Is your husband really helping

heikem87 · July 2011

Just wondering because of DH being away I always think things would be so much better and easier if he was here. My mom was like: Dont get your hopes up, it wont make it easier.(Well of course you can say this if your husband was there, was what I thought) So I am just curious if your husbands are really a big help.

I am finally baby free for a little bit so I found some time for the bump again

scaneiki · July 2011

My DH really isn't helping much and I have two. He has yet to get up in the middle of the night and the only thing he does to get DD to stop crying is stick a paci in her mouth. He does give DS his bath every night and get him ready for bed, but I do most of the cooking, all of the cleaning, and 90% of the diaper changes. I am looking forward to going back to work on Monday for the break I'll get!

Raquellyo · July 2011

Haha, I was just telling my husband that I can't wait to go back to work so I can get some sleep! I had mentioned to him that he should do the 2am or 6am feeding and he says "I will when you go back to work" and I said "but, I am up all day and all night NOW!"

Other than that, he is usually very helpful. He takes her out on walks so I can get stuff done around the house, sometimes does diapers and feedings when he gets home from work and usually takes her at the end of the night and does her last feeding so I can go to bed early (since I will be up at 1 or 2 to feed her). We try to trade off -- one feeds her while the other cooks dinner/cleans up/etc.

I do notice that he doesn't seem to "bond" as much with her. When he's feeding her, he's got her propped up on his legs and is flipping channels while she is staring at him -- and then I yell at him to look at her and smile or something, lol. But still, I do get some relief when he gets home, and I'll take it!

kristennd · July 2011

DH does as much as I do, so I wouldn't call it helping. That implies it's primarily my job and he pitches in. We work opposite shifts (I'm already back at work) so he's frequently home alone with LO for 8+ hours at a time. You can't just 'help' in those circumstances.

sparkymcgeee · July 2011

DH does help. In fact he's pretty much a SAHD. When I'm home I do most of the work but I don't mind so much because I don't get to spend as much as I would like with her. The weekends sometimes get to me though and just this past Saturday I snapped at him that he could be helping me.

AshBow171 · July 2011

He is a huge help with non baby related tasks. He does dishes, takes out trash, scoops cat litter, mows the lawn, etc.

He will change diapers and entertain DD when I ask him to. I am not working and I EBF so it's just easier for me to get up in the middle of the night with her. He isn't as patient when she starts crying and always freaks out that he "doesn't know what to do."

What I really meant to say is... could I do it without DH? Yes. Am I glad I don't have to? YES.

MommyHarrison · July 2011

MIne is, for the most part.

He works and I'm a SAHM and BFing, so I'm on my own with nighttime duty, which isn't so fun because DD isn't a great sleeper at all. He does help at night on the weekends or will get up early for work every now and then to help me out with her if I'm really frustrated from a long night of no sleep. But when he gets home from work, the first thing he does is take her and play with her. She still hates hanging out on her own in her swing or bouner or anything, so he keeps her while I make dinner, does at least half the diaper changes in the evenings and on the weekends... yeah, when he's home, it's pretty much 50/50.

atlb · July 2011

Hellz no. MH is NO help. A week after I had the girls, I was readmitted to the hospital for complications and he was alone with the babies for a total of 20 minutes before I had to call my mom to go help him. He has not once cared for them on his own. When I take my 5 year old to dance, gymnastics and swim, I also take the babies with me. He doesn't even know how to give Camille a bottle (though she is really picky, and he CAN feed Elizabeth). Honestly, my 5 year old is WAY more help than my husband is.

However, it suits me just fine because on the rare occassion that he helps, he doesn't do it right anyway. Also, I will say that he does things with my older daughter a few times a week, so that's helpful in some ways.

Lisa Frank · July 2011

Like a pp said, it's not helping as we are equal partners. We both do equal shares of most everything and we both try and help each other out as much as possible.

I honestly don't understand how some of you deal with such inactive husbands/fathers. I SMH when I read what I do on these boards, because that schit would not fly in this house. Since when is a marriage not a partnership?? And an equal one at that??

Lisa Frank · July 2011

atlb685:
Hellz no. MH is NO help. A week after I had the girls, I was readmitted to the hospital for complications and he was alone with the babies for a total of 20 minutes before I had to call my mom to go help him. He has not once cared for them on his own. When I take my 5 year old to dance, gymnastics and swim, I also take the babies with me. He doesn't even know how to give Camille a bottle (though she is really picky, and he CAN feed Elizabeth). Honestly, my 5 year old is WAY more help than my husband is.

However, it suits me just fine because on the rare occassion that he helps, he doesn't do it right anyway. Also, I will say that he does things with my older daughter a few times a week, so that's helpful in some ways.

Are you f'ing kidding me?? I feel bad for you.

ToBeMrsC6907 · July 2011

My DH is about as involved as a Dad can be. I EBF so he's no help there, although she will take a bottle of pumped milk for him no problem if I leave to go run errands, work out, etc. That being said he is really good about letting me have "my time" when he is home and not at work. He encourages me to see my friends, get out of the house, go for a run/walk, get my hair/nails done, etc. I think he knows if I don't, it's not pretty LOL- I get stressed and take it out on him! He also does 90% of our cooking, most of the shopping, and pitches in with cleaning though I do most of it and the laundry. He's also really good about changing diapers and taking care of DS, as well as taking him to do fun things when I'm camped out nursing all day. I do get up during the night every time with DD so he can get some rest for work the next day. One awesome thing he does is puts the coffee on before he leaves for work so when I get up it is ready for me! Love that! But as far as feeding, soothing, dressing, bathing, etc- it's pretty much all me.

munsterdani · July 2011

Raquellyo:

Haha, I was just telling my husband that I can't wait to go back to work so I can get some sleep! I had mentioned to him that he should do the 2am or 6am feeding and he says "I will when you go back to work" and I said "but, I am up all day and all night NOW!"

Other than that, he is usually very helpful. He takes her out on walks so I can get stuff done around the house, sometimes does diapers and feedings when he gets home from work and usually takes her at the end of the night and does her last feeding so I can go to bed early (since I will be up at 1 or 2 to feed her). We try to trade off -- one feeds her while the other cooks dinner/cleans up/etc.

I do notice that he doesn't seem to "bond" as much with her. When he's feeding her, he's got her propped up on his legs and is flipping channels while she is staring at him -- and then I yell at him to look at her and smile or something, lol. But still, I do get some relief when he gets home, and I'll take it!

This is my DH exactly and it makes me so mad! I'm like, "honey! look at him, talk to him, pay attention to him..." It's nice to have the help, though. And honestly that is about the extent of the help I get at this point. I have noticed he is more involved now that LO is more interactive so hopefully he will continue to be more involved as LO gets more and more interactive. Here's hoping!

atlb · July 2011

Lisa Frank:
atlb685:

Hellz no. MH is NO help. A week after I had the girls, I was readmitted to the hospital for complications and he was alone with the babies for a total of 20 minutes before I had to call my mom to go help him. He has not once cared for them on his own. When I take my 5 year old to dance, gymnastics and swim, I also take the babies with me. He doesn't even know how to give Camille a bottle (though she is really picky, and he CAN feed Elizabeth). Honestly, my 5 year old is WAY more help than my husband is.

However, it suits me just fine because on the rare occassion that he helps, he doesn't do it right anyway. Also, I will say that he does things with my older daughter a few times a week, so that's helpful in some ways.

Are you f'ing kidding me?? I feel bad for you.

Sadly, I'm not kidding. He does play with the girls and loves to talk to them, etc, but when it comes to the "dirty work" he pretty much stays out of it. At first it really bothered me, but now that I have gotten used to taking care of 2 babies at once, I kind of prefer to do it on my own. However, I did wake his ass up at 5AM this morning because I just started back at work and I was going to be late if he didnt get up and help me get ready.

tlxh7 · July 2011

DH does a lot around the house (laundry, dishes, basic cleaning), but not a ton with Lila. Mostly because I have to feed her, and it's much easier for me to get her to sleep if she's cranky. I know that he needs practice getting her to sleep, so we usually let him try for a little while before I step in if needed. I definitely don't think I could do it without him here - the house would be a pigsty, and I doubt I'd have clean clothes.

mmkaye · July 2011

It is hit or miss with my dh. If I am here, he is pretty good with the baby and manages to take care of him pretty well on his own with a minimal amount of instructions from me (mainly me interpreting babies cries.) But when he has to take care of the baby on his own he spontaneously combusts and all hell breaks loose.

He helps out some around the house at times. He is pretty good about cooking. In other words, I could manage on my own and sometimes he gets me so mad on the days he is less than helpful and plays computer games all day that I wish he would go away. But I am mostly glad he is here because even if he doesn't help out nearly as much as he should, what he does do makes a big difference.

mizzmeg · July 2011

DH isn't helping, he's my other half. He can't do much since I EBF. At night now while I put her to sleep and feed her, he'll clean the house and do laundry or dishes. He may not be helpful with the baby but it is with everything else. I have to get up at night and feed her so he sleeps. There are some times I feel like he doesn't do much, and I let him know how I feel. After that we are okay. I wouldn't let him get away without helping. He would be dead or single!

heikem87 · July 2011

megbaby13:
DH isn't helping, he's my other half. He can't do much since I EBF. At night now while I put her to sleep and feed her, he'll clean the house and do laundry or dishes. He may not be helpful with the baby but it is with everything else. I have to get up at night and feed her so he sleeps. There are some times I feel like he doesn't do much, and I let him know how I feel. After that we are okay. I wouldn't let him get away without helping. He would be dead or single!

Lol at least you?re clear about that I am almost a little jealous when I hear you ladies Tongue Tied

lyndsaynicole · July 2011

My husband has been a lot of help (most of the time). I agree that with us it's more like a team-we both know that we're equally responsible. It ends up that I do more, but it's because I only work part time and DH works full time.

His schedule actually works out great for us. He's a police officer and he works nights (6p-6a). He will work like Monday/Tuesday and then be off Wednesday/Thursday-that sort of thing. And he's off every other weekend. It's nice because on days I work, LO goes to the baby sitter (because DH needs to sleep during the day). DH will get home from work at 6:30a, get LO up and fed and dressed and he takes him to the sitter and then comes home and goes to bed. Then I pick him up on my way home. When he's off, he still needs to stay up kind of late to keep on his schedule, so he takes care of some other things around the house while I'm sleeping. It definitely works out well most of the time, but there are days sometimes where I feel like I've done EVERYTHING and all I want is for him to take the baby for 30 minutes so I can cook dinner or something. But for the most part he's very helpful.

calm_angel_2003 · July 2011

DH gives him a bottle when he gets home and then on friday and saturday night he has to stay up with him because i work doubles on the weekend so after he gets home its already midnight and i have to be up at 5am so i dont get much sleep to begin with. other than that i do it. he rarely takes out the trash even when i ask him to. he tells me to get it ready so i do and then it sits there for a day and i get mad and take it out. Ive tried talking to him about it but it doesnt help. At least he helps alittle bit

Mrs.Saxy · July 2011

Lisa Frank:
Like a pp said, it's not helping as we are equal partners. We both do equal shares of most everything and we both try and help each other out as much as possible.
I honestly don't understand how some of you deal with such inactive husbands/fathers. I SMH when I read what I do on these boards, because that schit would not fly in this house. Since when is a marriage not a partnership?? And an equal one at that??

totally agree! same goes in my house.

nycdueinmay · July 2011

DH is awesome now that DD is more active and alert. He had a hard time with her, and dealing with me, when she was a needy newborn. Now he really enjoys being with her, even the dirty work, because she coos and talks and smiles at us. She STTN but wakes up at 6a every day when I get up and change and feed her, then back to sleep and is up again at 8 or 9a, when DH gets up, changes her and snuggles with her before bringing her to me. Otherwise, when he is here, he is involved. He was even upset last week because she started her night routine and he hadn't really had enough time with her because he had to work late. That was when he decided to take over bath time, so he tries to be the only bath giver.

He also deals with all the laundry (we drop off), I always say I will do the dishes but he usually ends up doing it, and we split dinner and food duty 65/35 me/him. I find EBFing and being a SAHM really physically draining right now and he knows that. I am really fortunate that he WANTS to help, I don't really have to ask. I do wish he would pick up on some of my cues sometimes and I wouldn't have to speak so directly, because then I feel like a nag.

2BlackCats · July 2011

DH and I both share the responsibility of caring for DD since day 1. He feeds her, changes her, plays with her and puts her to sleep/naps. When we are both home, we share the responsibilties together and divide up our day accordingly. It's really great because if I need to run an errand or get something done around the house, I can get it done and not have to worry about always dragging her out in the heat with me and DH loves the alone time with her.

Honestly, I couldn't imagine it any other way.

ETA: DH is the official bath giver, he is sooo much better and calmer at it than I am.

mizzmeg · July 2011

heikem87:
megbaby13:
DH isn't helping, he's my other half. He can't do much since I EBF. At night now while I put her to sleep and feed her, he'll clean the house and do laundry or dishes. He may not be helpful with the baby but it is with everything else. I have to get up at night and feed her so he sleeps. There are some times I feel like he doesn't do much, and I let him know how I feel. After that we are okay. I wouldn't let him get away without helping. He would be dead or single!
Lol at least you?re clear about that I am almost a little jealous when I hear you ladies

Well your military as well, so you know how it is to not have him home for certain periods of time. I am not looking forward to him leaving at all. Sad I don't know how I would hold up the house alone!

heikem87 · July 2011

megbaby13:
heikem87:
megbaby13:
DH isn't helping, he's my other half. He can't do much since I EBF. At night now while I put her to sleep and feed her, he'll clean the house and do laundry or dishes. He may not be helpful with the baby but it is with everything else. I have to get up at night and feed her so he sleeps. There are some times I feel like he doesn't do much, and I let him know how I feel. After that we are okay. I wouldn't let him get away without helping. He would be dead or single!
Lol at least you?re clear about that I am almost a little jealous when I hear you ladies
Well your military as well, so you know how it is to not have him home for certain periods of time. I am not looking forward to him leaving at all. I don't know how I would hold up the house alone!

Oh so your husband is leaving soon? So sorry to hear that but I guess we just have to appreciate the time we get with our husbands and the only thing that keeps me going sometimes is that I think my situation could always be worse.

EJChapman123 · July 2011

During certain times of the year (like July, for instance, grrr) DH is not much help during the week. He leaves at 9am and comes home at about 11pm, so he does nothing around the house other than take the trash and recycling out, and unfortunately he never even sees DD - so I am pretty much a single mom M-F for about 6 months of the year.

On weekends and when it isn't busytime at work, he is a huge help. I SAH so I obviously do the vast majority of the caretaking and housekeeping (though we have cleaning people, and they are amazing) - but when he is home we split Emma duties 50/50, maybe even more towards him since he misses her and likes caring for her. He also helps with cooking and takes care of the nighttime dishes, etc. He does as much as I ask him to, pretty much.

He is also a heck of a babysitter, and I get out with my friends for a couple hours once a week or sometimes once every two weeks.

I also do not understand some of the dynamics in some households and how unhelpful and interactive some DHs are, but every family is so different. That really would not fly here.

nes13 · July 2011

Nope and I could continue to say no in any language. He is even worse than the baby. His dad and step mom were helping just a couple of times at the beginning I would say and now he doesn't want them to help me he thinks I don't deserve help thats what he told me, so if your husbands are helping god bless them.

P.S. wish me good luck!!! I don't know either why my husband is so mean to me.

morganaday · July 2011

megbaby13:
DH isn't helping, he's my other half. He can't do much since I EBF. At night now while I put her to sleep and feed her, he'll clean the house and do laundry or dishes. He may not be helpful with the baby but it is with everything else. I have to get up at night and feed her so he sleeps. There are some times I feel like he doesn't do much, and I let him know how I feel. After that we are okay. I wouldn't let him get away without helping. He would be dead or single!

This pretty much sums it up!

NothingLikeBarbie · July 2011

I do most of the 'work' because I EBF and am a SAHM. My SO works early in the AM, so he can't get up in the middle of the night to feed him.
But when he comes home from work he plays with him, changes his diapers, etc.

Jram85 · July 2011

My husband isn't here right now, but when he was he was my knight in shining armor! He would do anything I asked without hesitation, offer to help, etc. In fact, I wrote a blog entry about his awesomeness just a week or so ago, lol https://bensenbaby.blogspot.com/2011/07/psa-ive-got-best-hubby-ever.html

I'm very lucky to have such an amazing husband and I can't wait until he's home again in winter!

ShanKB · July 2011

Ashbow171:
He is a huge help with non baby related tasks. He does dishes, takes out trash, scoops cat litter, mows the lawn, etc.
He will change diapers and entertain DD when I ask him to. I am not working and I EBF so it's just easier for me to get up in the middle of the night with her. He isn't as patient when she starts crying and always freaks out that he "doesn't know what to do."
What I really meant to say is... could I do it without DH? Yes. Am I glad I don't have to? YES.

t

ShanKB · July 2011

sorry for posting twice... anyway, i could have written the above qoute... exactly

flutepharm87 · July 2011

I can honestly say that I don't know what I would do without DH's help! He's up for every feeding with me while he's home and sometimes, he feeds both boys himself for me so I can get homework done or clean the house. He cleans bottles, mixes formula, plays with the boys, changes diapers, basically anything but baths. But he helps me get the boys ready for their baths and he dresses them afterwards. He is so involved in everything relating to the boys, it's been absolutely amazing! I had the boys by myself all weekend and it was so much harder to take care of them without DH.

oooCarrieB · July 2011

kristennd:
DH does as much as I do, so I wouldn't call it helping. That implies it's primarily my job and he pitches in. We work opposite shifts (I'm already back at work) so he's frequently home alone with LO for 8+ hours at a time. You can't just 'help' in those circumstances.

ditto.

mzsparklepdx · July 2011

DH is just as good with DD as I am. He feeds and changes her and quite often soothes her better than I do. I do everything at night though because he's been working and I just hang out with her all day. He hasn't given her a bath yet but I'm sure he would if I asked. As for the house, I do most of what little is getting done including dishes, laundry and sweeping. He does take out the trash, clean the cat box, mow the lawn and water the veggie garden.

I've been lucky to have him home all day, even if he was busy working at home, but I'll be mostly on my own soon when he goes back to full-time employment.

h2ojock13 · July 2011

DH doesn't really help much with the LO he plays with him occasionally and talks to him but I'm BF'ing and I do 99.9% of the diaper changes as well. I give LO bottles of BM at night thinking hey, DH could jump up and help one feeding but NOPE. When I return to work DH said he would take the night feedings but one day he mentioned that LO would be STTN by the time I go back. HA HA HA Buddy.. Good luck with that. If he doesn't help at night when I go back to work, I'll give him a piece of my mind and maybe shove a foot somewhere until he gets the picture. Stick out tongue

sugarangel77 · July 2011

Lisa Frank:
atlb685:
on the rare occassion that he helps, he doesn't do it right anyway.
Are you f'ing kidding me?? I feel bad for you.

this?.. mh cant even put lo shirt on right. its VERY annoying

tokenhoser · July 2011

Yeah, he really is.

My dad, on the other hand, I don't think ever changed a single diaper or even held us. So I can see how someone of an older generation would assume dads don't do anything. Thing is: times have changed. And for the better.

And to anyone that has uttered the words "he's not doing it right", shame on you. You deserve no help. If that kid isn't in danger, he's doing it right if I'm not doing it.

SFBayMrs · July 2011

Yep, he's a big help actually. I get mommy breaks in the evenings during the week and weekend mornings (I get to sleep in!). He does diaper changes, feeds him (DS is now FF), plays with him, rocks him, bounces, cleans bottles, gives him a bath with me (I have yet to try it on my own! lol) etc. It's great.

ETA: For clarity, I do much of the work b/c I am a SAHM. It'd be a different story if I had gone back to work, more of an equal split.

heysupnatalie · July 2011

I knew he did stuff but I didn't realize how much he did do until he started this new job where he is gone for a week at a time and I am here alone. I work 30 hours a week now and he's gone so it's been a little tough.

He does almost all of the cleaning, cooking and laundry because he knows I do dishes and cook at work and that I am always with the baby when I am home. Whenever I need a nap or a minute he usually takes the LO and lets me do whatever I need to do. I miss him now thats for sure, haha.

So to me yes he is a big help. At least when hes around I am able to get a real home cooked meal in. I swear Jack just feels like waking up when I am about to make something every single time so I never get to really eat. Tonight I had 2 things of string cheese. Woo dinnertime!!

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