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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
catherine225
member
Do you ever let your baby cry?
catherine225
member
There seems to be so many different opinions on this one. In fact, I just got two books out of the library that are exactly OPPOSITE.
One book recommends trying to sooth your baby using a variety of methods (only doing each method once) and if nothing works, putting him down alone for 10 min. The other recommends NEVER allowing your baby under 6 weeks to cry. He suggests picking a soothing style, putting baby down, and going back to soothe again if he cries.
I usually do the latter, but it leads to me feeling very frustrated and anxious all day as I can (and have) spent the entire day feeding and soothing. Today, when he really got going, we did try to let him cry. We lasted 5 min. When I went in, he did seem a lot calmer when I picked him up. I put him back down and he cried again. We did another few minutes, picked up, put in the swing, and now he's asleep.
I dunno. It's crazy. This is like a baby experiment.
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Re: Do you ever let your baby cry?
I've started letting LO fuss if I'm in the middle of something- dishes, laundry, etc. and then go get him. But if he full out cries I only let that go about 30 seconds or as long as it takes me to dry my hands or finish using the bathroom or whatever it is that I'm doing.
I have to agree- it's like an experiment. There are a million people saying "do it this way", but in the end you have to do what feels right and works for you and your LO (obviously with in reason).
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5-10mins seems like a long time. I've got 2 other kids in the house to take care of, so yes, lo does cry, but I don't think we even let it go up to 5mins. Maybe 3-5mins at the most.
I don't rush to her, it's kind of my way of helping them learn that someone will come to you, but you gotta wait! lol
But as soon as it escalates or starts to sound frantic, then I immediately pick them up. It's a lot harder to calm them down from the frantic crying than the "hey, come get me" cry.
Dinner time is the worst though. If she happens to be awake while I'm cooking, she might have to cry a little longer if I can't put down what I'm doing.
It is a baby experiment! lol There are no right answers I'm afraid. If it looks like he's just working through some gas or poop, which I can usually tell because of the concentrated look on his face or he has his tongue in between his open mouth/lips, then I let him cry it out. It's usually only a cry out here and there, never more than two or three in a row, so no significant time. If I'm in the middle of something and can't get to him when he is crying, like maybe I'm making his bottle or something, then I tell him what I'm doing, why I can't be there, and when I will be - even though he's only 6 weeks, it sets a pattern with a calming tone and then voila, mommy arrives. Once he's older, he will understand, and I'll already be in the habit of explaining things to him.
I've also read conflicting pieces of information but I think purposely letting them cry it out when they're under 4 months old sets an unfortunate pattern where they don't know whether or not they can rely on you. At that age, they're far too young to understand how to self-soothe; they don't have full control of their limbs, can't get their hands to their mouth with any regularity, etc. Therefore, I don't feel comfortable letting him CIO, no matter how desperately I need the rest/time/space, etc. However, once they hit 4 months, they do seem to have a much better ability to self soothe and seem to understand things a little bit better too. Hope that helps!
Really interesting opinions, all! Thanks. Yeah-- he was in "all out cry" and I usually *never* let that kind of crying go on for more than 30 sec. But I guess this guy's theory (Brazelton) along with Ferber, was that crying is a way to release stress and that it's good for overstimulated babies to be able to let it out. I felt horrible and we only lasted 5 min of crying. I don't know if I'd do it again until he's older if I can help it, but I think it did allow him to release some of that tension.
p.s. Don't you hate seeing your baby's tears? That gets me every time!
Ferber doesn't recommend CIO before 4 months old though. I do let DD fuss for a while before getting her if she's fed and has a clean diaper on, but when she starts crying, I get to her as quickly as I can. Sometimes that's a minute or two while I go to the bathroom or grab a drink, but I don't purposefully let her cry for 5-10 minutes just to give myself a break. I can imagine this would be a lot more difficult if she wasn't my only child though!
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
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Was just coming on here to ask this.
I had to make dinner today...I tried putting A in the Moby, but it's SO stinking hot here (or at least, hot for a baby) that she cried just as much in it as she did in her swing. So I let her cry while I tried to make dinner as quickly as possible. It was probably 10-15 mins...and I felt terrible. BUT, I have an older child, had to get to her also, and I refuse to eat ready meals for a year! She settled down shortly after that, and then I cuddled her a bunch to make up for it.
Unfortunately, that's how it's going to be around here with two LOs to look after. It's so different than just having one!
I will let her fuss for a little bit but when she hits a full out cry I will immediately get to her. The only time she cries for any signficant amount of time is when she is in her carseat and I am driving.
At this age, not really. Since this is my second, there are some times that I *can't*. Like in the car. Or, this morning, finished my shower...I shortened it, but I finished. With LO #1, I would get out of the shower, lol.
There are some times (when they get a bit older) that sometimes it seems like they DO need to cry to release stress/tension/whatever to be able to sleep.
It sounds here like you are trying to do CIO. I am not trying to tell you how to parent but for me personally I wouldn't do that this early. I probably wont let LO CIO till at least 6 months if not older. I have two children so sometimes LO has to fuss a bit. But it is one thing to let LO cry because you are getting something else done that needs to be and CIO. I have noticed that when I have to do something and LO starts actually crying it is a lot harder to calm her down than when I get her before she is all out crying. I think at this age CIO not only doesn't work but makes your life harder.
I try really hard to not let my baby cry. He has only had tears once, and it was because we were driving in the car and couldn't stop. Even then he only cried for avout 5 minuets.
I do let him fuss. Which means he will be kicking around and kind of yelling a little, but not actually crying. As soon as he starts to cry I go to soothe him.
I wasn't "sleep training" or doing CIO for that reason. This Brazelton book is for babies that have colic and he does recommend it from 4 weeks and on. For instance, sometimes my son can go on for 5 hrs and we are trying to do every soothing tactic that we can and nothing works. It seems like he just wants to cry.
He says in these cases, try all your soothing tactics, make sure there is nothing your baby needs, but then that allowing them to be settled and away from stimulation (even stimulation from YOU) is a good thing.
I'm not saying I'm 100% on board with this guy's philosophies and as I said, I only lasted 5 min... but it's interesting to hear what you all are doing.
All of this!
I have been debating this with my husband for awhile. I think I'm so over sensitized to, "Don't let her cry it out!" that I'm afraid to even let her fuss for 2 seconds. I have slowly allowed her to fuss a little more when there is simply something I have to do (go to the bathroom, heat her bottle, etc.). DH kept arguing that she's over stimulated and sometimes if you just let her cry a wee bit she gets her energy out.
This morning DH put her down for a nap while I was in the shower and he let her fuss a little, and voila, she went down for a nap on her own! No me rocking her. No covering her eyes. No patting her back and shushing. I was shocked!
Now here we are a few hours later and I'm trying his method out and it worked again! I put her down with her seashorse and popped in her binky and left the room. If she fussed for more than 2 minutes I would go back ink and repop in her binky.I had to go back in like 4 or 5 times and regive her the binky, but now she's sleeping on her own!
I think the key for me is leaving the room. When I hover her I'm too quick to intervene the moment this poor kid lets out one little grunt.