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What to do w/4yo girl that won't stop rubbing herself? (kinda long)

CD+ALCD+AL member
in Pre-School and Daycare

A close friend has a little girl (4yrs) that rubs her privates constantly, and by constantly, I mean C.O.N.S.T.A.N.T.L.Y.  It's gotten to the point that once she starts doing it, she'll do it until she is just absolutely raw and completely drenched in sweat (for hours) and at the exclusion of running off to play with other kids or doing other "kid things."  It's in common areas of their home as well as PUBLIC places like on the bench at the park.  I've never seen anything quite like this.

It actually started when she was about 2 and wore the Pull-ups w/the cool alert lining, and it gave her some sort of irritation, which got her started rubbing herself mostly on furniture (now is furniture, toys, hands, etc).  It's been a problem for this whole time, and she's been to the pedi to check for medical issues.  The only time that it has improved was during the school session when she attended preschool this past year, but it worsened again any time school was out for more than a day or so.  Summer has made it very rough again.

My first question after excluding something like a yeast infection (as well as the pedi's) was whether she could have been molested b/c it is just so extreme, and the friend who is a SAHM feels certain that it isn't possible b/c her DH, the only male she's come into contact with alone, isn't capable of that sort of thing (which of course they never are capable of, right?).

So, let's assume that she hasn't been molested for now, and I honestly don't know what to think of that part of the issue.  The friend has tried ignoring it, distracting her with other activities, encouraging her to do it in privacy, bribery, and eventually even scolding out of desperation when nothing else worked.  What else can you do about a kid that just won't stop even when she is obviously sore?  Anyone have any advice or suggestions for this situation?

 
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Re: What to do w/4yo girl that won't stop rubbing herself? (kinda long)

  • franciscazfranciscaz member
    At this point it is serious and I think just saying "don't do that" will not solve anything.  First off she needs a full pediatric evaluation and testing to make sure there is nothing physical.  If there is not she needs a Family Therapist consultation (her pedi can refer her).  If there is a possibility of molestation that will all need to come out.  It could be just a compulsive calming thing too and if that is the case the FT can help her find healthier self soothing techniques.  Whatever it is at this point your friend needs help to get her daughter back on track.
    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
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  • ppantsppants member
    I would be contacting a child pyschologist/couselor.  It sounds very extreme and is obviously interfering with normal activities.  I hope she gets some answers soon.
    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
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  • CD+ALCD+AL member
    Thanks ladies!  This was kind of the only thing I could come up with too.  I just find it concerning that she does it at the expense of just being a kid.  I'll keep encouraging the idea of some sort of counseling/therapy.
     
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  • Stacyc625Stacyc625 member
    Man- that must be so incredibly tough and frustrating for your friend. I will keep her family in my thoughts and hopes she gets answers soon!
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  • jsugrinjsugrin member

    I agree with a therapist.  If you google or have any kind of child development book at home, everything will say to teach your child to do it in the privacy of their room and then ignore UNLESS it begins to interfere with normal, everyday life.

    I don't think it means she's been molested at all.  While I agree with you that no one thinks their husband is capable of such things but we all know that's not true I also don't think this is THAT abnormal.  Typical? No but abnormal, no either.  Often kids gets started for whatever reason ( her case, the pull up irritation) and then they realize it feels good, it calms them down, it excites them, whatever and while most kids can control it some kids just can't.  It may be that she's got an underlying anxiety issue and this is how it's manifesting, it may be that she's not a great self soother to begin with so this is all she's got, who knows.  The reality is that if the mom doesn't address whatever the root issue is now that the girl is going to be in a world of social pain when she's more school age and she can't stop herself from doing it at school or in public.

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