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Two Under 2
Go_Dawgs
member
2u2 with both parents working?
Go_Dawgs
member
in Two Under 2
Are there any full time working moms (married to full time working dads) here with two under two? Can you share your experience? How stressful is it, especially if you don't have loads of hired help?
I posted a couple of weeks ago about our son's birth mom contacting us and telling us she is pregnant again. She wants us to adopt this baby, and is due in October. Our son will be 17 months when the baby is born.
We still haven't made up our minds. Our first concern is the cost of childcare, but it looks like we might be able to swing a part time nanny instead of a full time center like we use now. However, I'm really worried about the stress of having 2u2 since both of us work. We also aren't going to be able to afford to hire help as far as someone to clean or help around the house - at least not for a while.
Would we be insane to take this on with both of us working full time? I just want to do what is best for our family, and I don't want to create such a stressful situation that everyone is unhappy.
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Re: 2u2 with both parents working?
I don't have a suggestions. About 60% of my income would be covering daycare, so I am not going back to work - I am a SAHM. I didn't want to work just to pay for someone else to watch my kids.
But, I am going to be watching my niece starting in November for a bit of $$.
I don't have 2 under 2 yet... but we will in December. It certainly wasn't planned this way, but we see it as a blessing and will just make it through. My biggest fear is bed time with the 2 (DH will probably be working 1-10 and I will be doing 7-3 to minimize the time my mom has the kids). But the way I see it is, I get DS#1 in bed first, deal with LO#2 after.
I've already started adjusting my schedule now to making sure I run errands/grocery shop etc when DH is home because I know I won't be able to do it with 2!
My theory.. tons of people handle 2 under 2 and survive... so can I!
I have a friend who has 5 kids under 7 and both her and her spouse work full time.
Is it going to be hard in the early months? Absolutely. It will probably be a few months of a learning curve before you get a really good routine down pat.
However, I doubt that you will regret having adopted your 2nd child. As they get older and more self sufficient, it gets easier.
I think if you choose adoption, you will not regret your decision at all. But best wishes with whatever you decide is right for your family.
I don't work full-time, only very part-time. But after 10 months of 2u2, I would have to say that the extra child doesn't add any more stress to working than just one does. If you can swing the cost of childcare and you enjoy your job, then it will be ok. An extra child doesn't really get in the way of house cleaning or anything that.... not to the point you couldn't work if you wanted to.
2u2 is its own version of insanity, working or staying home. Come join the fun!
my girls are 14 months apart.
we both work full time.
we have a nanny that watches them 3x per week (10 hours per day)
my mother & mil watch them on mon & fri.
it's a bit hectic at times- but worth it for us. i'm not cut out to SAH. i would go insane.
look at the birds | bless this food
We both work FT. Financially, it is stressful but we are adjusting to a new and improved budget, lol. Plus, I basically work to pay for daycare so it's not like we would be any better off if I stayed at home with the kids (and I need this time out of the house every day).
In terms of housework, forget about it. I'm sure we could make room in the budget to pay for a housekeeper every two weeks or weekly but we would rather not... we do as much as we can but it is a pure mess. It's just one of those things you have to let go, lol. And we just have to think about how someday we might be able to keep a spotless, clutter-free house.
In terms of sanity, each day gets a little better. But it is a BIG adjustment. It is very stressful on our marriage because we rarely have time when it's just the two of us. We have to really work at it. We only recently started getting DS back to a good bedtime routine so that leaves us with some time at night together. That has been LOVELY. And I can usually nurse DD to sleep in our bed but not always. However, she is easy right now anyway.
Of course, I don't think it's insane to take on 2U2 when you both work FT.
It just takes time to get a good routine going and yes, it can be extremely stressful but we just keep telling ourselves, "This too shall pass." It gets easier slowly but surely.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
It's stressful, but manageable. My work is pretty flexible if I need to work from home on a day one of the kids has a doctor appointment or when they are sick. I also work 9 hours/9 days per pay period so that I get every other Friday off.
Our DC is very affordable - $175/week for both, and she provides food and formula - so it's not a huge impact on our income.
Honestly, and please don't anyone flame me for this because this is my opinion on my personal situation, but I think I'd be more stressed out (personally and financially) if I stayed home with 2u2. It's a lot of work to take care of a young, busy toddler and an infant.
My two will be 19/20 months apart and both of us will continue to work full-time. I do have the advantage of being in Canada so I get a 1 year maternity leave.
I have no interest in being a full-time stay at home mom, so even though my income goes largely to daycare, we're OK with that since it's what keep me sane, my son is very happy at daycare and it's been working really well for us so far. I work about 37 hours a week and have a 1 hour commute each way once I factor in the daycare drop off/pickup and DH works about 40-70 hours a week depending on how much work they have, and commutes 1.5 hours each way 3x/week then at home 2x/week.
We leave most laundry to the weekend with the occasional mid-week load. Dishwasher gets unloaded/loaded/run every morning. Grocery shopping is on the weekend or on my way home from daycare with DS for fresh fruits/veggies. DH cleans the bathroom every Wednesday. General tidying happens every night after DS goes to bed.
Obviously things will be difference once we have 2, and it took us a while to get in to this current rhythm but I trust that we'll find our groove again once we have 2 in childcare are we're both back to work full-time - though like I said, since I'm in Canada this will be when DS is 2.5 and LO#2 is 1 year old.
Stressful but manageable is a good way to put it. Our girls are 12 months apart (plus a 5 year old) and we both work full time - the kids are in daycare.
The house is generally a mess. Dinners aren't as creative as they once were. The minor house projects have fallen by the wayside.
But, my house is busy, happy, and bursting with love. I wouldn't trade it for the world!
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
It is certainly doable. I dont even really find it that stressful.
The early days were a little harder because I had to get up really early to make sure I had time to get ready and had to stay up late getting everything ready for the next day. But even during those times, it never felt like something I couldnt do. My biggest advice would be to prepare as much the night before as possible. I make lunches, pick out and iron clothes (for me and the kids), made bottles, clean up, do the dishes, pick up toys, etc. So when they were still babies I was pretty much on the go from 4:45am until about 10pm when I went to bed. Not a lot of "me time." But again, I knew it was a phase and it wouldnt always be that way. And I never felt stressed about it.
Now things are a breeze. My kids are in bed by 8pm and usually sleep until about 6:45-7am in the mornings. So once I get them to bed I still iron and clean and make lunches, but I am able to sit down and relax for an hour or so before bed. (I also try and get as much done at night during the week so I can enjoy my weekends with the kids and once they are in bed I can relax and spend time with DH).
Honestly, I love the way things are. I think you can find ways to make it work.
My LOs are 15.5 months apart. I'm on maternity leave until January. At that point DH and I will both be working full time. Childcare will cost about 1/3 of my salary. We need the other 2/3, so we have to make it work. We don't have the help of a cleaning service, lawn service, or anything similar.
I agree that working hard to establish a schedule with your LOs and doing everything you possibly can the night before really helps.
Our kids are 17m apart and we both work full time. This was not planned for us at all, and I was very overwhelmed when I first found out. It was really difficult for the first 6-8 months or so, but has gotten much easier over time and I love the bond my kids have already-- so sweet to see. At 10 months, "the worst" is over and we're having so much fun as a family now.
I honestly think it was easier on my DD having her brother when we did. I think she would have been a lot more jealous and unhappy if he had come when she was older, nothing we could have worked through, but there was really zero jealousy at all (which was a big fear for me).
If you were planning on having more children, I would definitely do it, provided you could swing it financially.
We are not there yet but are expecting our 2nd in Oct - they will be 17 months apart. I work 35 hours/week and H works 50-60. We have a nanny and adding the 2nd kid does not add too much expense (not nearly double like a center) so you may want to look into that. We share with another family so there will be 3 kids now instead of 2. Now when there are 2 kids, our nanny does lots around the house to help - laundry, dishes, organizing, etc. We do have a cleaning person every 2 weeks which helps us greatly. If you do decide to have the 2nd child, you might want to look into a nanny who would also do some things around the house for you too.
Obviously, I can't say how hard all of this is going to be with a 2nd but we feel like we have things lined up to make it work. I agree with the previous poster who said you most likely will not regret adopting your 2nd child if you decide to do it.
I haven't read the other responses, but I remember your story, and I hope you get to adopt the new baby!
My boys are 2 years apart exactly, and both my husband and I work FT. We actually work opposite schedules, so he has the boys during the day and goes to work around 3:30 when I get home. It's stressful and crazy, sure, but totally worth it! We'll probably have at least one more baby, too.
My cousin/BFF has 2 boys 17 months apart and both she and her DH work full-time. It can definitely be done!
Do it! You'll never regret having your son's bio sibling as your 2nd child, but years down the line you might regret NOT having done this.
Both of us working FT with 2u2 was too much for my family. I found working FT with two to be much different from doing it with one. After a month or so back at work, I asked to go part-time, so now I work three days a week. Getting everyone ready and out the door was challenging, but evenings were the worst. DH was miserable after a long commute with a crying baby, since he took DD2 to MIL's. I took DD1 to and from daycare and had to deal with her crying while hurriedly tried to pump before DH and DD2 got home. I was getting up at 5 AM and sometimes not getting to bed until midnight or 1 AM, with pumping, prepping for daycare, taking care of the kids, etc. It was too hard and too miserable for all of us.
Now, I work Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, and MIL (who now watches both kids since it's just three days a week) says they are both much happier on Thursdays than they used to be. I have more time to keep up with cleaning and the kids and I have time for fun activities. Me working PT was the best solution for my family.
Agreed 100%!! My DD and DS are 19 months apart. It's tough, the kids are both in DC and DH and I both work full time. My schedule is not flexible, I work 3 12 hour shifts a week so the kids are in DC on those days. DH works 8-10 hour days 5 days a week. It's busy, very busy. The house is clean but messy. We clean once a week and try to pick up a little nightly. Messy as in toys are every where but kids live here!
Dinners aren't creative but they are generally healthy and there's a meat and veggie and carb... not exciting but decent.
We have NO hired help except the DC center where the kids go. No nanny, no housekeeper... it's doable and so worth it!
It's nice to read all these responses.
DD will be 18 months old when the new baby is born in January. My husband and I both work full time. I may be able to swing 1-2 days off a week next year but otherwise we have a great babysitter/nanny. We both need to work and I figure it's going to be hectic and busy at first but worth it in the end!
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com