XP: Child Spacing Question

je2161 · July 2011

This is a XPost from Babies: 0-3months.

How old was your first LO when you gave birth to #2? Or if you only have one baby, how far apart would you like your LO's to be?

DH and I are trying to decide how far apart we would like our children to be. DD is now 2 months old. I always thought I might TTC #2 when DD is around 1 year old. I'm curious to hear how far apart your LO's are. And what are the benefits of having them close in age vs far apart? TIA

Traycee1242 · July 2011

DS will have just turned 2 one month before DD gets here. 2 years was what we wanted the space to be...

For us (and I think this is one of those "to each their own" kind of things) I wanted a good chunk of quality time with my DS before bringing another baby into the home... but didn't want to wait too long so it would be a huge adjustment for him.

happyhoopla · July 2011

It took us so long to have our DD, so the whole concept of having a baby at a specific desired time is completely foreign to me. Stick out tongue

We would welcome a second baby anytime.

CalinsBride · July 2011

Our DS will be 27 months when LO2 is born. We had planned on having our children 4 years apart.

I think it will be nice for them that they are so close in age, but it may challenge my sanity lol. It'll be good when they are older, though, for when we are planning activities and trips, because they will be able to do the same types of things. It'll also be nice that they can play together and occupy one another, and that we can get the diapers and not-sleeping phases out of the way all at once.

But yeah, we planned on having them 4 years apart, mainly for financial reasons, and so that each child would have good one on one time with me at home. DS had me at home to himself for two years, and we wanted him to be in kindergarten when the next LO was born so LO2 could have that one on one time as well while DS was at school.

RootBeerFloat · July 2011

My kids are just shy of 3 years apart (34 months), which I would consider neither close together nor far apart. We anticipated having them 2-3 years apart; once we understood the reality of having a child, the thought of another was daunting, so we didn't even contemplate TTC until DS was almost 2!

DS was almost potty trained and past that toddler stage of not communicating and getting into everything, which was helpful. They are close enough in age to play together, especially is DD gets older and more active, but this also means that they bicker over toys and our attention.

DandelionMom · July 2011

My older two are 3 years apart and the youngest is 2.5 years younger than my middle.

I like the 3 year age gap better. Older DD was so independent by 3. She didn't need help with getting dressed, she could play by herself for a bit, she was out of diapers. And the girls have always been able to play together nicely.

LouiseB2001 · July 2011

We are still not exactly sure if we want another one but my age unfortunately sets space limits. I was 8 and 9 years older than my brothers and found this to be a really good space, however they are too close in age in my opinion (they fought like crazy and never really got a good relationship before they grew up). I think I would like to have 3 years between my own kids but not sure if I have the courage to wait that long, my age considered.

KelliLynee · July 2011

In a perfect world, two years apart. Read my siggy & you'll see how well that worked out. I STRONGLY regret waiting to TTC for the "right" time. We have no control over it. When you know you want more & can afford it, go for it. There are so many more factors to siblings closeness than just age.

webMistress0609 · July 2011

We were loosely planning on a 2-3 year age gap & have recently decided to TTC starting in Aug. or Sept. Ari has been pretty high needs, so I'm glad he'll be 3 when we do have another - I think 2u2 would've been too hard.

KateLouise · July 2011

Our LOs will be pretty much exactly 2 years apart.

A lot of our TTC hinged around me having to work for at least 12 months to be allowed to take 12 months maternity leave.

So I took 12 months, worked for 3 o r 4 months before TTC and we got pregnant first month trying.

I don't think there is a perfect age gap. So much of it comes down to the needs/personalities of your kids which you can't predict and your own persoanlity and wants.

cheerleader.08 · July 2011

Mine are just a little over two years apart. I hate to say it, but it was a huge financial decision for us. I think if you are staying home, having them closer together makes more sense, so you can maximize time home with each before going back to work. But if you are a working mom, you might need a bigger age gap, so you don't have to pay the expensive rates for two kids. This is stuff we had to talk about. The economy tanked right after we had our first, so we had to address this.

Angela814 · July 2011

Mine are 4 years apart. We originally wanted to have them 2 years apart, but that didn't work out for a variety of reasons. Now if we have a #3, I'd like a 3-4 year age gap.

anna7602 · July 2011

I've never wanted kids super close in age. My siblings are 14, 13 and 9 years older than me. The ones who are only 18 months apart from each other have a terrible relationship and I have a great relationship with 2 of them, so I've never put much stock in the idea that the closer you are in age, the better you get along.

In the abstract, I used to think I wanted kids at least 3-4 years apart, maybe more. As DD got older, 3 years didn't feel right for us. 4 would be nice, but we are about to move out of the country for a year and it seems logical to wait until we get through the hectic few months ahead of us before committing to a major life decision. If we decide to wait to TTC until we return from our stint abroad, our kids would be at least 5 years apart, if not more. I'm okay with that. Family vacations and activities may be more challenging with kids with such a large age difference, but IMO that's a small price to pay if it means that DH and I will be in a better place to devote more time and energy to our children and each other than we can now.

LouiseB2001 · July 2011

KateLouise:
Our LOs will be pretty much exactly 2 years apart.
A lot of our TTC hinged around me having to work for at least 12 months to be allowed to take 12 months maternity leave.
So I took 12 months, worked for 3 o r 4 months before TTC and we got pregnant first month trying.
I don't think there is a perfect age gap. So much of it comes down to the needs/personalities of your kids which you can't predict and your own persoanlity and wants.

Didn't know you were pregnant KateLouise, congratulations!

shaindelr · July 2011

It takes me four years to accrue enough sick leave to treat it as a decent maternity leave at 100% pay. I don't know if we'll have an LO #2, but that would be a major deciding factor. And I'd like to figure out how to balance one and a career before I have another one. (And I have a career where most women don't have kids or have only one.)

And I'll be 38 then, which sounds like a reasonable age for me to have LO #2.

brideofaussie · July 2011

We can't afford two in daycare so yeah, about a minimum of 5 years difference.

I thought I would want another baby quickly but once DS hit around 18 mos. I realized I just thought that b/c he was an easy infant. As a toddler he's much more challenging and I cannot imaging having an infant to take care of on top of taking care of DS. That would be my personal hell.

BlindysWife · July 2011

Before I had kids, I was sure I would want to try for #2 when #1 was only a few months old. I must've been crazy! Now that we have LO#1, I realize I want my kids to be a couple years apart. I want Linus to be a little bit more capable of doing things, and understanding things, but also I don't want to rush the time that he has our complete attention. I want to enjoy his baby-hood, kwim? Also, we have to take finances into account when deciding when we'll go for #2. So, we will probably start TTC when he is 18-20 months old.

Soon2BMrsN · July 2011

CalinsBride:

Our DS will be 27 months when LO2 is born. We had planned on having our children 4 years apart.

I think it will be nice for them that they are so close in age, but it may challenge my sanity lol. It'll be good when they are older, though, for when we are planning activities and trips, because they will be able to do the same types of things. It'll also be nice that they can play together and occupy one another, and that we can get the diapers and not-sleeping phases out of the way all at once.

Wow, we are on the exact same page. They will be 27 months apart and we'd planned to have DS1 in school before having another.

But... it didn't work out that way!

Meg&Jesse · July 2011

Our "plan" is to ttc later this year, so likely a 4 year age gap. I guess before having DS I would have thought our kids would be closer in age. When DS hit 18 month-ish I couldn't believe how much work he was..in a wonderful way. He is full of energy and we do a lot with him. He keeps us busy all the time and I just couldn't imagine having another LO at the same time. Now that he is getting more and more independent every day I can see how another LO would work out great. Although I do have my days where I don't know that I want anymore kids!!

tct1219 · July 2011

I only have one child but if I were planning on more bio kids, I'd probably just be letting things happen when they want to since you never know how long it can take. Part of me wants to just do that since we won't be able to start the adoption process for at least another year from now and I want my first two children close together. Ideally they'd be about 12-18 months apart and then we'd wait 2+ years before the next one. It's hard because I would feel guilty if I had another bio child (not judging anyone, it's just the way I feel because I only planned to adopt) but I still don't want Bay to wait too long before having a sibling.

jamiedsgirl · July 2011

I just weaned two months ago, and I am not at all ready to go back to being pregnant/breastfeeding. We also went through a year-long, stressful renovation. I want to just enjoy life for awhile before moving onto the next project. I think I will start thinking about #2 when DS is over 2 years old.

SnoopyLuv · July 2011

it's going to depend on finances. I think we'd both like a 2-3 year gap but I am adamant that I want to stay home again for at least the first 6 months of a new baby's life, I so enjoyed my time being home. I'd like for Josie to be in pre-school so I can have some "alone time" with a new baby. I'd also like a nice gap where I'm not nursing.

drcolleen · July 2011

Ours will be 2 yr 9mo - my LMP was DD1's 2nd B-day. We stopped preventing a week before her 1st b-day, I got my first PP period when she was 16mo, regular but longer likely anovulatory cycles x2-3 followed by 2 miscarriages in a row, a normal ovulatory cycle, then this pregnancy. It was a rough year especially considering I got preg w/ DD1 the second ovulation trying- first was a miscarriage. I wasn't willing to wean DD1 to conceive and her weaning the week of her 2nd b-day (on her own, surprised me) was probably needed for a successful pregnancy for me but obviously not everyone and I have no evidence. Thinking about it, this timing is good, DD1 is very independent when we need her to be, potty training will be done and solid (fingers crossed), and she understands there is a baby in my belly so I think the transition will not be as hard as it would have been if she was younger. Every family is different however and as long as you know that the best of plans may go awry....

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