Ugh Having a hard time with this...

Ang&Garrett · July 2011

A young (21) girl who works at my DH's job is pregnant. DH and I have become like a big brother and sister to her. She doesn't have supportive parents and her boyfriend is young (20) and stupid. We were the only people besides her boyfriend that she told. She is a sweet girl but not at all responsible. She does not feel at all ready to be a mom and I can totally understand why. I talked to her about adoption and all of the many people out there who want to be parents and can't. She said that would be too hard to know someone else had her baby and she would want to keep the baby. So tomorrow she is terminating the pregnancy. My heart is broken for her, for the baby that has no say (flame away I don't care) and for her boyfriend who even though he is stupid wants to keep the baby. It's an all around sad situation for me to see. This won't change the way I feel about her, I love her like a little sis. But I know this is something that will always be with her and I'm sad she is having to live this out

pkw · July 2011

I think that even though you are having a hard time with her decision you are being a good "sister" because you are supporting her. I think this shows just how good of a person you are to her to be able to disagree with her but still support her and be there for her through this hard time in her life.

I think it is beautiful how you are able to get beyond your feelings to the degree that you are able to recognize her pain and feel for her that she is in this position.

If nothing else, feel strength and peace with your own ability to be a good and loving friend/sister to someone who needs you.

StefandTodd · July 2011

Such a tough thing for someone to have to go through. I'm glad she has you guys to talk to and lean on and get support from through this very difficult time.

Mrs.BoomBoom · July 2011

This breaks my heart! You explained that with modern adoption she could pick the parents and still have a relationship with the baby/child (although not a parent relationship)?

At least she knows enough that she's too selfish to parent!

kittylove · July 2011

I am sorry that is such a hard thing to watch someone go through. My thoughts are with her as she makes this choice and lives with it for the rest of her life. You are being a good friend and sister by education her on all her options and then letting her chose, even if you don't agree with that choice.

Mrs_Shmoopie · July 2011

I'm so sorry, A. It must be hard to see someone you care about make such difficult choices --especially ones you morally don't agree with. I agree w/pp -she's very, very lucky to have people like you and your DH in her life who will stand by her through this time.

hersheykiss · July 2011

I understand why your heart aches, mine hurts too just hearing about it. As a birthmother I would be more than happy to talk to her if she would like to hear someone's story. I will PM you my phone number and she is welcome to call me anytime.

mythreesons03 · July 2011

I think any choice in that situation must be so hard, I am glad she has someone to talk to. You have given her the best information you can, and are being there for her and that is most likely what she needs the most.

EmmieB · July 2011

PKW:
I think that even though you are having a hard time with her decision you are being a good "sister" because you are supporting her. I think this shows just how good of a person you are to her to be able to disagree with her but still support her and be there for her through this hard time in her life.
I think it is beautiful how you are able to get beyond your feelings to the degree that you are able to recognize her pain and feel for her that she is in this position.
If nothing else, feel strength and peace with your own ability to be a good and loving friend/sister to someone who needs you.

pretty much this, exactly.

KellyMRocks · July 2011

PKW:
I think that even though you are having a hard time with her decision you are being a good "sister" because you are supporting her. I think this shows just how good of a person you are to her to be able to disagree with her but still support her and be there for her through this hard time in her life.
I think it is beautiful how you are able to get beyond your feelings to the degree that you are able to recognize her pain and feel for her that she is in this position.
If nothing else, feel strength and peace with your own ability to be a good and loving friend/sister to someone who needs you.

Perfectly said.

KellyMRocks · July 2011

PKW:
I think that even though you are having a hard time with her decision you are being a good "sister" because you are supporting her. I think this shows just how good of a person you are to her to be able to disagree with her but still support her and be there for her through this hard time in her life.
I think it is beautiful how you are able to get beyond your feelings to the degree that you are able to recognize her pain and feel for her that she is in this position.
If nothing else, feel strength and peace with your own ability to be a good and loving friend/sister to someone who needs you.

Perfectly said.

HisMrs07 · July 2011

I guess if she has made her decision, than you are doing whats best by being there for her. What a tough thing to be a part of You really are a great person to be there to help her through this.

Ang&Garrett · July 2011

hersheykiss:
I understand why your heart aches, mine hurts too just hearing about it. As a birthmother I would be more than happy to talk to her if she would like to hear someone's story. I will PM you my phone number and she is welcome to call me anytime.

Thank you for the offer. I am sure her mind is 100% made at this point though. I gave her some contact information for another friend at my church and she opted not to talk with her. I don't want to cross the line and be pushy with her because it's her choice. But thank you for being willing to share with her!

SweetieP · July 2011

I'm so sorry. I'm sad too. What a crummy situation.

You are an amazing friend and sister!

soon2Bkranz · July 2011

I assume most will know where I stand on this...

But do you think she will regret this later? If so then I think you really need to talk to her about that. Honestly I dont know how given her rationale she wont regret it at some point...

Also if you/she wanted to I would talk to her...but she may not care what a adoptive mommy has to say...But the truth is a mothers love is amazing and she may well be surprised at how that level of love can help you do whats best for somebody else even if its hardest for you.

But I can hook her up with birthmoms to talk to about that as a option. Or even people that opted to parent in less than ideal situations.

I am sure she could find others content with their choice to abort...but personally I would never be able to lead somebody that way...(flame away)

And its seemed to me like you arent in favor of this choice...so I wanted to do my best to offer you support. You are in a really awful situation

amberfernandez · July 2011

Coming from another adoptive mommy, you are doing what you should be doing, supporting your friend during an incredibly difficult time in her life.

Of course I would love other couples who cannot conceive feel the joy we felt adopting our DD, but the truth of the matter is that your friend has to do what she can live with. And regardless of whether you agree with her decision or not, she's going to need somebody to be there to help her deal with her feelings after she goes through with her choice.

You've been a great friend, and discussed her options, but in the end, she just needs your love.

SarahCee · July 2011

Like pp's said, it's wonderful that you are still there for her despite how you feel about it. At least she has enough sense to know that she is not prepared to be a mother. Big hugs.

soon2Bkranz · July 2011

I did want to clarify that my thoughts are not because of the ways adoption has touched my life. I felt this way before ever even trying to have children. One of my best essays ever was my thoughts on abortion...

I will think of you all tomorrow and I want you to know that I promise not to pass judgement on you when/if you need to come here to vent/cry/release. I just had to speak my heart...

everydayeve · July 2011

Thinking of your friend today and feeling thankful that she has someone as supportive as you and G in her life.

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