Friends with excuses - Vent.

kelleighxnicole · July 2011

So last night we had two friends over for dinner, mutual friends of DH & I.

They live local to us, and know our children better than most friends we have do. We asked them what they were doing this morning, and if they'd mind sitting with both LO's for a few hours at best because DH had a court matter to take up today, and it was kind of important that I went along. As soon as we asked, the two of them exchanged glances as if rummaging through their minds to find every last excuse as to why they couldn't do it. Then they look back at as, both rambling off excuses at the same time "Oh uh, he might have to work tomorrow - he's gotta call his boss in the AM." "Oh, Abby has an eye appointment tomorrow.. at some point." (Abby's their daughter.) and so on and so on and so on. It's like, if you don't want to babysit, just say so. I don't think all the excuses are necessary.

So therefore, I didn't go with DH, DS won't take a bottle for anyone, so perhaps it was best I didn't go anyway. But still, it's the fact that two really good friends of ours couldn't be bothered to sit with the two of them for a little while.

JaysonandKristin · July 2011

It was extremely last minute, IMHO. I wouldn't have been upset with them in the slightest.

jgoo · July 2011

I understand what you're saying. It WAS last minute, but I think if you are that good of friends, then they could have just been honest.

My best friend has asked me to watch her little dude & if I can't or just find it too much, I'm just honest about it.

Finding any excuse in the book would bother me. Just say you can't.

2ktBride · July 2011

I completely understand how you feel when you need a friend to help out, especially when you think it's something simple. I enjoy watching my friends' kids and like to know I'm making their lives easier when I babysit. We do have one set of friends who's children are NOT well behaved and are constantly fussy. I cherish and value my free time and prefer not to watch their children as it's so much more work and a constant assault on my patience. I read from your post that your little one doesn't take a bottle from others which may worry your friends. I'd work on having others feed them so that it's easier for friends to help out and doesn't upset your baby. After all, you want your children to enjoy others as well! Big Smile

Best of luck!

howleyshell · July 2011

I don't get this.

My kids are my responsibility and I don't want anyone watching them who doesn't truly want to.

You made them uncomfortable by putting them on the spot like that and they responded as politely as they could under the circumstances.

I wouldn't ask a friend (especially ones with jobs and kids) to watch my kids. I'd hire a professional. My friends have lives too and I try not to impose on them unless I'm in a serious serious pinch.

2 under 2 is hard for parents. It's probably insanely intimidating for random people without professional child care experience.

I love my friends' kids but wouldn't relish the thought of watching 2 under 2 AND my guys together. It's a lot of work!

karatechrissy · July 2011

I am pretty sure you would have known about court before that evening. In fact, well before that evening. To ask your friends that on the spot and with such short notice I think was really rude and inconsiderate on your part to be honest. I'd be embarrassed actually. Can you imagine what they said about you in the car afterwards? I'd be pissed if I were them. You should have asked in a different setting, way earlier IMO. Sorry if that sounds mean but I don't think you have any room to be angry or upset.

sweetpea2003 · July 2011

I make a habit of calling my babysitters before asking friends. That way my close friends know that if I am calling them I am truly in a bind. And I don't have to ask very often at all.

I think asking to babysit two small kids is a very large favor. I would do it in an emergency for almost anyone, but I don't think I would appreciate being asked for an everyday errand or something that could have been planned in advance with a sitter.

As a military spouse I tend to hang with a very very very helpful group of ladies. We take care of each other. But we all also have an artillery of babysitters at the ready. Because our husbands tend to be gone a good portion of the time we plan ahead a lot.

If I were you I would have a heart-to-heart with your friend. If she only has one kid it might be extremely intimidating to watch your two. I know that having another kid in the house throws my balance off... two extra would be even more daunting.

smw123 · July 2011

I don't think you should see them as less of a friend because of this. I have a hard time babysitting my nieces and they are over 10 years old. I hardly see my DH during the week so I definitely wouldn't want to babysit on one of his days off especially if it was last minute. My DS is 15 months old and I wouldn't feel comfortable taking care of somone else's 2u2 especially if one won't take a bottle. Three small kids is a lot of work for someone and I'm one of them. I would probably start making excuses too if my friend asked me to babysit at the last minute. I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting at the dinner table giving her an explantion about why I wouldn't want to do it the very next day. Don't be angry with them you might want to see this as a learning experience. We don't have a regular babysitter but now that we're pg again I can't take my DS to my OB visits so I have 2 right now and I plan on using my mom, MIL, or siblings once we go into labor.

bacala1 · July 2011

karatechrissy:
I am pretty sure you would have known about court before that evening. In fact, well before that evening. To ask your friends that on the spot and with such short notice I think was really rude and inconsiderate on your part to be honest. I'd be embarrassed actually. Can you imagine what they said about you in the car afterwards? I'd be pissed if I were them. You should have asked in a different setting, way earlier IMO. Sorry if that sounds mean but I don't think you have any room to be angry or upset.

Exactly my feeling. Friends have put me on the spot like that the last minute too and I found excuses also. How do you just say No, I don't want to watch your kid without an excuse. Kids have routines and bringng other kids in can throw the day all off and equal an extra long and tiring day. I would want to know ahead of time. I can't believe you are mad at them.

kelleighxnicole · July 2011

I don't believe I was rude in any way. I probably should have clarified a few things first:

She's asked me last minute to watch her un-potty trained (at the time) there year old, when I had a newborn at home. And I agreed on three occasions.

She's home all the time. Her daughter goes to day care.

I actually asked her a week or two in advance, she said she'd get back to me, I didn't spring it on her last minute. I just reminded her.

But in any event, I thank all of you ladies for your input. It was helpful for future situations. I guess I do have bad plan-ahead strategies, and am more than a little flustered with two LO's at home. I make tons of to do lists that I never get done, and have tons of events on my calendar that I forget to remind myself let alone others of.

But I'm trying!

howleyshell · July 2011

kelleighxnicole:
She's asked me last minute to watch her un-potty trained (at the time) there year old, when I had a newborn at home. And I agreed on three occasions.

It would be nice if people were reciprocal in situations where you've done them favors but unfortunately they're sometimes not.

Sounds like if you asked her in advance and she didn't get back to you and then declined that she's not likely to be that type of mom-friend to you.

Again - 2 very small children can frighten even the most seasoned mom if they've never had to juggle several small ones together at once.

It's so hard when you've got 2 little ones. My recommendation is to search Craigslist for a sitter who's available random days and times. Often there are retired women looking to make a little extra money but who don't want a full or even part time nanny gig.

Schedule a date night so you can get out of the house with DH and give her a try. Then you've got someone in your back pocket for situations like these and don't have to deal with the emotional part of trading/asking a friend and all that comes with it.

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