Working Moms come in...

goalieamy24 · July 2011

I've been back to work 5 weeks now, and rather than getting easier, I feel like it's getting harder to leave LO in the morning. I just want to be home with him and near him all the time. When I am home I don't want people to come over, because I don't want to have to share my quality time with him. I get up a little earlier than necessary in the mornings in order to have some play time before work. It's anywhere from 6-7 till I'm home in the evenings, which means I get maybe 3 hours with him before he's asleep for the night. I find myself doing things that are best for me, not necessarily best for him in order to get to spend extra time with him. For example, I will feed him typically around 8:30/9:00 and he'll fall asleep after that. but rather than give him a bath before, I wait and bathe him later so that I can nurse him one more time at night. I just miss spending all the time with him. Unfortunately quitting work is not an option for us financially right now. I'm the family bread winner and I carry health insurance for the baby. How are you handling being back at work? Share your tips please!

SwissMs99 · July 2011

I'm starting to feel that same way too - especially if she wakes up before I leave for work at 7am. I've been back to work about the same time as you so maybe it's just a phase for us? I wish I could take my 12 weeks off now instead of earlier...Violet is always learning something new or making new faces or sounds. I don't have any tips but just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

alexia.jo · July 2011

I'm with you on that too - I hate him being played out by the time we come home at night from daycare.

Fortunately i am quitting by job and going to work at another job Monday thru Thursday!

shaindelr · July 2011

The 19th-early 20th Century writer Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote a story called "The Unnatural Mother" in which a character saves an entire town rather than her child. Gilman wrote this because in real life she left her child to be cared for by her ex-husband and his new wife and was scorned in the press for being an "unnatural mother" and "abandoning" her child. She was pretty much reviled by the entire American public during her lifetime. BUT what she was really doing was what was best for her child...and for all women who came after her. Including us.

She went on to become considered the 6th most influential woman in the 20th Century partially because she did this. She wrote a critique of the "rest cure" -- a treatment in which "nervous women" weren't allowed to think or do anything physical and were locked up to eat rare steak and red wine. (This was the treatment for post-partum depression in her time, until she wrote about it and got it changed.) She wrote the book Women and Economics in 1898 which was translated into 13 languages and said that the ecomony is built on the backs of women because if women of her time didn't stay at home with children, men couldn't work and make money.

Basically, maybe what you're doing is really important in the grand scheme of things. I'm happiest when I'm at work. I'm *me* when I'm at work. And at home, I'm happiest when I'm working at home. Right now, Liam's asleep on me, and I'm editing a book that I think is going to make a larger difference in the world than if I do tummy time or bath time with him today vs. if Jared does bath time or tummy time with him today.

The times I remember looking up to my mother, she was working on her book (she only wrote one) or working as editor of a newspaper. I think she should have done more of those things... I think she spent a lot of time trying to live vicariously through my siblings and me when she could have been working on things that made her happy, which would have made her a better mother (in my opinion).

LJF1218 · July 2011

shaindelr:
The 19th-early 20th Century writer Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote a story called "The Unnatural Mother" in which a character saves an entire town rather than her child. Gilman wrote this because in real life she left her child to be cared for by her ex-husband and his new wife and was scorned in the press for being an "unnatural mother" and "abandoning" her child. She was pretty much reviled by the entire American public during her lifetime. BUT what she was really doing was what was best for her child...and for all women who came after her. Including us.

She went on to become considered the 6th most influential woman in the 20th Century partially because she did this. She wrote a critique of the "rest cure" -- a treatment in which "nervous women" weren't allowed to think or do anything physical and were locked up to eat rare steak and red wine. (This was the treatment for post-partum depression in her time, until she wrote about it and got it changed.) She wrote the book Women and Economics in 1898 which was translated into 13 languages and said that the ecomony is built on the backs of women because if women of her time didn't stay at home with children, men couldn't work and make money.

Basically, maybe what you're doing is really important in the grand scheme of things. I'm happiest when I'm at work. I'm *me* when I'm at work. And at home, I'm happiest when I'm working at home. Right now, Liam's asleep on me, and I'm editing a book that I think is going to make a larger difference in the world than if I do tummy time or bath time with him today vs. if Jared does bath time or tummy time with him today.

The times I remember looking up to my mother, she was working on her book (she only wrote one) or working as editor of a newspaper. I think she should have done more of those things... I think she spent a lot of time trying to live vicariously through my siblings and me when she could have been working on things that made her happy, which would have made her a better mother (in my opinion).

I've heard many times, from many people, Happy Mommy = Happy Baby. It's too bad society didn't always feel that way, even as recently as when your mom was a young mother. I think it's true, though. I've sacrificed much for my child, but I make sure to have some "me" time. I also enjoy going to work. I'm a better mom and more interactive with Barrett when I've gotten a break from being mommy. I'm in awe of SAHMs!

shaindelr · July 2011

LJF1218:
shaindelr:

The 19th-early 20th Century writer Charlotte Perkins Gilman wrote a story called "The Unnatural Mother" in which a character saves an entire town rather than her child. Gilman wrote this because in real life she left her child to be cared for by her ex-husband and his new wife and was scorned in the press for being an "unnatural mother" and "abandoning" her child. She was pretty much reviled by the entire American public during her lifetime. BUT what she was really doing was what was best for her child...and for all women who came after her. Including us.

She went on to become considered the 6th most influential woman in the 20th Century partially because she did this. She wrote a critique of the "rest cure" -- a treatment in which "nervous women" weren't allowed to think or do anything physical and were locked up to eat rare steak and red wine. (This was the treatment for post-partum depression in her time, until she wrote about it and got it changed.) She wrote the book Women and Economics in 1898 which was translated into 13 languages and said that the ecomony is built on the backs of women because if women of her time didn't stay at home with children, men couldn't work and make money.

Basically, maybe what you're doing is really important in the grand scheme of things. I'm happiest when I'm at work. I'm *me* when I'm at work. And at home, I'm happiest when I'm working at home. Right now, Liam's asleep on me, and I'm editing a book that I think is going to make a larger difference in the world than if I do tummy time or bath time with him today vs. if Jared does bath time or tummy time with him today.

The times I remember looking up to my mother, she was working on her book (she only wrote one) or working as editor of a newspaper. I think she should have done more of those things... I think she spent a lot of time trying to live vicariously through my siblings and me when she could have been working on things that made her happy, which would have made her a better mother (in my opinion).

I've heard many times, from many people, Happy Mommy = Happy Baby. It's too bad society didn't always feel that way, even as recently as when your mom was a young mother. I think it's true, though. I've sacrificed much for my child, but I make sure to have some "me" time. I also enjoy going to work. I'm a better mom and more interactive with Barrett when I've gotten a break from being mommy. I'm in awe of SAHMs!

I guess my feeling is that (most) men aren't sitting around feeling guilty about being "working dads," so we shouldn't, either. It's sad that society still continues to put unfair pressures on women.

MissLadyTay · July 2011

I'm jealous you get so much awake time with your baby boy! My son wakes up an hour before we leave for work - so I get that time, most of which is spent running around getting us all ready to leave for the day. And at night I get home at 6, and he goes down at 7:30 or 8 for the night. So I get at MOST 2 hours with him. Crying It is really hard.

I just keep telling myself that his day care providers take great care of him (honestly, they play with him and do more interactive stuff with him than I did on maternity leave - they're great) and I'm doing MUCH more for him by working than I could do by staying home. Like you, we need my salary. So I try to look long term (paying for his college education, for example) and realize that he really is better off with this situation. I just have to try to remember that I must do what is best for HIM, not what makes me happiest.

I know it's hard. Hugs.

MaggieB0406 · July 2011

I understand what you mean. I've been back to work a little longer and it feels more routine-y now. I think that women who want to work shouldn't feel guilty but it's still hard for us who don't have a choice. I think it's a life of sacrifice and give and take. I'm coming to the realization that no matter how badly I want to stay home I can't. But working could mean that maybe I can send my kids to a Catholic school like I want to. And you sacrifice but you're able to have health insurance and you just need to remind yourself of that because that's a big deal. It's hard to work and raise a family and you should be proud of yourself even for doing it this long. Think about this too, what if you didn't have your job? What would you lose? I know it's difficult but being thankful you have a job sometimes helps me.

MaggieB0406 · July 2011

Also who watches your LO? My mom watches DD and sends pics and updates. It helps because I don't feel so disconnected is that an option? Even if it's a daycare maybe you can befriend one of the workers to sneak pic text you!

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