Help! My OB is starting to slip..

StephK86 · July 2011

So I have posted how much I love him and maybe I spoke too soon. My OB is very kind and he was at first very sensitive to my needs. Now he is getting pushy and kind of slacking. I used to get monthly ultrasounds and he always took his time with answering anything I had to ask. A few months ago he said we would stop the u/s's because everything was going well. I wasn't very happy but he didn't put it up for discussion and I didn't want to sound like a nut job arguing. Now mind you he has me labeled high risk. I was on depression meds prior to getting pregnant. I stopped them as soon as I got my BFP. He was pleased as he does not recommend taking anything. I have been struggling though and my PCP is concerned. She actually called my OB to see if I could take something now. He was very short with her and told her he will not approve me taking anything. I know because she called me personally to tell me.

I understand his concern but I am worried my constant stress and anxiety is hurting the baby. At my last appointment on Monday I wanted to discuss all this with him. He came in checked babies heartbeat and measured me then was on his way out. I had so many things to ask him and he just shut me down. He said I am doing great, he is proud of me and I don't need any meds. I was crying after and a nurse stopped to speak with me. I told her what happened and she looked confused. She said he actually prescribes medicine himself all the time to women who don't need it as badly as I do. It's not only the medicine that upsets me. He never tells me my sons heartrate even when I ask, he doesn't tell me how much weight I have gained or what I should be gaining, we don't talk about kick counts, he doesn't tell me what I am measuring, he doesn't tell me anything for that matter. I would like to start seeing the other dr's in the practice to see how they operate but am afraid he will think I am going behind his back. My Gavin could still be alive if my previous OB checked me at my last appointment to see I was actually dialated and needed to stop working. WWPGAL do?

books4brooke · July 2011

I am really sorry. I wouldn't be ok with a doctor being so dismissive of my medical situation, and I would look either at other docs in the practice or at switching altogether. You have a reason to be concerned about how he's treating you, and as the patient have a right to demand better.

dartkel01 · July 2011

I would get consult with another doctor. I had a similar experience with my male OB (not saying anything against male OBs...some are great...but for me not so much). I had a potentially miscarriage causing bleed early on and my OB just told me to "take it easy" and to "not do anything stupid." I asked him to elaborate and he didn't. I got a second opinion and the new MD put me on bed rest for 2 weeks. Things have cleared up and are going well right now. If anything had happened, I would've been devastated. And actually the OLD OB started talking about "if you do miscarry again, there are tests we can run to find out why." I was like hold on buddy...no one's miscarrying yet! I just feel more comfortable with the other doctor b/c I felt heard and validated in a way. This is your family...don't settle. If you're not feeling comfortable with the person who will be bringing your baby into this world...find someone else.

Just my two cents. Good luck!

AmorXAeterna · July 2011

Get a new ob. Seriously your the only advocate your baby has and if you feel something isn't right or that you need to be on medication then he needs to listen to you.

And if he has a problem he can get over it. Nobody knows your body as well as you do! And if he argues I'll come and kick his @ss! Stick out tongue

allybaby85 · July 2011

That sucks that he is pushing you on the back burner. I would totally be looking for a new doctor. you deserve better than that. It is hard enought being PgAL and you have other things going on as well and he wont even stop to answer your questions you have a right to know everything about yourself and your baby!...you are paying him he needs to recognize that.

alexa08 · July 2011

Wow - what a switch! I would certainly try another doctor in the practice next as they certainly can't be any worse. Do you know any other women who use this practice? Maybe you could get the scoop on the other doctors - sort of a long shot I know. With this one doctor deliver your baby, or will it be the one that's on call at the hospital? If so, then that's a good reason to get to know the other doctors now.

Good luck. I'm sorry he was such an un-understanding jerk!

itsmegin · July 2011

I think you need to talk to your doctor, and if he isn't receptive to your concerns, start seeing someone else in the practice, or someone else altogether.

germswif E · July 2011

I would be looking for a new ob. That just doesn't seem right and you do deserve better!

StephK86 · July 2011

Thanks ladies for the input. To answer your questions yes my mom, aunt and two friends go to this practice. There are three other drs. in the practice and all four switch at the hospital. My OB is going to try and be there for me but of course I don't depend on that. My last appointments are going to be with all the different drs. My mom says she was treated the best by the nurse's while pregnant. My bff who just had her baby is a FTM and I think she was more pleased with the drs. personalities then anything. The nurse does weigh me but it's on an old school scale. She honestly just slides the thing over and puts whatever. I have to ask her what my weight is but I go more by my digital at home.

I know first hand how important it is to be an advocate for yourself and child. He was doing so good in the beginning and I guess I keep hoping that guy will come back! God this sounds like a bad boyfriend. Anyhow I was just feeling anxious about switching so late. He also is making sure I have a c section if in labor too long. That is most important to me after my son. Next appointment I will block the door if I have to and make him answer my questions. If that doesn't work I have to start exploring my options. Thanks again for your kind words and wanting to kick his a$$. lol

vlewis515 · July 2011

Mine did the same thing and I switched, last saw her when I was 27 wks and saw my new doc at 30 wks. I'm so so so glad I made the switch, I love my current OB and her office staff.

mundayem · July 2011

I would look into switching. I don't think it matters how far along you are into the pregnany, if you don't feel like you are getting the best care you could be, demand that care or switch to another dr. GL!

HadleyS · July 2011

StephK86:

I used to get monthly ultrasounds and he always took his time with answering anything I had to ask. A few months ago he said we would stop the u/s's because everything was going well.

He never tells me my sons heartrate even when I ask, he doesn't tell me how much weight I have gained or what I should be gaining, we don't talk about kick counts, he doesn't tell me what I am measuring, he doesn't tell me anything for that matter. I would like to start seeing the other dr's in the practice to see how they operate but am afraid he will think I am going behind his back. My Gavin could still be alive if my previous OB checked me at my last appointment to see I was actually dialated and needed to stop working. WWPGAL do?

About the ultrasound thing, that sounds reasonable, I get it. In order to have insurance companies pay for them, they need a definite reason to do them...even if you are high risk. It would be tough, but I could swallow that.

As for the next paragraph, I would NOT be okay with that, especially if you asked! I wouldn't drop him cold turkey necessarily, but for the next appointment, I would have a list of questions ready before hand...I mean literally written down so that you can just run down the list. YOUR insurance company is paying for that visit, whether he gives you the information of not, so you are going to have to speak up to him the first moment that he dismisses you, and hey, if it really bothers you, tell him right then and there that you feel like you, your baby, and your concerns are being dismissed and that you as a patient do not deserve to be treated that way. You are not unreasonable at all in any of yoru requests!

(((hugs))) I hope you get want you want out of your next appointment, and if he doesn't meet your expectations, then yes, look around to see if another OB would take you on at this point.

StephK86 · July 2011

HadleyS:
StephK86:

I used to get monthly ultrasounds and he always took his time with answering anything I had to ask. A few months ago he said we would stop the u/s's because everything was going well.
He never tells me my sons heartrate even when I ask, he doesn't tell me how much weight I have gained or what I should be gaining, we don't talk about kick counts, he doesn't tell me what I am measuring, he doesn't tell me anything for that matter. I would like to start seeing the other dr's in the practice to see how they operate but am afraid he will think I am going behind his back. My Gavin could still be alive if my previous OB checked me at my last appointment to see I was actually dialated and needed to stop working. WWPGAL do?
About the ultrasound thing, that sounds reasonable, I get it. In order to have insurance companies pay for them, they need a definite reason to do them...even if you are high risk. It would be tough, but I could swallow that.
As for the next paragraph, I would NOT be okay with that, especially if you asked! I wouldn't drop him cold turkey necessarily, but for the next appointment, I would have a list of questions ready before hand...I mean literally written down so that you can just run down the list. YOUR insurance company is paying for that visit, whether he gives you the information of not, so you are going to have to speak up to him the first moment that he dismisses you, and hey, if it really bothers you, tell him right then and there that you feel like you, your baby, and your concerns are being dismissed and that you as a patient do not deserve to be treated that way. You are not unreasonable at all in any of yoru requests!
(((hugs))) I hope you get want you want out of your next appointment, and if he doesn't meet your expectations, then yes, look around to see if another OB would take you on at this point.

Those are pretty much my thoughts exactly. I work for medical billing though so I know how things get paid and due to being high risk my insurance company has assigned me my own advocate/rn. She has informed me they received my high risk forms and would pay for any u/s. I am fine now that I can feel him kick but towards the end I want a couple to check baby's position and size.

I wrote out a list last time and tried to go over it. That's part of why I cried I am suffering from crazy anxiety to the point I don't want to get out of bed and I just wanted to talk to him. He has one more chance if he can't listen I have to find someone new.

HadleyS · July 2011

StephK86:
HadleyS:
StephK86:

I used to get monthly ultrasounds and he always took his time with answering anything I had to ask. A few months ago he said we would stop the u/s's because everything was going well.

He never tells me my sons heartrate even when I ask, he doesn't tell me how much weight I have gained or what I should be gaining, we don't talk about kick counts, he doesn't tell me what I am measuring, he doesn't tell me anything for that matter. I would like to start seeing the other dr's in the practice to see how they operate but am afraid he will think I am going behind his back. My Gavin could still be alive if my previous OB checked me at my last appointment to see I was actually dialated and needed to stop working. WWPGAL do?

About the ultrasound thing, that sounds reasonable, I get it. In order to have insurance companies pay for them, they need a definite reason to do them...even if you are high risk. It would be tough, but I could swallow that.

As for the next paragraph, I would NOT be okay with that, especially if you asked! I wouldn't drop him cold turkey necessarily, but for the next appointment, I would have a list of questions ready before hand...I mean literally written down so that you can just run down the list. YOUR insurance company is paying for that visit, whether he gives you the information of not, so you are going to have to speak up to him the first moment that he dismisses you, and hey, if it really bothers you, tell him right then and there that you feel like you, your baby, and your concerns are being dismissed and that you as a patient do not deserve to be treated that way. You are not unreasonable at all in any of yoru requests!

(((hugs))) I hope you get want you want out of your next appointment, and if he doesn't meet your expectations, then yes, look around to see if another OB would take you on at this point.

Those are pretty much my thoughts exactly. I work for medical billing though so I know how things get paid and due to being high risk my insurance company has assigned me my own advocate/rn. She has informed me they received my high risk forms and would pay for any u/s. I am fine now that I can feel him kick but towards the end I want a couple to check baby's position and size.

I wrote out a list last time and tried to go over it. That's part of why I cried I am suffering from crazy anxiety to the point I don't want to get out of bed and I just wanted to talk to him. He has one more chance if he can't listen I have to find someone new.

Good for you, Steph....stick with your instincts! I am glad that you have a plan in place. You are already a great momma to Gavin and his growing little brother. I bet he is looking over you with a big smile, as proud as ever.

fightingravity · July 2011

StephK86:
HadleyS:
StephK86:

I used to get monthly ultrasounds and he always took his time with answering anything I had to ask. A few months ago he said we would stop the u/s's because everything was going well.
He never tells me my sons heartrate even when I ask, he doesn't tell me how much weight I have gained or what I should be gaining, we don't talk about kick counts, he doesn't tell me what I am measuring, he doesn't tell me anything for that matter. I would like to start seeing the other dr's in the practice to see how they operate but am afraid he will think I am going behind his back. My Gavin could still be alive if my previous OB checked me at my last appointment to see I was actually dialated and needed to stop working. WWPGAL do?
About the ultrasound thing, that sounds reasonable, I get it. In order to have insurance companies pay for them, they need a definite reason to do them...even if you are high risk. It would be tough, but I could swallow that.
As for the next paragraph, I would NOT be okay with that, especially if you asked! I wouldn't drop him cold turkey necessarily, but for the next appointment, I would have a list of questions ready before hand...I mean literally written down so that you can just run down the list. YOUR insurance company is paying for that visit, whether he gives you the information of not, so you are going to have to speak up to him the first moment that he dismisses you, and hey, if it really bothers you, tell him right then and there that you feel like you, your baby, and your concerns are being dismissed and that you as a patient do not deserve to be treated that way. You are not unreasonable at all in any of yoru requests!
(((hugs))) I hope you get want you want out of your next appointment, and if he doesn't meet your expectations, then yes, look around to see if another OB would take you on at this point.

Those are pretty much my thoughts exactly. I work for medical billing though so I know how things get paid and due to being high risk my insurance company has assigned me my own advocate/rn. She has informed me they received my high risk forms and would pay for any u/s. I am fine now that I can feel him kick but towards the end I want a couple to check baby's position and size.
I wrote out a list last time and tried to go over it. That's part of why I cried I am suffering from crazy anxiety to the point I don't want to get out of bed and I just wanted to talk to him. He has one more chance if he can't listen I have to find someone new.

It sounds like you are really struggling. Some degree of anxiety and depression are normal when PgAL but you don't have to go through this alone.

Are you willing to consider talking to a therapist? Whether or not you choose to go back on antidepressants (avoid benzodiazepines during pg no matter what, I think I remember you saying you were on xanax?), it can help a lot to have regular therapy sessions with someone you trust.

To find someone good, you can ask your PCP for a referral or ask friends. Therapy isn't cheap; if the cost is a problem, there should be people in your area who take your insurance, or most major metropolitan areas have graduate schools or other training clinics where you can see someone for a very low fee.

Re: your OB, I'd have a very direct conversation with him and if he did not address all of my concerns, I'd switch, especially since you are high risk.

Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon!

StephK86 · July 2011

Figtinggravity- Pre pregnancy I did take xanex at night to sleep but also an antidepressant. I would never take a benzo while pregnant or even with a small child. I agree with seeing a therapist. My PCP has already recommended one for me that I am going to call. I appreciate all you had to say.

Thanks again ladies. I hope Gavin is proud of me, I try to make him proud.

Help! My OB is starting to slip..

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