wait to see you!".
To a degree, they need a reality check that the world actually doesn't revolve around their son's b-day. The fact that you aren't supposed to plan ANYTHING for that day ever? Please. He's not your kid.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Love, love, love you ladies for weighing in here. You have both validated what we were thinking and provided us with some laughs at the same time. Many thanks. You have all helped to bring smiles to what was turning into something grim. THANK YOU