"growing pains" what has happened to my sweet 6yo..
MesmrEwe
member
O.k. I understand my daughter is a headstrong child (tell her "no" she's going to do it anyway - within reason of course) and this is a constant thing, happens at school and home... But mealtime has never been an issue for us. All of a sudden she has turned from a girl who understands that Mom isn't a short order cook, what's for a meal is what is for a meal. Lately, she is picky about EVERY meal. She wants to "go somewhere like McArby's" or in other words, doesn't want to eat home food. Granted, we don't go out to McDonald's or Arby's or wherever very often unless/only if she's earned it (if she's good in church, we'll go somewhere, but I'm pretty tough on behavior in order for her to earn it so it ends up being a couple times a month)... Granted, she only gets apple dippers and chocolate milk anyway when we do go, so it's not as if it's a complete "junk" meal in the first place. When she realizes that she she's not going to a fast food joint to eat, it doesn't matter what I make for her to eat, it's suddenly a "no go"... I could make mac 'n cheese and it'd be subject to whines about how she doesn't want to eat it... At breakfast "I don't want cereal, I want toast", etc...
Any ideas on holding the course easier to get her to realize "not happen'n" when it comes to mealtimes. Ugh - I realize we're getting ready to have a sibbling for her, and it's rebellion against the fact that we're expecting her to step up to be the big sister, but trying to maintain power and stamina is tough when you're outright exhausted. I won't even get into the fact that the place is an absolute mess and we just can't have the house this cluttered with a LO...
Re: "growing pains" what has happened to my sweet 6yo..
A lot of parents give choices for bfast and lunch and then serve whatever everyone else is eating for dinner, with at least one things served that you know she likes. If the pickiness is new and she's always been a good eater, I would try this approach. When she picks something (within reason) then that is what she gets, no changing her mind once it's on the table. If she doesn't want it, let her go play and when she says she's hungry, re-offer her meal. If she fusses, just remind her that she chose it and she can choose something else again at lunch. Then walk away and let her decide what she wants to do for herself. Don't give her too much attention re: food. Maybe start a reward system for dining out so that she can see how she's progressing. We do a jar with marbles, you can use a sticker chart too.
ETA: FWIW, I have a really strong willed DC too. I pick my battles carefully, but not being a short order cook is one that I do fight. I've found it to be really helpful to just not engage in a battle of the wills over these things. I remind DS of the rules and then tell him it's not up for discussion. If he misses a meal, he usually eats well at the next one. Last night he didn't eat dinner until 9 pm b/c he was in a bad mood. As long as he wasn't at the table making us all miserable while we ate, I didn't really care.
I bet she's testing the boundaries. I'd do what shouldbworkin suggests.
And start enforcing table manners. Picky eating doesn't bother me as much as inpolite behavior. For my DD, if she doesn't like a meal, she may have tomato soup. But only if she politely asks (and if she's never had a food, she must try it before asking).
I get the "no short order" way of thinking but it wouldn't work for our family. So we pick the table manners as our battle.
Well, on one hand, it's pretty normal for kids to go through a rebellious stage around the time they turn 7. My sister, who is an elementary art teacher, has had to remind me of this with both my kids. My DS, who is normally an easy-going, laid back kid, has been really testing the limits for the past few months.
However, you write many things in your post that give me the impression that you've given your "sweet 6 y/o" a lot more power than is appropriate:
-- "tell her no and she does it anyway (within reason)." Do you realize that this means SHE is the one who decides whether rules are worth obeying or not? What this means is that sometimes you tell her no and she defies you. And when that happens, you don't push back. Instead, you justify it to yourself as "within reason." If it was "within reason" why did you tell her 'no' in the first place?
-- at age 6 needs a bribe to behave in church. By age 6, kids can understand that you behave in church/school because you're expected to and because that's what big kids DO, not so that you can a fast food meal on the way home.
-- "having a sibling for her." Perhaps you unintentionally worded this in a weird manner, but the concept of bringing a baby into the world FOR an older sibling is a real problem.
-- "place is an absolute mess." I know it's hard to keep up with household chores when you're working, pregnant, etc. But your 6 y/o is certainly old enough to take responsibility for her part of the mess and help you out a little. Don't make this all about "when the baby comes" though.
--pushing the boundaries about what she'll eat. By this age, most kids are settling down and becoming less picky, not ramping up their defiant behavior at meals.
My recommendations:
--Food: Make what you make and put it down in front of her. If she eats it, great. If she doesn't eat it, that's her business. Don't offer any more food until the next meal. If she goes on a rant about how she'd rather have fast food, say, "Well, that's not on the menu for tonight, sorry." Then, IGNORE her! You don't have to explain your reasons, justify your decisions, or try to soothe her in any way.
--Behavior in School/Church: Start a reward system. Each day of good behavior in school or church = a point/ticket/sticker/whatever. Don't use food or toys as rewards. Use privileges instead. 3 stickers = she gets to choose her favorite meal for you to cook the next night for dinner. 5 stickers = special activity with mom (you'll play a game with her, paint her toenails, etc.) 20 stickers = a Saturday morning outing of her choice. The value of the reward doesn't have to be high, so don't feel you have to bring out big material gifts to get her to behave. If you keep the value of the rewards pretty low, it puts the emphasis where it should be: on the good feeling of pride kids have when they behave well.
--Helping Around The House: Make her a "to do" list for each morning (if you're at home) or afternoon (if you're at work/daycare). Make the items really do-able at first. Here are some types of chores I give my 6 y/o on his daily "to do" list: put away all stuffed animals in bedroom and playroom, tidy up all wii and ds games and controllers, swiffer bathroom floors, empty bedroom/bathroom trashcans, dust living room. At the end of the "to do" list, I always put a fun item that he really wants to do, like "play on legoland.com." He can't do the fun item until the other items are completed. He groans every time I make him a "to do" list, but he does it!
HTH! Be consistent and stick with it!