What to do about hitting?

pearly1 · July 2011

J is driving me crazy. He got hit a lot by one of his friends a couple weeks ago and now he is hitting me constantly. Especially at diaper change time and getting buckled in the carseat, but also a sweet hug will suddenly turn into hitting time. He is smiling when he does it, it's not a tantrum thing. It makes me SOOOO MAD!!!! I need to figure out a response that I can use every time so I don't end up just yelling at him like I just did. I hate this.

Seattle_JiLLn · July 2011

Cooper does it too. Not to be mad or to try to hurt, I think he's just experimenting with it. I just say "no hitting. that hurts. gentle touches only" and then I demonstrate to him how to touch nice. Now he will hit and I say "no hitting" and then he just reaches out and gives me a nice pat or rubs my arms. So I think it's helping some? He doesnt' do it real often anymore. Biting was his real issue. argh.

greenmtbride · July 2011

Liam is in this phase too. It is usually his reponse to a frustrating situation for him. I respond a variety of ways depending on the situation. If he hits hard and out of anger he goes right into a brief time out. A lot of times he is doing it purely for attention (since he no knows hitting will often get a big reaction). In those situations I just completely ignore it and try to give him positive attention for something. His new thing is to say that he wants to hit so-and-so and we just respond "oh no, that will make so-and-so sad. Remember we don't hit. Hitting hurts." yada yada yada.

KNemo · July 2011

Max is a hitter, but he only hits N and I. If he hits, it's an instant time out. No questions asked. It has really helped curb the problem.

WatchPot · July 2011

we would just turn and walk away so he knew he didn't get a positive reaction for doing it.

keri1013 · July 2011

We have experienced this as well. We have done timeout for it, and it made a big impression, now he will talk about going in time out if he hits. Also now usually he'll say "hit Mama" and kind of raise his hand and look at me. It usually happens when he's frustrated or doesn't want to do something, like a diaper change. Like Jill said, I'll say something along the lines of "We don't hit, hitting hurts. Can you show me gentle touches?" and usually that works. I also try to move out of his reach if possible and then distract him.

Good luck, I know it is frustrating!

coribecca · July 2011

Instant time-out. I think G does it out of frustration more than anything else, but I want him to understand that hitting is absolutely not acceptable.

MOHjen · July 2011

Maeve has just started this as well. At what age did you guys all start time outs?

Seattle_JiLLn · July 2011

MOHjen:
Maeve has just started this as well. At what age did you guys all start time outs?

I think they don't really work until closer to 2... THey have to "get it"... so you can judge when you think she'd understand the link between hitting and taking the time out.

KNemo · July 2011

Seattle_JiLLn:
MOHjen:
Maeve has just started this as well. At what age did you guys all start time outs?
I think they don't really work until closer to 2... THey have to "get it"... so you can judge when you think she'd understand the link between hitting and taking the time out.

This. We started them at around 22 months.

pearly1 · July 2011

Thanks everyone. I try to be consistent with the time outs, but it's hard to do when he's sans diaper on the changing table or when I'm trying to buckle him in his carseat.

And since last week when I had horrible PMS I am having such a hard time not getting really upset. Ugh. Can't wait for this to pass.

It's good to hear everyone's approach. Wish I had the patience and energy to be more consistent.

braveangel2 · July 2011

I would hold Emmeline close to me while she flailed and hit. She'd tried to wriggle away and I'd just keep holding her. Then she'd amp up and start crying or screeching...basically trying anything in her tool box to get her way. It sucked that first time and lasted something like twenty minutes and we had a good cuddle session afterwards because it didnt mean I was mad at her an I kept calm the entire time. I just talked to her and said it was my responsibility to make sure she turned out okay and that I loved her. Honestly, I tried this because of the pets I've had in the past. I'm not saying it's a sure-fire method, but it really worked for us, and I only had to do it for something like 6 months, and each additional fit took much less time because I was consistent.

IdahoGirl · July 2011

pearly1:

Thanks everyone. I try to be consistent with the time outs, but it's hard to do when he's sans diaper on the changing table or when I'm trying to buckle him in his carseat.

And since last week when I had horrible PMS I am having such a hard time not getting really upset. Ugh. Can't wait for this to pass.

It's good to hear everyone's approach. Wish I had the patience and energy to be more consistent.

You are so not alone in this. It's a constant struggle. And I've battled the same thing when it just doesn't seem feasible to give her a time out (same sorts of situations you mentioned.

Hang in there.

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