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I'm torn on how far apart for LOs

lorist202lorist202 member
in Two Under 2

I can't decide if our LO's should be 12-18 mos. apart or approx. 2.5 years apart.

With regard to the 12-18 mos., I like that the kids would be able to play together.  Also, it seems to me that at this younger age, DS would be able adjust to the new baby more easily.  However, I worry that I won't be able to take the time to fully appreciate the first time experiences I'll have with DS as he grows into toddlerhood.

With respect to the 2.5 year age gap, I like that the younger sibling would have a "cool older brother" since that is a significant age gap to children in peer groups in school.  This is, of course, contrary to the argument of playing together for a closer age gap.  I'm aware that chasing a toddler around with a new baby is tiring and I'm ready for that.  However, I'm not sure how DS would adjust to no longer being an only child.

Clearly, there are good reasons for both.  Does anyone have anything to add?  I think I need something that will really "click" me into a decision either way.

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Re: I'm torn on how far apart for LOs

  • ShannonSkyShannonSky member
    In terms of WORK, it doesn't seem to me like there's that big of a difference between 18mos and 2.5. I mean, a 2.5 yr old will be more verbal, more independent, and faster, but an 18 mo old will still be talking and walking/running. There is a much bigger difference between a 12 mo old and an 18 mo old, IMO. As far as the other things you mentioned, I think you need to weigh their value in your own family. We wanted our girls 18mos-2yrs apart and are having them just about 2 yrs apart and so far, so good. I feel like we're ready to have another. 
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  • meredith anastasiameredith anastasia

    we wanted our LOs close together and I got pregnant when DS was 10 months. when I actually got pregnant, he seemed very young, but he's gotten so much more capable and independent in these last 7 months.  now, I feel ready for another baby, and they'll be 19/20 months apart. 

    pregnancy is so long, and 9/10 months of development in a baby/toddler is a LOT, so it makes it hard to predict where your child will be developmentally when the new baby is born but we felt 19/20 months apart was a good spread. 

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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member

    In terms of relationships, I'm sure they would have a similar relationship being a year apart or 2.5 years apart. Closer spacing doesnt mean a good relationship, and further spacing doesnt mean a distant relationship. Its all based on personality, and you cant predict that.

    I have a 12 month gap and I really like it. Here are the pros/cons:

    Pros: I found pregnancy easier with a smaller gap. I got to rest when the baby rested, which was a lot. I cant imagine first tri with a demanding toddler who needs a lot of attention. When DD came I was still in that newborn mentality. DS was too young to know what was going on and it was a super easy transition from 1-2. Recently at a party DH held another baby, and DS freaked out! He was so jealous. I think if we did an 18+ month gap, he would have been jealous/regressed more.

    Cons: DS wasnt able to communicate well, which was challenging at times. Not much of a break between pregnancies-I felt like I was pregnant forever!

    It depends on what challenges you think you would personally be able to manage better.

    The difference between 12 months and 2.5 years apart will only show in that first year. After that, it really doesnt matter what the age difference is. One of the big deciding factors for me was that I didnt want to work full time when my kids were young. I want to go back to work when my youngest starts 1st grade, and if I did a bigger spacing Id be out of the workforce longer or I'd be putting my youngest in daycare.

    GL with whatever you decide!

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  • jennnn32jennnn32
    I am in the same boat, my toddler will be 16 mos when his lil sister gets here, im a little worried about regression but I just need to stay firm as to what big boy gets as to baby sister. Im using this term regularly so by the time sister is born he will understand the difference. Hopefully. I have a lil anxeity about how much attention each one will get but I will figure that out as it comes. I feel like I have been preg forever but this is our last so I am enjoying it as much as I possibly can but its hard in third tri chasing a toddler boy crawling up the stairs.. I say go for it tho, they will have eachother to play with too.
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  • firsttogofirsttogo

    I have a 19 month gap, and a 10 month gap. When we have another I want DD to be at least 2, and here is why:

    I want to have a steady independent walker before another baby. It has been hard for me to have really, two babies around. DS1 was 2.5 when DD was born, and he GOT it. He could help get a diaper, ect. He did not get it at 19 months when DS2 came.

    Overall, at either age, they will eventually not remember a time before siblings, so I would not worry about that.  

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