CD1

choirgirl · July 2011

I'm at the dealership getting my oil changed and they are of course remodeling their nice lobby, and there's no wireless where I'm crammed for the next 90 minutes, so this is from my phone. AF is here. Not bright red yet, but here. All other bodily signs agree. So, now I'm waiting for the re nurse to call me back while I'm crammed in here with humanity. That will be fun. In good news, my femara will only be $13 this month. Don't want to think about the menopur and Viagra and hCG, they'll be over 500, maybe 1000. Oh guys, how did I get here? How on earth do i find a way to relax through this month, our last one? How do I put this in the hands of the universe when we are doing so much intervention?

smacb · July 2011

I'm sorry. Have you tried acupuncture?

choirgirl · July 2011

I've been doing acupuncture since October :-(

jenmaz · July 2011

I'm so sorry. Hang in there. Hugs.

JMay · July 2011

Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry.

As for how to relax, well, I'll share what helped me. It might not sound reassuring, but the more I think about it, the more it is:

You are not in control. Getting pregnant is ultimately not up to you.

That might sound negative, but when taken in the spiritual sense that it's meant, it's actually a positive thing. You are doing everything you can possibly do to enable a pregnancy. You are doing a GREAT job. Beyond that, it's up to the Universe. Getting stressed isn't going to help, temping isn't going to help, Dr. Googling isn't going to help. (Following Dr's orders though, that will help!) But when it comes down to it, you either will get pregnant again, or you won't. Either way, YOU WILL BE OK. That's the biggest part, after realizing the limitations of your control; knowing that you will be ok, no matter what the outcome.

You're probably not thrilled with me for saying this, but I really care about you as if we were friends IRL, and this is exactly what I'd say to a IRL friend. I wish you all the best Sweetie, and I'm so sorry this month wasn't it. (((BIG HUGS)))

sgrobste · July 2011

I'm sorry, BIG ((HUGS))

choirgirl · July 2011

Oh Jenna, that's really what I keep needing to remember. Thank you, so much. I wish we could be friends in real life. Thanks. I'll say more later, but my car is almost ready and I'm sitting here in the dealership waiting room crammed in between people, crying and typing on my phone. TTYL!

jennykg1477 · July 2011

I am so sorry that this wasn't the month for you!

I can only imagine how emotional it must be to go into your last month of TTC. I will be praying and hoping that this next month is the lucky month. I do agree with Jenna, it isn't up to you so you just have to do all you can and know tha tthe outcome will be whatever it will be. The thing that helps me at the end of the tww is to tell myself that I either am or am not, it has already been determined. Nothing I do at that point can change the outcome so I may as well just sit back and wait for the answer. It doesn't work all the time, but when I start to get worked up I try to think of that and it usually calms me down.

lillinzlou · July 2011

choirgirl:
Oh Jenna, that's really what I keep needing to remember.

Me too! I am having a lot of trouble giving the "control" over to the universe/God/whatever there is. Good luck next cycle. We'll all be rooting for you!

lena0210 · July 2011

i'm sorry, good luck next cycle.

SB524 · July 2011

Lots & lots of baby dust for you this next month!!

Twizzle · July 2011

I'm so sorry. I hope this next month and all the meds does it for you!

choirgirl · July 2011

Thanks, you guys! I've had a crazy weekend, so I'm happy to report that it's cd4 and I barely noticed except for my crazed driving yesterday to get to my u/s and b/w yesterday morning 30 minutes south of me and then get up to a rehearsal 60 minutes north of me, but 11:00!

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