Babysitter issue

chicsub · July 2011

There always has to be something with a babysitter, right?

Today I went to put the kids in the car to drop DS off for PDO and noticed our passenger seat was pushed all the way back so I wasn't able to put the baby's seat in. Yesterday I had the sitter take my car and DS to an indoor jump place and obviously she picked somebody else up. I tried to pry it out of DS, but I couldn't figure it out. Thinking maybe it was her boyfriend?

Earlier this week her mom tagged along to see Winnie the Pooh with sitter and my DS, but she asked over the weekend and I had no issue with it.

I *think* my problem is that she didn't ask and it seems to bug me more b/c it was in my car vs. hers for some reason. On the other hand I want to make sure it's my only issue before bringing it up to her. I'm definitely going to say something, but not sure if I'm just bothered by her not asking or by the fact that her BF might be with her. I do trust that DS is safe with her and he loves her, so that's not the problem.

I understand that there are different levels of mommy paranoia out there, but I'm welcoming input anyways.

WWYD?

JessesGirl&MackenziesMom · July 2011

I would feel differently about the mother vs. the boyfriend. I see the mother as helpful & probably interested in caring for DS and the boyfriend as a distraction. However, these are sweeping generalizations and it could very well be the other way around. I have some questions- Have you met the mother and the boyfriend? How old is your babysitter? Could your sitter have thought that your conversation about the Winnie the Pooh situation was a blanket approval for her mom to tag along to any of your DS's activities?

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · July 2011

I'd be more bothered by the fact that she didn't say something before doing it. Maybe just bring up to her that you noticed the seat was moved, and while you don't mind occasionally someone else being around (use her mom as an example maybe?) that she needs to mention it to you for the ok first.

chicsub · July 2011

I haven't met either one of them, but agree that I feel like the BF would be more of a distraction while her mother just gets a kick out of DS. I almost feel like I'd like to meet the BF even though I don't feel the same way about her mom. How do I even ask this? She's 22 and really great with the kids and will be student teaching at a high school next month, so I feel like she's otherwise a very responsible girl. This is where my forensic psychology background is not helpful though b/c it makes my head spin with possibilities!

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · July 2011

Do you even know for sure it was her boyfriend? From your op, you said you couldn't get out of ds who it was so you could be jumping to worst case scenario.

chicsub · July 2011

EveryNameIWantIsTaken:
Do you even know for sure it was her boyfriend? From your op, you said you couldn't get out of ds who it was so you could be jumping to worst case scenario.

Nope. I don't consider it a worst-case scenario if it was, but the seat was in a way that DH and his friends put it back (like they need to take a frickin nap) so that was the first place my head went and I was totally guessing. Then I realized that I just didn't like not knowing where my car and DS had been and who else was there. I hate having to second-guess people, you know?

The_Jen626 · July 2011

You could invite the babysitter and her bf over for dinner, just "to get to know you better".

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · July 2011

chicsub:
EveryNameIWantIsTaken:
Do you even know for sure it was her boyfriend? From your op, you said you couldn't get out of ds who it was so you could be jumping to worst case scenario.
Nope. I don't consider it a worst-case scenario if it was, but the seat was in a way that DH and his friends put it back (like they need to take a frickin nap) so that was the first place my head went and I was totally guessing. Then I realized that I just didn't like not knowing where my car and DS had been and who else was there. I hate having to second-guess people, you know?

Yep, I totally get not wanting to second guess people. My best advice would be just to talk to her and find out what was going on then instead of now knowing because that can be very hard. I know my mind jumps to conclusions if I don't know.

HarrietNJMommy · July 2011

I would talk to her about it and see what she says. It could be a simple explanation and you're overreacting. If, after you talk to her, you still have an uneasy feeling, then it's time to let her go and to find someone else.

Also, have you gone over this type of scenario with her? Sometimes with babysitters, you need to be VERY clear with the rules, otherwise, they use their own judgement on what they think is "ok" and it may not be "ok" with you........

chicsub · July 2011

Harriet, I haven't gone over the scenarios, but obviously I will need to. She has been asking me or texting me every little thing up until now (stopping at the store for her mom, she asked first but said it would obviously be fine if she went after working). Maybe she figured b/c I didn't mind in all those situations that it would be fine?

To pp (sorry, I started replying and forgot your SN), we don't have family any closer than 2 hours away. I don't have her take the baby places, but now that DS is older it's great to have somebody else to help out. Like I said, I understand there are different levels of mommy paranoia. I don't mind her taking him places, but still don't feel comfortable having anybody but family do bedtime with both the kids, especially the baby.

HarrietNJMommy · July 2011

chicsub:
Harriet, I haven't gone over the scenarios, but obviously I will need to. She has been asking me or texting me every little thing up until now (stopping at the store for her mom, she asked first but said it would obviously be fine if she went after working). Maybe she figured b/c I didn't mind in all those situations that it would be fine?
To pp (sorry, I started replying and forgot your SN), we don't have family any closer than 2 hours away. I don't have her take the baby places, but now that DS is older it's great to have somebody else to help out. Like I said, I understand there are different levels of mommy paranoia. I don't mind her taking him places, but still don't feel comfortable having anybody but family do bedtime with both the kids, especially the baby.

It's so hard. I know because I use babysitters and don't have family around to help me at all. So, it took me a LONG time to trust any babysitter. My DD#2 was around 2 years old before we found our current babysitters.

GL! Hopefully it works out for you!

ryry1977 · July 2011

I would just be upset that she didn't ask. I can see the BF having a ton of fun with a little one, bouncing around at that place with him playing. Not asking was wrong though. She should of said something.

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