i resent my old ob for giving me this complex (a rant and a couple ?s)

manbearpig31610 · July 2011

In hindsight, my c/s was clearly unnecessary. I don't think anyone would debate that, but that's a long story for another day. I've gotten over the physical, mental and emotional anguish it has caused me. I've even gotten over the sense of failure and depression I felt for many months as a result. The one thing I can't seem to shake is the self-doubt. As many OBs do, my dr excused my unnecessary csection by saying my baby was "just too big for me to birth vaginally." When I pointed out that she really wasn't that big (8lb 2.7oz) he told me "your pelvis is just too small and at least now you know, for next time." Rationally, I know this is not true. I'm not a petite person. My bone structure is slightly larger than average and I have ample hips. It makes no sense. Even if I were significantly smaller, I don't think there's any validity to his excuse. Our bodies are made to do this and are capable of amazing things during childbirth. Rationally, I know this but I get emotional and start to think what if he's right? It sucks that well over a year after the trauma, I'm still questioning my body's ability to do this. Since my DD's birth I've been planning for a vbac but at the beginning of this pregnancy I was strongly leaning toward just scheduling a rcs, for fear of failure. It was my current ob's reassurance that I am "a wonderful vbac cantidate," and they (all 3 obs at the practice) "highly expect that I will be successful with my vbac," that gave me the push and the confidence to move forward with my plans to vbac. I KNOW I can do this but from time to time the negative thoughts creep back in and I start to think what if I can't? Is anyone else struggeling to shake negative thoughts/feelings? I think I need to take a good natural childbirth class. Perhaps it will help me to realize just how capable my body is of doing this and the additional preperation can never hurt. I've heard great things about hypnobabies but would like to do more research to see exactly what they're about. Can anyone make any recommendations for this or any other method?

JaysonandKristin · July 2011

It's very appropriate that you bring up Hypnobabies... the philosophy is STAUNCH regarding positivity. It's really easy to get caught up in the negativity of what one person says and ignore the positive from the majority. It advises that you shut down anybody willing to tell you about their birth experience as anything less than confident and calm.

You are absolutely right, your body was meant to do this. And, while your OP says that you are over this, I don't think that you really are. I think that if you were truly at peace with the past then you'd have less of a problem letting go of the old OB's opinion. I am a firm believer in positive affirmations.

Definitely look into the Yahoo! group for Hypnobabies. Introduce yourself on the forum and ask, ask, ask!! Talk to women about their experiences, read birth stories...

FWIW, I don't see VBAC as an opportunity to fix or make-up for what I missed out on with my first delivery (sched'd cs). I don't feel robbed or cheated or lied to... I can say that it's not ALL due to the Hypnobabies or Hypnobirthing practice that I've done, but it CERTAINLY helps. Attitude!! It's everything, IMHO.

I really hope that you succeed in your VBAC endeavor. Stay positive!!

Brownie_222 · July 2011

Dang it, I hate discouraging comments like that. BUT, you have a supportive provider this time who believes in you. You can do this! I know it is super hard, but I second pp about trying to start a new chapter with only positive affirmations about your body, pregnancy and birth. I had to really surround myself with lots of supportive people to push through doubt. Are you in touch with ICAN? As for classes, a lot of people really like hypnobabies. I am going to a six week class starting next week, so can't tell you how I feel about it yet. The natural birth board fields this question a lot, though, so maybe ask there too? Whatever method you select, feeling prepared and part of a network of moms hoping for the same outcome is very empowering. In processing my first birth, I eventually put my OB away mentally. I just don't think about her, good or bad. I'm in the now, but it was a really hard process to get "here." Hugs, dear. You can do this!

nosoup4u · July 2011

Yep, I went thru almost the same thoughts when I was pg with DS2. My mw was great about supporting me and telling me not to worry, which did help, but worrying that I would have another c-section was constant for me.Look into Birthing From Within, it's a book, but there are also classes taught by certified instructors, too. There might be some near you. And I second looking up your local ICAN group.

iris427 · July 2011

I went through the same thing. My old OB also told me I had a c/s because my pelvis was too small and that I wasn't a candidate for VBAC. It really ate at my confidence and made me feel defective.

I learned what I could about CPD, optimal fetal positioning and how to labor and push in ways to open up the pelvis and best promote a vaginal birth. I found a supportive doctor and a great doula and they reassured me when I was feeling self-doubt. I took a good natural birth course that my doula taught and that helped too.

In the end I VBAC'd a baby that was a little bit larger than my first!

Oh and this is a great link to boost your confidence:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFVkDV45MM

novilise · July 2011

The way I look at it, it's always good to be a bit open-minded in either direction.

What I mean is: you believe that you can VBAC this time and there is probably a reason for that. You probably can. But, it is possible that some people can't. Our bodies do fail us sometimes...for so many different reasons and variations. I think of it like eyesight- it fails some people, maybe not all the way, but it can make it difficult.

So, you could definitely be one that has no problems VBACing this time. Or, you could try and truly have a pickeir pelvis that is difficult to work with! But the odds of the latter are less, I think.

I would do what others have shared...I think that will make your chances even greater. And do find someone who supports you the way you prefer.

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i resent my old ob for giving me this complex (a rant and a couple ?s)

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