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Stay at Home Moms
catdwg83
member
Do you do "bad" things since you SAH?
catdwg83
member
I have no idea what the subject if this post should be, lol.
Since LO came home I've done some of the stuff on my "I'll never...." list. We co-sleep & bedshare. Almost every nap has been on me in the big cushy recliner while I sit online. He's literally been in his crib for no longer than 4 hours ever, & for maybe 5 naps in total & 20 or so times to start out bedtime before he comes to bed with us. I also nurse to sleep.
For me, I attribute most of this to SAH. I kinda feel like these "bad habits" aren't a big deal to me anymore because I don't need him to sleep on his own yet, so I see it as why struggle with it at this point? He STTN with 1 feed when in bed with us, or he's up like every 2-3 hrs when we aren't bedsharing. His naps are 1.5-2+ hrs when he's rocked on me & stays on me in the recliner. If he's anywhere else, he'll nap maybe 30 min - 1hr. Maybe one or two lasted 1.5-2hrs & that was post growth spurt exhaustion. Nursing to sleep is a surefire way to keep him from fighting naps/bedtime. Yeah, it means I stay up later at night cleaning because I can't do it during the day, but whatever. To me its easier to just do these things than have him cranky because I think he's "supposed" to sleep somewhere or some way. I feel like if I were still working, I'd probably have pushed the self-soothing & sleep training a lot sooner.
Do you find yourself doing things that you probably wouldn't do if you were a WM?
DS1- Jan 2011
DS2- Sept 2012
M/C- Sept 2011
2u2!
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Re: Do you do "bad" things since you SAH?
It isn't a SAHM thing. It's a mom thing. I was a WM for the first 2 years of DS's life and I still hit things on the "I'll never" list. Co-sleeping/bed sharing included. Actually, that's probably the only thing. Well, I never thought I'd use pacifiers until both of mine became attached to me practically 24/7 and then it was clear that either I'D be the pacifier or I could give them one. And so it began. . .
But I don't attribute it to me SAH only because I did those things as a WM!
I agree with PP. In fact some WM end up cosleeping because they're away from their LO during the day so they feel it's more bonding time as well as good for their BFing supply.
I don't think I really do many "bad" things. Before I was pregnant I always tried hard to not draw lines in the sand about what we would/wouldn't do as parents because you just never know until you're there.
It's nice though that you're enjoying all that snuggle time...I don't think there's anything better you could be doing with your time
Big E (6) & Little E (2.5)
YES
Y E S
ETA: I totally get what you are saying, OP, and yes.
We still bed share and at your your son's age I held DD through naps, too, but it was really a personality/temperament thing more than SAH for us. It was the only way I'd be able to get some sleep at night and get DD to sleep during the day. Survival!! Although, I suppose something would have had to change if she went to daycare since I doubt they'd be willing to hold her every nap.
One "bad" thing that I said I'd never do, but have, is let DD watch TV under 2 years old. She doesn't really "watch" it, but I admit to turning it on a few times in a desperate hope to distract her when I needed to get something done. I always said I would never do that, pre-baby. Darn Sesame Street On-Demand.
DD2: Lucia (Lucy) 07/13
My LO did the exact same thing. Would sleep forever if he was with me in bed or if I was holding him and only a few minutes in his crib. At around 8 months I started rocking him to sleep at nap time and putting him in his crib and he slept just fine. I quit letting him sleep in my bed once he was rolling and scooting all over the place in his sleep, it was just way too dangerous. He wakes up 2-4 times a night, but we're working on it.
I agree with PP, it's not a SAH thing it's a mom thing. These habits will work themselves out as your babies grow.
There was a lot of bed sharing when DS#2 was born and I was still working. How else was I going to get any sleep to go to work? Some nights the only way to get any rest in was to sleep with him. And that's fine. FWIW I don't think bedsharing is bad. In fact, I posted not too long ago on the toddler boards that because of bedsharing, my kids transitioned to big boy beds long before most because they were used to having all that space (it was only ever me and one child in the bed since DH works overnights). In the end, it was a good thing.
My bad thing is that I'm certain they watch too much TV.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
I have to agree. I was never a WM, but I don't think my "bad habits" would have changed if I hadn't SAH. In fact, the "bad habits" may have gotten worse because I would have wanted to spend every second not at work with DD and may have done more to try and assure better sleep at night (bedshare, etc.).
first thing i thought as I read your post was, 'it isn't a SAHM thing- its a mom thing' So MA hit the head right on the nail.
you will find yourself doing things you wouldn't of dreamed of before kids- all of your ideal parenting just goes out of the window- and you adapt to life with kids. It isn't BAD at all. Just life.
Ahh... I am tired just reading your post! Honestly, the bed sharing and holding for naps is so much easier with the first born than when you have 1-2 other kids to run after! There is NO WAY I could do that (and we have done plenty of bed sharing with Dd3 - then #1 or #2 wake to pee and you place baby in the crib so they don't roll off the bed, wake up, start crying....).
I nursed all my kids to sleep, rocked them to sleep. About a year is the point I cut off from nursing and quickly shut off from rocking too.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Aw man, you are right - I wallowed in the bed with DD about 24/7, co-slept, bed shared, slept when she did, and lounged for the first year. And it was glorious. And I couldn't have done it as a WM....logistically it would not have been possible...can't be at the office and in bed. Alexandra*sMom, your point reminded me that I also won't be able to do it with another child! Glad I took full advantage when I did!
I know exactly what you mean.
DS always starts out in his crib at night, but we often spend a couple hours bedsharing each night when he wakes up to nurse, even though it used to be on my "I'll never" list.
It is not easy to get DS to sleep, and he still fights sleep like crazy whether or not I rock/nurse him or just lay him in his crib and pat him. Like you, though, he'll only sleep maybe about a half hour in his crib for naps (even if he falls asleep there) and will wake up still tired and cranky, but will nap on us for hours and wake up happy and rested. The way I see it right now, I would rather have a happy baby during the day and a messy house than a cranky baby and a clean house. We've been shifting his bedtime earlier lately, so at least now we have some time in the evenings to get things done.
You are not doing anything bad or wrong;you're simply doing what works for you! These habits will be broken in their own time.
Right now I can't think of anything that I said I wouldn't do that I now do. I'm sure I'll have some in the future, though!
I will say, I wish I had enough flexibility to do what you do! I rock/walk Micah to sleep, but I always put him in his crib once he falls asleep. He goes through phases of taking good naps and not taking good naps. I know that if I just kept holding him he would stay asleep longer. But I'm too selfish to do that. I want my time (yes, I know it's important to have that time, but it's also important that Micah sleep. I also have a very supportive husband who is home a good chunk of the day so I almost always get some sort of break, so I consider it selfish) and I hate giving that up even to hold Micah. I just get bored sitting there with him (he would never fall asleep if I were watching TV and I can't read or go on the computer while he's in my arms so I don't know what I would do!). Now, taking a nap with him is a different story. I love doing that.
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