Scared FTM long rant

35baby · July 2011

I don't know what to expcet in the 3rd tirmester but I am scared. I don't feel my baby enough and I worry that I am doing sometthing wrong. I know that I don't drink enough water which I try to do. This has me believing that I will have a "dry birth" or whatever the technical name for it is. When I go to the doctors office for my visits, he doesn't seem to examin me the way I hear other ladies on this site get examined. My doc never tests my fundal height or tells me if I have enough fluid or need to drink more to get enough fluid. I only have approximetly 33 days to go and all I own is a car seat and a stroller. My boyfriend told me we shouldn't really have anything else ready "just in case." This has be worried and scared even more because now I am thinking bad thoughts (I bite my tongue hard.) I don't really "show" more than a few months. Most people tell me I must not be eating or drinking enough for LO. Only a few people tell me I am carrying "neat." I feel guilty that I am scared and possibly doing the wrong things by her. I wonder if you can have prepartum depression? Before becoming pregnant I may have gotten depressed but no more than anyone else I don't believe. Are there any other FTM out there who feel scared and think that something might not be going according to plan? I want to have a natural vaginal birth, but in the end I will just be grateful that she comes out healthy. I loved my LO from the day I found out I was pregnant and I want the best for her. TIA for listening to me.

tuluwen · July 2011

Please talk to your doctor about what you're feeling. If he doesn't address your concerns, get a new doctor asap. I've heard of several ladies on here alone that have gone through depression before the baby was born. It's scary being a FTM and going through things you've never experienced before, and you need support and love at this time. Talk to your boyfriend about how his comments make you feel. He probably doesn't realize that it's already stressful enough to try not to think about "what might happen." Most guys don't really become attached until after the LO arrives, unlike us women who have the little life growing inside us. Focus on drinking water so that you can feel good about what you're doing, but don't stress about other people's comments; from the posts on this site, you can see that people say horribly stupid things to pregnant women. I've been told that I'm "too big" and "too small" in the same day. Each woman carries babies differently. I have a (tall, skinny) friend that doesn't show when she is pregnant at all, but she delivered three healthy babies. If you're not drinking water because you don't like it, find a water flavor packet that your doctor approves of. Also, milk, juice, coffee, and even soda count toward your hydration. And you can get a lot of water from fruits and veggies. Keep me posted on how you're doing. T&P for you.

Lizghannam · July 2011

It's totally understandable to feel this way. For awhile, because I wasn't showing as much as other co-workers of mine who are just as far along, I was nervous maybe I wasn't eating enough or providing enough for LO. To this day I still say something about baby's future weight and health because at least once a day I hear, "geez you're so small, how far along are you? Compared to so and so bla bla" But as long as your OB is telling you your measurements are fine and baby is progressing successfully, then no need to bust out the "what ifs." I would def. talk to your doctor about this though. My DH every now and then asks if I'm depressed just because I seem so tired and not myself. Men don't get it, period. So make sure you also talk to your boyfriend about all that you are feeling. Chin up!

jenny2508 · July 2011

I completely agree that being a FTM is crazy with its ups and downs. You should definitely address your concerns with your doctor. I do not always feel my LO as much as I feel like I should and I will be 33 weeks tomorrow. However, everytime I go to the doctor and listen to the heartbeat and see an ultrasound, he is just fine. My doctor has told me that sometimes, I still might not know that what I am feeling from time to time is the LO moving. Try to stay relaxed, stress will only make you feel worse. Hang in there girl!

Amanda&EricB · July 2011

I agree with the others who have said to talk to your doctor. If he/she is not someone you feel comfortable sharing this with, do you have a primary physician? It's a little late in the game to switch OB's (although it can be done) but finding SOMEONE who you trust, who you can share your fears and concerns, is super important.

I'm a FTM, and I'm scared out of my mind. It's the fear of the unknown. I have no clue what to expect or how things might go. You can read all the books in the world but nothing will prepare you for the real deal. I believe that's the base of my fear. However, I do try to do things to get ready, as best I can. Is there a reason your boyfriend won't let you get other baby things you need? Babies don't need much at first but they do need a few basic things- diapers, clothes, a way to eat, a place to sleep, etc. Do you have a way to buy these things on your own?

Lastly, it's important to have a support system. Do you have trusted people who you can go to when you are feeling low and needing help? Mom? Sister? Friends? Etc?

Hang in there!

35baby · July 2011

I am glad that I am not alone in my worries about becoming a mom for the first time. I never had to deal with OBGYN before jut GYN so I don't know what they are supposed to test for. I like him as a whole. He has a good positive disposition but he doesn't seem to test for things I hear other's doctor testing for. As for my boyfriend he lost a son his only one to a stillbirth so he is afraid to have to many items ready beforehand. I can understand that, I just want to have certain items ready like a crib or at least a bassinet. There is my mother but she is "old school" and when I ask her anything prego related she tells me it was so long ago I can't remember. I will am trying my best not be overwhelmed with emtion and fear of the unknown but it is hard. This isn't the 1st or even 2nd child for my boyfriend so he is not sweating it much. In fact he makes fun of me sometimes for being so irrational as he puts it.

35baby · July 2011

Thanks ladies for all your words of encouragement. I appreciate the well wishes.

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