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Parenting after 35
Vent - working mom
Hi ladies -
I don't post here often but do spend some time lurking and enjoy reading many of your posts. I felt the need to post to let off a bit of steam!
Why do my co-workers feel the need to ask me why I am not going to cut back my hours at work after DD #2 arrives? Many are suprised when I tell them I am coming back full time.
Really, it is none of their business that my husband and I made lots of stupid financial decisions prior to getting married and therefore it isn't in the cards for me to cut back on my hours at work. Not to mention my employer pays for my health insurance and that of my dependents - just another reason to keep working in my opinion!
Nor is it any of their business that shortly after the birth of DD #1 I discovered that it is easier for me to go to work everyday than it is for me to stay at home. Don't get me wrong, trying to juggle being the primary caretaker for my DD, taking care of our home and working full time isn't easy, but I could not stay home full time, my brain would turn to mush and I think I am a better mom because I work!
And finally, it isn't any of their business that even with our debt that we are working hard to pay off, my salary allows us to travel to Maui twice a year, and generally allows my family a very nice lifestyle that I don't want to give up! The trips to Maui twice a year after spending most of it in our Seattle rain and clouds are worth it!
Ok, vent over. Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent - working mom
Parenting and pregnancy are two topics that people lose their filter and seem to think its appropriate to give unsolicited advice. You don't have to justify your lifestyle to anyone but you, your DH and DD. If working is what it takes for you to be happy and a better mom, then that's all you need to worry about.
It has taken me years to come up with snappy comebacks and the confidence to let people's opinions slide off me. It really does help to stop worrying about what other's think (I know, easier said than done. It takes practice). My best moment at work was when I was asked if we were going to try for another after S. I turned to said offender and said, sure, if you foot the bill. And I'll make sure that you're the first to know if we ever have unprotected sex again. All said in a completely straight face to this person who is used to getting the gossip, got nothing and was embarrassed all in the same moment. I didn't get asked again!
I guess it depends on your work environment...do you work with a bunch of old busy-bodies?
Because that's what it sounds like!
I know there was a lot of speculation at my company about whether or not I would return to work, even though I told everyone I was coming back. It wasn't until I told them we had secured a nanny that people really believed it.
I work with very few women and all but two are working moms. So I definitely didn't have to offer any explanations to them. There were likely some people who were surprised at my return because they know DH is a lawyer, so they assume that he makes big bucks and I don't have to work. But like you, we have some financial responsibilities to take care of; I carry the health insurance for DS and myself; and I don't necessarily see myself as a SAHM. Truth be told, I'd rather be working part-time, but that's not an option right now.
You could just tell people, "I enjoy my job and can't imagine not seeing you every day!" HA! Maybe that will give them something to think about!
We don't have debt or mortgage and could be comfortable if I stayed home, but I am still working FT at this point. (Why I am doing this is a different topic.) It is easy at my work though - you can't cut back on hours. It is either FT or nothing. So after I told them I am coming back - they believed me and didn't ask any further questions.
In your situation, people may bother your with questions for now, but after you come back they will obviously stop. When I was preg. with J. H and I were not officially married yet, so people asked me all the time when I am getting married. They assumed I had to do it before the baby is born. I was a little annoyed, but eventually they stopped asking. (When J. was 2 we did get married.)
Like a PP said, it seems like as soon as you become pregnant people lose any filter they might have had, and they will ask you & judge about everything & anything.
People automatically assumed I was going to quit work & be a SAHM?no idea where they got that impression. Really, as soon as you say you?re pregnant in my office, co-workers assume you aren?t coming back. And the looks of pity I would get when I said LO would be going into daycare eventually?SIGH. And then there were the people that would actually tell me that I can?t put LO in daycare & I should really think about it. Really?
I?ll never forget the co-irker who heard through the grapevine that I was pregnant. Her way of asking me? ?You?re not pregnant, are you?? Told her I was. ?Oh. Well I guess this is your only one, right?? And then the people who feel the need to ask if your BF or FF?why do they need to know?
Some people just say some things that are out of line. After I gave birth I did become a SAHM and I received some inappropriate comments. Some people see no boundaries with their comments.