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Attachment Parenting
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
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Am I Doing the Right Thing?
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
DS is taking swim lessons. He used to love them, but lately not so much. The last two classes, he started to say "done" 10 min into the lesson. When he said done, I handed him to DH (out of the pool), but I stayed in the water, laughing and splashing with BIL and my nephew. A few minutes later, we asked if he wanted back in. When his feet hit the water, he said "no no no" so I let him sit out the rest of the lesson. The swim instructor seemed peeved that I didn't make him stay in the pool. My thinking was that if I forced him, he may develop a distaste - or even phobia - of the water. I want it to be a fun experience and want him to feel in control, meaning he can end it when he wants. I do eventually want him to go back to doing full lessons but I'm willing to be patient. I didn't get out with him and when he cried for me, DH said, "Mommy is in the pool. Do you want to swim with Mommy?" instead of me getting out. We want him to learn that his choices affect him and he cannot expect others to change what they're doing for him. WDYT of the choices I made? Was letting him out right? Was me staying in right? He's 15 mo, BTW.
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Re: Am I Doing the Right Thing?
It sounds reasonable to me, and you're showing him that just because he's done swimming, you aren't going to stop having fun because he's finished. If I were the instructor I'd be more pissed if a mom was forcing her screaming kid to stay in the water than if she let him out.
Sorry guy, not every kid is going to be completely enthralled by your lesson.
Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
I think you are doing the right thing.
Our swim instructors always seemed miffed that I wouldn't push DS1 harder. For toddlers, I just don't see the need to do anything more than what they want. When DS1 was 3, he started approaching any water, he had never made enough progress in the years of swimming to make me feel comfortable and I needed him to be water safe (if he showed an overall aversion, I wouldn't have been as forceful, but since he was water curious, and we have a pool, he needed to be water safe), so I enrolled him in pretty much a swimming boot camp for 2 weeks. After that I was comfortable he could swim if he had to (go under, come up, swim to the side, etc.) and I didn't make him do any more than he wanted. This summer he turned 5 and he has fully embraced going under, jumping in, etc. So he is pretty much a fish now and loves the pool. If we pushed him more early on maybe he would have been swimming like a fish sooner, idk, but his pace was fine with me and maybe pushing him sooner would have led to a fear of the water, idk.
Trying for #2 since July 2010
BFP 8/1/10, missed m/c, D&C 9/15/10.
BFP 1/8/11, chemical pregnancy.
BFP 3/4/11, measured behind all along, no more HB 4/18/11. D&C 4/29/11. HCG didn't drop, Repeat D&C 6/17/11; confirmed molar pregnancy 6/23/11.
Forced break, including two Hysteroscopies in October to remove retained tissue.
BFP 12/29/11! Betas @ 10 dpo = 85, 14 dpo= 498, 22 dpo = 7242
Heard HB 1/24/12. 144 bpm!
Luca Rose born 9/9/12! More than worth the wait!
At his age I think your approach is perfect. I wouldn't worry about the coach.
agreed! and my kid is 2.5 and we still deal with this issue, even in a baby gym class that she's been going to for 2 years... she doesn't want to wait for the cirlce time to end, she just wants to play. i dont think the teachers really want my screaming hysterical kid being forced to sit down, it would ruin the time for all the other kids! so i hold her slightly behind the circle and encourage her to participate, but explain she cannot play on the toys until circle time is over.
it's a thin line to walk sometimes with encouraging them to participate while also not interrupting everyone's class with your tantruming kid.
A friend of mine is going through the same thing right now (my daughter is too young for any kind of lessons lol). Her son loved swimming at first, but after a month wanted to go to his lessons less and less. She didn't push it, and now (after about another month) is back to loving swimming. *shrug*
I think hobbies are things kids shouldn't be pushed into continuing, at least not at such a young age. Maybe when they are old enough to understand that when you make a commitment you should do your best to see it through- but that's something I think comes muuuuch later in life.
Plus, it's like you said, you're paying. The instructor shouldn't be too upset- he's making money, but has one less pupil to watch over, sounds like a sweet setup to me tbh.
Aquarian Mommmy Blog
Like PPs have said, I think you're doing the right thing. We're doing swim lessons with DS also right now. Our instructor told us that the goal was to expose the water and to hopefully help the kiddos like the water and have fun, while encouraging/introducing some safety at the same time. We've pushed a little with going under, "jumping in", etc. Luckily DS has loved most of it. But if he hadn't, I wouldn't push him or make him stay in the water.
FWIW, I do the same thing at meals. We struggle at meals to get DS to eat. When he's finished, I let him be finished, but I'm usually still trying to finish my meal, so I tell him "I understand you're finished eating, but mommy still has to eat her dinner/lunch/etc" and then I continue to eat. It works better some times than others. But, I want him to learn that meals are family time and that it's rude to just get up whenever you're finished if others are still eating. Now if I can just teach DH the same thing.....